Frankie's Suicide (Frerard)

A locked ward! Um, I don’t firkin think so, I’m not crazy, I don’t belong in a psychiatric hospital with psychos. How could mum do this to me? God, this is so messed up. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“It’s a real nice place, its private and your insurance covers up to 3 months” George said cheerfully
“3 MONTHS!” I spluttered, feeling my heart drop
“Oh no, I’m sure you’ll be out much sooner than that, so what do you say; are you going go peacefully or are we going to have to get the police round here?”
No way am I getting involved with the cops. There’ll be some way to get out of this.
“Alright, I’ll go” I lied
“Excellent!” he mused, grinning to himself “Right this way Frank” he said while getting up and gesturing for me to exit the room.
He lead the way down the corridor towards my hospital room.
“Can I at least go home and pack some clothes?” I asked
“No, defiantly not, you’ll be going straight to the hospital”
Shit. Looks like I’ll be doing a runner.
“Where’s my mum?”
“Uh, she said she had to go to work, we’ll give her a call and let her know what’s going on soon”
“Wait, how am I getting there?”
“To St. Thomas? You’ll be getting a lift in an ambulance”
Double shit. You’ve got to be kidding me. Maybe when I get there…
“Your clothes are over there on the counter” he gestured to a pile of neatly folded black fabric when we got to my room. He left me to change. After I’d dressed myself in the freshly laundered clothing, I noticed the window. Perfect! I quickly made my way up to it, I must be on the sixth floor. The red brick path and small shrubs below would definitely be enough to kill me. I knew it’d work out! I grabbed the bottom of the pane and lifted up, it didn’t budge. I tried harder but it still didn’t move, the straining hurt my still slightly-numbed arms. I need to break it open and I need to be quick about it. I have to finish what i started. I quickly scan the room and my eyes set on a metal lamp in the corner. I picked it up and dumped the lampshade on the floor.
BANG on the window. Nothing. No even a scratch.
“Is everything alright in there Frank?” George asked from the other side of the door
Its now or never, last chance Frank. With all my strength, I lifted the lamp above my head and heaved it into the window, its shattered, but didn’t break.
I heard the door swing open
“Orderly!” Bellowed George
I brought the lamp down on the window again, the shards of glass gave way and fell. I dropped the lamp and grabbed the windowsill, ready to pull myself over the edge. Quick! Quick! My hearts pounding. I start to hoist myself up but two strong hands grab my shoulders and pull me back down. I feel another pair of hands around my waist, pulling me further into the room and away from the glass.
“Let me go!” I scream at them “Don’t touch me! Let me die! Let me go!” and I cant help but let the gut-wrenching sobs take over “No no no, please, I’m begging you, let me go” My body goes limp and the orderly gently guides me to the floor. A nurse comes into the room to inform George that “The police are on their way”
“Nooooo” I moan, still crying. I curl into myself and George squats down next to me while the orderly still has his hand on my shoulder, letting me know theres no way out.
“Look at me” orders George “Look at me Frank” I sniff and stare at his goatee
“We’re trying to help you, but we need you to cooperate before we can do that. Trust me when I say that you won’t be feeling like this forever. You’re going to get help at St. Thomas. You’ll do some therapy, maybe be put on some meds and by the end of it, you’ll look back on this day and be thankful for all that your doctors and nurses did,”
I shook my head like a stubborn child
“We’re just trying to keep you safe and do what’s best for you. They’ll sort something out at St. Thomas so you won’t have to live with your father and they’ll give you endless strategies to help you deal with other people and your emotions”
I don’t want help, I don’t want strategies, I want to be dead, cant he tell? Why won’t they just give up already. As soon as I get out of there, I’ll off myself so what’s the point in them putting all this time and effort into a lost cause? Stupid adults, think they know best. Ill show them.
At that point, two strong-looking men walk into the room wearing police uniforms.
“You must be Frank” the blonde one says to me, he introduces himself and his partner but I zone out and immediately forget their names. I watch as they approach me, not really registering what’s going on. His mouth is moving but I don’t hear what he’s saying. The cop and the orderly help bring me to my feet. Time seems to be going by really slowly. The cop’s holding my hands in his. I can only focus on the little mole on his chin. It’s small, no bigger than a tear drop. I wonder if he’s embarrassed about it. I wonder if he was teased about it as a kid. His mouth’s still moving. I don’t realise my doctor from before is standing right next to me until he takes my hands in his. Why do they keep staring at my hands. I look down to see what they’re looking at and realise there’s several shards of glass embedded in my hands. Oh, brilliant. Just what I need. I cant feel it. I feel numb all over.
The police escort me over to the bed. The doctor eventually takes out the glass bits and bandages up my hands. The clock tells me it took an hour but it only felt like seconds.
“How does that feel Frank?” the doc says, snapping me out of my daydream
“What?” I respond
“Are you in pain?”
I shake my head.
