Best Friends, Better Off As Lovers
Best Friends, Better Off As Lovers
Smack, smack.
The first raindrops of the season fell, hitting me directly on the nose as if the water saturated clouds had something against me which they more than likely did, I never liked rain and still failed to understand why everyone loved to write poems about it. I sputtered, hitting the droplets away as they started to come down more quickly, turning what had been a still and ever so slightly crisp night into the definition of wet and soggy.
My best friend Gerard and I had been sitting in the park, chatting after an entire day of hanging out at the various record stores spread out across the large township of Kingmill, breathing in the last of our freedom before started yet another year in high school, this time returning as juniors.
I'd thought we'd be able to get some time in before going back to his house that would be vacant of his parents and younger brother Mikey until they returned from his grandmothers on tuesday which gave us two whole nights to watch horror movies with the tv turned up loud while raiding the fridge and eating as much food as possible before we crashed.
"Uh-oh," Gerard said, rising from the park bench he'd been sitting on for a solid hour, he knew how much I hated the rain and more often than not if I got wet I'd be very grumpy until I dried off or at the very least warmed up.
The Way house was only a block away and from years and years of practice we knew it'd be a four minute when moving at a jog and maybe two minutes at a quick sprint, both methods had been tried and proven to work thanks to our shared childhood of bullies and rather unfriendly dogs with a child loathing neighbor thrown in for good measure.
Gerard wrapped his multicolored stripped scarf around his neck, the same one that he'd worn for years despite being called horrible names such as 'faggot' and 'poof' because of the fading pink his mother had affectionately knitted into it, not seeing the color as a problem at the time, not that it bothered him now.
"I'll make you a bet. How about we race back to the house and the last person in has to get all the snacks, deal?" He was making an attempt to distract me from the scowl that'd automatically came to my face as the rain fell, weighing heavily on both my mood and appearance since in my opinion scowling was my worst look.
"Deal," I replied, holding my pale hand out to his equally pale hand and shaking, I knew I'd be able to easily outrun him.
I won't try to lie, I've never been the fittest or most athletic kid in school but neither was he and while most boys were taking on the more masculine, toned edge they'd have in later life he'd remained baby-faced but grown into it at the same time.
He wasn't handsome either but I could tell he'd grow to be, at the moment he fit the word cute and wore it well, managing to look like the best description I could give you of an angel despite having straight black locks that went against the grain of the cliché blonde curls.
There was also his eyes, that could drift anywhere between a light hazel and a chocolaty brown where on an angel it would be a green or a blue.
While I was trapped in my thoughts Gerard had seen an opportunity to get to the house before me and had started running, wanting both to win and get out of the rain that was quickly soaking us to the bone despite the thick layer of clothes we both wore in preparation of the weatherman's prediction of a storm.
What had started out as a slight rainfall had taken a turn for the worst and was well on its way to an absolute torrent that should shortly be followed by a flood if things stayed at the rate they were at. As we turned onto the familiar street Gerard lived on with me hot at his heels the sound of thunder echoed across the sky, a final warning for any person who was out at midnight to get inside if the rain hadn't already worked as a sufficient stroller deterrent.
Gerard and I squeezed through the front door at the same time, neither of us winning or losing but at the same time neither of us wanting to admit to it.
"I got through first," I insisted, not caring whether or not I had to get snacks, mainly wanting to hold the dominance of being the faster runner over him.
"No I was halfway in the house before you were even running up the sidewalk and when it comes to situations like this it's oldest first." I blew a raspberry at him, clearly getting my thoughts of the 'I'm older' claim across, it didn't matter if he was older than me by a day or by an entire six months, I got through first.
Seeing I wasn't going to change my mind he came up with a new idea where we didn't have to bear the pain of losing or winning, "we both get the food at the same time," he suggested and I nodded, deciding it'd be best to agree with that since we were the kind of people who would argue about something as silly as a footrace all night.
We went into the kitchen, probably dripping water and treading mud over Mrs Way's pristine clean floor that would normally send her into a fit of cleaning and began to search the always well stocked cupboards holding every midnight snack a teenage heart and stomach could require.
Gerard went for the sweets, a family pack of Oreos and a tub of ice-cream while I clutched a pack of soda cans to my chest while holding various packets of crisps between my teeth, as per the usual routine.
We took the stairs just near the entrance of the hallway, the ones that led down to the basement or as Gee liked to call it 'my basement' because it was the closest thing he had to his own bedroom, it was either that or share a room with twelve year old Mikey who liked to sleep with a light on which disrupted the peaceful darkness Gerard loved so much.
The faint glow of the old tv was the only thing to light the room as we put the food on his bed that had been put together with a mixture of tartan and blue which is not the most attractive design combo I can say I've ever seen but Gerard was most definitely never one for fashion and was lucky he knew what clothes went on what body part.
"Okay, I was thinking we should start of with Return of-" He began but was cut off by a particularly loud crack of thunder that felt like it was uncomfortably close to the snug two story family home that had seen its fair share of storms.
The lights flickered for a moment, glowing bright then dimming before going out entirely, sending the basement hurtling into darkness and all but playing the ominous music that would go perfectly with the moment if this were one of Gee's beloved horror movies.
"Red, you 'right?" He asked, his voice seeming to echo through the darkness as I felt around, trying to move towards him since I didn't have any idea with what else I was supposed to do in this situation.
"Yeah, I think so." I shuffled further forward, swearing under my breath when my knee banged into his dresser.
"Stay there, I'll find something. Just give me a second," Gerard told me and I leant against the dresser, he knew his way around his own room and last time I checked he had a torch or at least matches for when he needed a cigarette.
"H-here, we go," he lit a large white candle and placed it on an empty shelf, stuttering over his words as he went, the coldness of wet clothes beginning to get to him and me too since at the same time a shiver ran over me.
The candle did a magnificent job of lighting everything up, not supplying the same amount of light as the tv but it was better than nothing and was sufficient to get the job of visibility done, at least I could see my own hand.
"I'm gonna get changed now, do you want something to wear?" I nodded and Gerard got one of his shirts that had been freshly folding on his desk chair and handed it to be before turning away, expecting me to do the same.
We'd been through this old routine a couple of times, get waterlogged, go back to Gee's place, borrow a top that's dry enough to sleep in and change in the basement together, no sneaky peeking involved...at least I didn't peak, I wasn't him so I couldn't speak his mind.
Facing the opposite side of the room I took my runners off, added my socks then threw them to the heap of shoes at the foot of the basement stairs. I unzipped my jacket and hung it from the corner of Gerard's dresser that he'd carve shapes into when in a bad mood and smirked at the newest addition, a goofy vampire.
My unhurried undressing came to a grinding halt when I made an attempt to pull my sweatshirt off, the problem being as I pulled it up, a few clothing layers underneath would move up and others remained stuck to my skin which resulted in me having my sweater around my ears while being unable to move an inch.
"Gee, can I get some help?" I hoped he could hear the worry in my voice that I could possibly suffocate myself, a rather pathetic death since it would be delivered not only by my hand but by sweatshirt as well.
"Uh, sure. What do you want me to do?" He sounded slightly panicked which I couldn't say I was surprised by with the skin of my stomach showing, for example I only had to say one sexy word and Gee would spiral off into a series of blushes.
"See the shirts stuck to my sweater? Pull them down and hold them down while I take this off." He did as I asked with his hands shaking ever so slightly, making me feel bad for putting him in this position of having to help but I didn't have much of a choice.
With a pealing sound the top layer came off and landed on the floor with a wet splat allowing me to move again and look at Gee who was blushing uncontrollably.
I don't know why but this time, instead of going about my usual awkward behavior of quickly averting my eyes I stared at him for a little longer, noticing the small changes in his face that'd happened since the last time I genuinely studied him.
His face had slimmed slightly, enough to make the drastic contrast between child and young man obvious. His cheekbones stood out more prominently and his nose was more defined along with his jaw that'd lost the baby fat that made the teenager look closer to six than sixteen.
Hmm, even his air hangs differently, it's grown longer and he's started styling it so he no longer hid under the usually greasy black mop that looked like he'd washed it recently.
His eyebrows went up slightly from how long I'd been staring at him, out of genuine surprise as to how good looking my best friend had become. I'd always thought he was attractive in a boy next door sorta way but had never thought of him as anything other than the chubby kid I used to hang out with when I was younger.