“Good, over to you, officers” the doctor snaps off his disposable gloves and leaves the room. The policemen gesture for me to stand up, I do and they hold onto one of my arms each as we make our way down to the car park.
They put me in the back of their police cruiser and lock me in. They keep talking to me but I'm not listening. Its about 20 minutes before we arrive at the grand, St. Thomas Adult Psychiatric Hospital. Oh boy.
Its quite big, but plain. Two stories of white cement and barred-up windows. We drive through the open steel gates and up to the front entrance. The policemen open my door and wait for me to get out but I don’t move.
“Don’t make this harder on yourself than it has to be, Frank” said blondie, getting annoyed.
I stared straight ahead. I will not make this easy for them. What theyre doing is wrong. I don’t belong here. Blondie sighs loudly and closes my door, locking it before he goes inside. The other officer waits by the car looking bored and vaguely irritated.
Its not long before Blondie comes back with two, tough-looking orderlies. The door is opened and the younger orderly tries to talk me into going without a fight. I ignore him, blocking out what he says by reciting my favourite song by Smashing Pumpkins in my head.
The next think I know, a massive hand is squeezing my upper-arm and pulling me out from the car.
“I warned you” he said apologetically. The other orderly grabs hold of my other arm and they proceed to drag me, kicking and screaming into the building that I’m sure will be the death of me.
“Let go of me!” I shout, being pulled through the front doors after being buzzed in. I resist them and they tug me further into the building. We pass a receptionist and make our way to what looks like a cafeteria. It’s a big open space with tables and benches scattered through the piercingly-white room. Theres about 20-30 people throughout the room. Theres an old man in the corner, chewing on his hand and leather-faced woman sitting at a bench pulling out her hair and talking to herself. That’s all I need to push me over the edge
“I don’t belong here, how many time do I need to tell you?!” I shout and jerk my arm out of the orderlies grip. With my free hand, I punch the other orderly in the nose, causing him to let go of my arm. I turn to make my escape and quickly duck when I see the first orderly grabbing for me. He misses me and I bolt. I hear a screech of a whistle but keep running. I’m gonna make it I think just before I feel someone much bigger than me, jumps on my back and brings me to the ground. Before I can even start to stand up, there’s 5 different orderlies surrounding me. Fuck. They pick me up off the ground and I start screaming.
“Ahhhh, my arm you fucknut!” I screech, the orderly holding onto my wrist realises what he’s done and holds me by the upper arm instead. All 5 of them escort me to ‘Solitude”. Brilliant. Solitude on the first day.
“We’ll be back in an hour and if you’ve decided you want to cooperate, we’ll let you out” one of them said, locking me in a padded floor-to-ceiling room with nothing in it but a metal door with a window in it.
This is the biggest injustice ever. Im not crazy, I shouldn’t be here. I’ll just do what they say, get out of here as soon as possible and finish this. Yeah. Good plan.
Solitude isn’t so bad actually. Its comfy and I’m tired from rebelling and crying all day. Might as well get some sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Frank!” A lady on the other side of the door shouts to wake me up. Ugh, I feel so groggy. I open my eyes and look at her to let her know I’m awake.
“Are you ready to cooperate with us now?” She asked
I nodded. She took a step back from the window and an orderly unlocked it for me. I sat up and the lady came in. She was young, mid 20’s maybe. Jet black hair and a gorgeous face with small features. She wore black skinny jeans and a loose floral blouse. She sat down, cross-legged in front of me.
“My names Amy” she said, pointing to her name tag that read accordingly, “I’m one of the nurses here and I’ll be showing you around. You have a meeting with the adolescent Psychiatrist in half an hour”
I nodded again. I figure if I keep my head down, don’t speak much and do as I’m told, I’ll get out pretty soon.
“Shall we?” Amy says, gesturing for me to follow her out of the room.
“This, as I’m sure you’re aware of, is the solitary hall, where patients are restrained if need be.” The hall wasn’t very big. Theres about 7-8 solitary rooms. The hall led out to anther corridor that led to the cafeteria, which I guess is one of the main hangouts. Amy showed me the theatre room, the art room, the hall where patients rooms were, the kitchen (if I behave, I can do kitchen duty?? Why would I want to do that?), and finally, the courtyard. Red pavers cover half of it and grass occupies the other half. Theres benches, flowers, bushes and two large oak trees. I’d say theres about 15 people out here at the moment.
I take in the scenery and a glimpse of bright red catches my eye.
Theres a man, sitting against one of the oaks with crimson locks of hair. He’s engrossed in a sketch book, making quick strokes with his pencil. I cant see him very well from here but he looks kind of hot to be honest. Wait, what am I saying? Im not gay.
He looks up and locks eyes with me. My heart starts pounding. What the hell, why is this happening? This has never happened before.
“You’re appointment starts soon. All the doctors offices are upstairs, follow me” Amy says, interrupting my train of thought.
I break eye contact with the man and follow Amy upstairs.

Notes

I wonder who the red-haired man could be?? hmmm...
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