"Gerard," I murmured, making the eye contact that I dreaded most of the time, no matter who it was.
"Yes?" He replied as my gaze dropped to his lips, even the slight lisp I'd grown used to from spending so much time around him had disappeared, I would have only been able to hear it if I listened very closely, even then I think I would struggle.
"Would you be my first kiss?" The words barely came out as a whisper and I found myself internally flinching, worried that he'd wouldn't want to do it and wouldn't be gentle about it either.
"A-are you sure? Isn't there some guy at school that you'd rather-I mean I'm flattered and I'd love to and everything but y-y-you're really pretty and can do a lot better than me and uh, I know Kellin in band really likes you..." He was panicking, babbling and blushing which meant hardly any pause between words and the only way I was able to understand what he was saying was the fact I'd grown used to it over the years.
"And Vic, um, Alex, Brendon, Andy. I-I can name a lot of people, you don't have to say me just because yo-mmf." I didn't mean to interrupt him but once I knew he'd want to kiss me I couldn't help myself so I stood up on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips against his, hoping the first kiss would be as magical as everyone said it would be.
Gerard went very still, not trying to kiss me back but not moving away either, his eyes were wide open and his eyebrows had almost disappeared into his hair which I guess was a suitable reaction to being suddenly kissed.
I don't think he was even breathing.
Me on the other hand, I was shocked by what I felt. For the first few seconds it just felt like I was kissing someone else, slightly plushy, a bit moist because we were still soaked from the rain...but after giving it a little time I was greeted by the unexpected warmth that passed through my lips and heated me up from the inside.
I never knew I could feel like this, I've most certainly never felt it before.
When I'd first kissed him Gerard moved his hands away from me as if I were on fire and could burn him but after being given a chance to realize what was happening he moved his hands back to my sides where he'd been holding my shirt down.
With neither of us knowing what we were supposed to be doing we stood there, not doing anything other than kissing without any extravagant moves thrown in. I could imagine we looked like a pair of toddlers, one kissing the other with both of them not knowing what to do about it or how to react. It felt like that anyway.
"That, that was really nice," he giggled once I pulled away, sounding almost as if he were drunk which wouldn't be anything new, when you leave two teenagers in a house with access to booze something is going to happen, "do you want to do it again?" I smiled, finding his odd behavior endearing, especially from knowing the small fact that he'd never kissed anyone before either.
"Sure, let me just get changed," I had yet to undress, he'd managed to get into dry clothes, pyjama bottoms and a Morrissey shirt but his hair and parts of his body were still wet, little trails of rain ran down his face and hung from his pointed nose and chin.
Being a gentleman like he always was, Gerard covered his eyes with his hands and started to turn around.
"Wait," I stopped him and he moved his fingers enough to look at me, ready to look away if I was undressed, "um, you can watch if you want to." I was given a cautious frown with him half-turned towards me, he probably thought I was joking or playing a prank of some sort which I actually wasn't, as surprising as it may seem.
To show him it was certainly no trick I slowly moved my hands to the edge of jeans and undid them, sliding the denim down my legs and stepping out before following them with my shirt and started pulling the collar, struggling to get the wet fabric over my head with how much it stuck to my skin, the one time I can't undress myself and it has to be in front of him.
"I can help if you want," he offered and I nodded, I was freezing and the faster the cold clothes were off the warm ones could go on.
Gerard reached forward, his hands shaking as he pulled up two layers of shirts, getting them off in one go and saving me a lot of effort. Trying to guess whether or not I'd be okay with it on the go he started tugging on my singlet, the last part of clothing keeping my upper body covered and before long it was on the ground with all the other wet items.
"Um." I don't even think he had realized it but Gee had stopped all forms of verbal communication and was staring at my body, seeming to notice that I was in fact a girl for the first time after all the years he'd treated me like a guy.
"You're really, really pretty. I've never actually noticed before." He looked me up and down, not like I was some objects like most guys did, from them it'd feel as if they were undressing me with their eyes and it was a horrible, dirty feeling that I hated.
With Gerard it was like he was appreciating how I looked, it reminded me of the slightly dazed expression he'd get when he saw a piece of artwork he really liked or listened to a well written piece of music.
"Would it b-be okay if I touched you? I'll stop if you want me to." Somehow his face had managed to go an ever brighter shade of red that was visible even in the single candle lit room that barely managed to light the area where we stood.
"If you want." I was struggling not to stutter and stuck to only using a few words, it was a nervous habit I had and when freaked out badly enough I'd barely be able to get a sentence out.
Looking a hundred percent unsure of himself Gerard put his warm hand on my waist and ran his palm up my side, causing me to close my eyes at the nice feeling I'd never experienced before. I know that with most boys this wasn't how things worked so I was enjoying the ability to have an air of genuine curiosity about the whole institution.
His now still hand moved from my side to the front of my stomach and slowly moved up to my chest, him probably expecting me to call a stop to what we were doing at any moment, it was like a private game of Red Light, Green Light except much less childish.
The palm of his hand ran over my breast, sending the strange warm feelings through me again and I sighed, not expecting to like having someone touch me, especially when it was my ever-awkward best friend.
"I-I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked almost frantically when I sighed, he'd thought he'd done something wrong.
"No that's not it. What you were doing uh, it actually felt good." My face was gradually going red and I stared at the floor, not wanting to look at him with how brightly my cheeks would be burning, he'd have to be able to see it.
"That's wonderful, great. Here." One of his dry sweaters was thrust in my direction, intended for me to put it on and cover up my half naked state before things got too weird between us although I don't think we'd be able to get any more awkward tonight.
We retreated to the bed and sat on top of the covers, sharing a packet of crisps. Unfortunately for us the storm didn't seem like it'd be letting up soon and the power remained off, leaving us with nothing to do except sit in the increasingly awkward silence with the occasional crunch of crisps or crinkle of a packet.
"I'd really like to kiss you again if that's okay," Gee blurted and I was surprised that out of the two of us he was the first one to break out of his shyness barrier that kept him from speaking his mind most of the time.
"Y-yeah, that sounds good," I nodded, agreeing, ever since the silence started between us I'd been wanting to break it with the same question he'd asked but I hadn't managed to find the guts first.
Not knowing how we were supposed to do this I crawled out from under the blankets and sat on my knees in front of him, afraid to make a move despite kissing him earlier, it'd been a spur of the moment thing then. Gerard moved himself so he was sitting up straighter, our mouths almost on level before he put his hand on my cheek and leant forward, our eyes automatically closing as our lips connected once more, a little less hesitant this time.
There was more pressure in this kiss, our lips slightly parted and moist from the twenty minute anticipation of sitting in pure silence. For me his kiss tasted salty from the crisps he'd been eating and a wet strand of hair was pressed against my face, a reminder he'd be lucky if his thick black locks would be dried out by morning.
Our breath had started to sped up as he leant further in to me, the very tip of his tongue pressing experimentally on my lip, gauging my reaction to see if I'd freak out or be calm about it. My brain decided to with the second option and I remained relaxed although a fraction on edge as his tongue entered my mouth.
I was being pushed into a part of teenagerdom that I'd been reluctant to explore before but was actually curious about.
When I was a child I'd been led to believe kissing was gross, hugging a boy was gross and french kissing was a complete and utter, unspeakable no-no since everyone believed it'd be like 'making out with a slug' (eight year old Gerard's words) but it was pleasant, better than pleasant, it was actually really nice and made me feel fuzzy on the inside.
I put an arm around Gerard's neck and pulled him closer to me, not caring that an hour ago he was my off limits friend that I'd never consider doing anything with in a hundred million years, maybe that was a slight exaggeration but it's how I felt when comparing it to now.
Our lips were moving, a change from the brief kiss we had that involved us standing close with our lips touching, it barely counted as a kiss and would never count as one once we'd finished what we were doing. It was like one of those romances movies I hated, the ones where both parties look like they actually know the mechanics of a whole kiss, as far as I'm concerned you're either good at it or you're not.
Gerard's never kissed anyone before and it feels like he knows how it works.
We broke apart, neither of us having an option unless we wanted to pass out or something as equally embarrassing. Without either of us intending to we started giggling like kids, feeling high from the rush of hormones straight to our brains and the unpredicted shot of feelings right to our hearts.
My brain had shut off and my mouth wasn't working well either, it was wanted to do whatever the hell it felt like with no concern for whether or not my brain felt like it was a logical choice. So almost as if wearing matching 'I'm with stupid' shirts my brain and body worked together to leave me absolutely speechless.
"Gerard I know you're my first kiss and you know I'm your first kiss but I want you to be something else..." I already knew what I was going to say and it was like lying on railroad tracks and watching the train come towards me while being able to do nothing about it, "I want you to be my real first."
"I don't get it," he mumbled, scratching his head and leaning back on an arm, remaining blissfully unaware of the freight train I was about to reluctantly hit him with thanks to my mouth taking over without permission.
"I want you to be the first guy I'm ever with, the one I lose my virginity to."
It was a good thing Gerard was already lying down because he collapsed, not expecting me to produce a sentence like that when it wasn't all too long ago when I was terrified one of the guys at school would ask me out.
"W-what? Why would you want someone like me for that?! I wouldn't know what to do, why don't you ask one of the guys, Jack, Ash-"
"Because you're my best friend, I trust you more than anything and if I were to die tomorrow I'd much rather say I've been with you than Jack or Ashley and I know you won't go out bragging that you've been with me. But I can get it if you don't want to..." Gerard's eyes were still wide, he was obviously having trouble processing what I was telling him but I could understand why, if I were him I'd be pretty surprised too, there's no other way to react.
"No, no, no, it's not that I don't want to. You're beautiful and smart and I'd be lucky to be with you but I'd have no idea what to do. I've never had sex before and you know that, if you're going to be with someone then it should be with a guy who'll actually get you to enjoy it." I don't know how I felt about the whole 'get you to enjoy it' thing, that made it sound a bit like I was having sex against my will which I didn't want.
"You won't hurt me and anything we need to figure out we can do it on the go."
"But you're supposed to save sex for someone special, like your husband and this is hardly the time to do something like that," was his next excuse which seemed almost reasonable...if I didn't have a couple of reasons ready to be given.
"You are someone special, you've been my friend for over ten years and I'd rather my first time be with you than someone I could divorce and by the way, in case you haven't noticed I'm staying over at your house, your entire family is gone for the next three days and we're in the middle of a thunderstorm. By this point I think it's a freaking sign, all we need is for a quartet to show up and it'll mean God is demanding it." Try as he might Gerard was unable to argue with my reasoning and is what scared me is that I'd never even thought of this before, it was all my mouth shooting ideas rapid fire until he agreed.
"What about condoms then?"
"I know you've still got one in your bag from the health class last year when they were handing them out," I stated blankly, wondering from a distant part of my mind at the same time why my body was insisting so badly that I go through this.
"But I don't k-"
"Yes I know, you don't know what you're doing but I don't know what I'm doing either and we're sixteen so it's perfectly legal." I'd been ready to come up with more excuses but went quiet when Gerard sat up and kissed me, I couldn't tell if it was to take my mind off what I was insisting or if it was him finally caving but I enjoyed it.
"Fine, we-we'll do it but if I hurt you or something, say so, okay?" Gee stuttered, his lisp was back again from worry, he was such a sweetheart I doubted he could hurt a fly even if he wanted to but for his benefit I nodded, "this won't change us as friends will it?" He added, not wanting the near lifelong bond we'd grown to be warped in any way.
"Not if you don't want it to," I said, my hands on my knees and almost being able to watch the thoughts run through his head at a million miles an hour, positives and negatives, different branches that could sprout from the one situation.
"Um, alright. Let me put the food away." He moved back and bundled the various bags and packets up in his arms and moved them to the dresser, not needing to care about the soda cans that were half pushed under the double bed.
While he was busying himself adjusted the oversized sweatshirt, pulling the sleeves down as far as I could then nervously biting a thumbnail, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach to the best of my ability. I inched closer to the side of the bed so my legs were dangling off, my toes skimming the ground as I watched Gerard search through his knapsack for the condom that he would still have since he never cleaned out his bag.
"I um, found it," he mumbled, putting the red semi-clear packet on the bedside table and standing in front of me, we didn't know how to proceed and I was completely unsure of making a move to do something, "what do I do?"
"Ah, try kissing me again," I suggested, a millennia of instinct couldn't be wrong with telling us what to do and even if that didn't work, the kissing would be a nice, steady place to build a foundation off of.
I scooted back so Gerard could sit on the edge and waited for him to do something, he was a better kisser than I'd be and I was concerned I might accidentally bite him so I wanted to stay as still as possible.
"By the way, I only know what I'm doing from what I've heard...and uh, watched so if anything I do seems weird it's not my fault." His face went bright red again and he stopped looking at me, embarrassed by a simple admission that I couldn't care less about.
Gerard chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before moving forward and kissing me, the heat radiating from the burn in his cheeks transmitting to my skin as I leant back, using my elbows to hold me up while he moved his hands around, not knowing what to do with them. He settled with resting his palm on my thigh as my lips parted enough for his tongue to enter, the butterflies in my stomach beating around even harder.
We moved back further in his bed as we kissed so the weight of my body was now supported by the large amounts of pillows, giving me a chance to put my arms around his neck and kiss him back properly. Despite his slight shaking Gerard inched his hand away from the outside of my thigh and closer to the inside, stopping at the leg band of my panties.
Other than the sound of rain pouring down on the roof the entire house remained silent as Gee slipped the fabric covering my crouch to the side, making my heart beat faster and my brain blur. I honestly hadn't expected it to feel like all that much but I was surprised by the feeling at accompanied one of his long artist fingers dipping into me, taking my mind off anything and everything.
Not meaning to I moaned, causing Gerard to jump from the unexpected sound.
"Are you okay, I didn't do anything wrong did I?" He asked, looking down at me, his brows knitted together out of concern which caused me to wonder if he'd even be able to enjoy a moment of this or if he'd be taken by worry the whole time.
"I'm fine, it feels good, really good. If anything hurts I'll say 'stop'." I tried to make that as clear as possible so any sounds I might make wouldn't me mistaken for pain or discomfort because otherwise he'd be asking me if I was okay for the whole night.
Gerard started to respond but I pulled his lips back to mine, silencing him before he could talk either of us out of this. I knew he possessed the ability to but I was enjoying what we were doing and I think if I try hard enough I can stop him from worrying about what he's doing.
He pushed his finger back into me and I moaned again but thankfully he didn't stop this time and kept moving it in and out, becoming more bolder when he realized I was fine with it. A second finger slipped in and I kissed him harder, the hormones from earlier beginning to cloud my head and taking away the judgment I didn't even have in the first place.
A strange pressure began to build up inside of me and I started squirming around in the borrowed sweater, feeling like my clothes were too tight and I was on the verge of overheating.
"Can I take the sweater off?" He mumbled and I eagerly nodded, feeling the pressure decrease when he took his fingers out and tugged the layer over my head, throwing it off the bed without caring where it went, "and um, your panties, maybe?" I made no move to stop him as he carefully pulled the waistband down, only lifting myself up enough to help him get them off.
He looked at me and I blushed, realizing this was the closest he'd ever seen me to wearing nothing. As kids and a teenagers we'd gone swimming at the local pool which meant I'd wear a bikini but we were in a much more intimate setting than that and I was glad I'd taken the advice of my Mother's woman magazines and shaved down there.
"Would it b-be okay if I tried something? I'm just curious what it'd be like." I didn't know what the 'something' was but it was Gerard who said it and I couldn't imagine him doing anything bad so I mumbled a yes.
He leant forward and I closed my eyes, expecting him to kiss me but opened my lids again when I felt his soft lips press against my neck briefly before moving down to my collarbone, it felt almost as nice as regular kisses and I allowed my head to sink into the pillow. The kisses made a trail to my naval and I frowned, wondering what he was doing since this wasn't like anything I'd heard about before.
"Could you move your legs apart a little?" Deciding he must have a reason for this I parted my legs in time for him to start kissing me, a funny fluttering unlike the butterflies going on in my stomach the lower his lips went.
Not expecting what I got I squealed when I felt his warm breath against my centre, I didn't know guys liked to go town to that area and I knew what girls would do to guys with their mouths but I didn't know guys could do the same.
His tongue ran a stripe over the sensitive flesh and without willing it my legs went together on their own accord, locking his head between my thighs which I would have apologized for if he would have noticed or if I could have found the will to move further.
My body was the only thing working at the moment, my brain and my mouth had shut down and I lifted my hips towards him without meaning to, causing Gerard to pin me down with a hand on my waist, he's stronger than I thought.
His nose bumped against my clitoris and I flung and arm over my face to suppress the moan I let out, thinking that the neighbors would be able to hear me despite the storm raging outside at full blast.
My body started shaking, taking any remaining control I might of had as the sounds around me faded in and out and I struggled to simply regain the ability to breath while swept up by a sea of good, that's the only way I could describe it. In the brief flashes of consciousness I had I reached out to Gerard and put my hand on his head, not knowing why other than it acting as a reminder that another person had managed to make me feel this good.
My legs fell limply on the bed, allowing Gerard to sit back and wipe his mouth with the back of his arm or that's at least what I think he did, I could have very well been imaging the whole thing while being semi delusional.
"You taste really sweet," he mumbled and I opened my eyes enough to see him shyly smile, I have no idea how he could look shy after that, I think that's about the closest you could possibly get to another person.
"Thanks," I said, not knowing how else was supposed to respond, "would you like to have sex now?" I offered, sitting up, still in a state of recovery from whatever the hell the wonderful thing was that he just did.
"Yeah, if you don't mind." I sat up and started trying to undo my bra while he reached for the packet on the nightstand and put it on the bed beside us.
My bra was added to the huge pile of clothes on the floor before I moved over to him and started tugged on his Morrissey shirt, I wasn't going to be the only one naked in this room and that was for sure. The shirt came off easily and the pyjama bottoms quickly followed, leaving Gerard to deal with the same issue I remember him having when I met him eleven years ago at the small local carnival.
"Are you sure you want to see me without clothes? I could put out the candle if you want or we could get under the blankets." I don't know why exactly but Gerard had always had a problem with his body, it was understandable when he was younger and had a bit of weight on but I didn't get how he'd managed to carry it through to his teen years where he other than his baby-face he didn't weigh that much.
"Gee, you're fine. You look perfect," I told him, smiling, I didn't have a problem seeing him without his shirt or pants, if anything it gave me an opportunity to realize just how pale and smooth his skin was, to the point of appearing even more angelic.
"O-okay then." He picked up the condom packet and started trying to open it and when he couldn't I took it from him, feeling my heart pick up pace when I realized how close we were to actually doing this.
I turned it over in my hands and started tugging on the corner only to stop when a couple of plain black numbers caught my eye.
"Its expired," I told him throwing the packet onto the nightstand, we obviously couldn't use it now.
"Condoms can expire?" He asked, I thought he knew the same about that as me, after all we went to the same sex ed class but know that I think about it he spent most of his time drawing on the back of his notebook.
"Yes, and this one entered useless land a week ago."
"Oh." He slowly nodded and I thought for a moment, trying to think what we could do now that we 'shouldn't have sex' according to every grownup that enforces the rule of use condoms or bad things will happen.
"I don't want to use a condom if you don't," I mumbled, looking at the floor and flat out refusing to make eye contact with him while I talked.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He sounded skeptical about what I had to say but didn't it work that all guys would rather not use condoms, that's what I've heard everyone saying, be it real life or in movies.
"I could always go out tomorrow and get a morning after pill," I shrugged, not thinking of it as a big deal, it's just a pill, it'd be like buying my allergy pills.
"If you want then," Gerard said before moving over to me, at least we wouldn't have to suffer through the awkwardness that came with trying to put a condom on, it was bad enough using a banana in class when everyone else was out of their comfort zones.
I sat up with my back against the pillows and kissed him, my eyes fluttering shut and my pulse rapidly climbing as his hand ran up my side. I was still nervous with what we were doing but wanted to go through with it, Gerard was my best friend and I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else like this.
His tongue brushed against mine as he kissed me harder, his typical shyness waning as we got caught up by each other as we inched down in the bed his hands going on either side of my head to hold himself up. My skin was starting to feel sweaty from the heat in the room and I moaned as a hand ran down my thigh, pulling my leg up so it was at his waist.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, checking for the final time in case I had any last minute mind changes. I could feel a definite bulge in his briefs and took it as a fair warning for what was to come.
"Positive," I replied as he slipped his underwear off and dropped them next to the bed.
"And, uh are you ready?" I understood what he was asking and trying to avoid asking at the same time so I nodded, taking a deep breath.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I said, looking into his bright hazel eyes and giving him a nervous smile, feeling a little timid but not planning on going back on what I'd already agreed to.
Gerard glanced down for a moment, being careful as he slowly guided himself into me. I closed my eyes, ever so slightly worried it might hurt or be uncomfortable but instead of the pain I expected, it didn't actually feel that bad.
"It doesn't hurt does it?" I shook my head and Gerard let out a sigh of relief, "good, I don't want to hurt you." Well I'd certainly hope so.
"Y-you can move if you like," I told him, opening my eyes to see if he was enjoying himself, it'd be pointless if it was only me who had all the fun, Gee was a part of this two and it was an experience I wanted to share with him.
Gerard pushed forward and I flinched slightly, okay maybe it was a little bit uncomfortable.
"No, don't get that look, um..." He was on the verge of freaking out and to bring my mind away from any discomfort he kissed me, slowly and carefully as if he were putting great thought in what else he could do to make it easier.
"Gee, keep moving, it's alright," I mumbled around his lips and he actually listened to me, moving further in and causing my grip on his arms to tighten, it was at an almost hurt but it was bearable, still not enough to make me change my mind.
I cringed as the final few inches went in and Gerard kissed me harder continuing to keep his mind focused on me and not his own sexual gratification like I've heard most guys like to do. Realizing he was all the way in he started to slowly pull back and instead of it being the further discomfort I expected it was very, very different.
"Oh," I breathed, my blunt nails digging into his skin.
"'Oh'? Is that a good oh or a bad oh?" His voice had gone up in pitch and I almost smiled, finding it funny, he really had no idea what he was doing, it was adorable.
"Good, if it was bad you'd be the first to know." At that he kept moving, pulling all the way out then pushing back in, causing me to say another loud 'oh' at the warm feeling I was starting to get in my arms and legs.
The snails pace we were moving at gradually increased and my breathing sped up, there was no doubt I was starting to get sweaty. I could feel the perspiration building on Gerard's skin and could taste it on his lips when he bowed his head to kiss me.
Of course the whole time I was wondering how on earth something could feel this good without it being illegal, I almost decided on that spot that if I could do this every day I most definitely would and it would only be better if it was with Gerard, I trusted him and no matter how much he could deny it, he knew what he was doing.
"Oh my God," I moaned obscenely when he hit a sensitive spot inside of me that I didn't even know I had, causing the tingles I had running through my body to triple, almost building up to an unmanageable level.
I looked up at Gerard, his eyes were closed and his mouth was half open, spit at sweat turning his bottom lip shiny and I swear seeing him like that almost killed me, with a simple expression he'd gone from adorable to the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
I moaned again when another wave of pleasure hit me, my back arching off the bed and my chest pushing against his as I struggled to gain some normal thought before I disappeared into a void I wouldn't and couldn't come back from.
Groaning quietly Gerard pressed his face into my neck, his arms shaking and he pushed into me harder and faster, shivers running rampant on my skin as my mouth spilled what sounded like pure nonsense which wasn't any improvement from ten minutes ago when I was making the same sounds.
I whimpered as I felt Gee roughly kiss my neck, a welcome change from his typical apologetic demeanor not that I didn't love how he blushed and would trip over his own words at the silliest of times.
"Red, I don't think I can keep this up much longer," he moaned as I tilted my head back, not being very useful in what is supposed to be considered teamwork.
"I-I can't either," I stuttered, preoccupied by the heatwave taking over my entire body and almost completely incapacitating me on the spot.
His movements became quicker but less well timed as the pressure inside be built to an absolute pinnacle, leaving no space in my mind for anything but what was happening at this exact moment.
It was during the last sharp thrust that I was overtaken by an avalanche of pleasure, sweeping me away to God knows where while I struggled to hold on to any mildly sane thoughts I might have left in my well frazzled brain.
"Oh, Gee," I groaned, releasing what I'd been holding back at the same time as him while he let out a loud, throaty moan that beat any sound I could possibly make.
Gerard's arms gave out and he slumped to the side, landing on the bed beside me while I was still recovering, not knowing if I'd ever be able to use my mouth or proper thoughts ever again, heck I'd be lucky if I could move now.
We lay next to each other, panting and calming down after an unexpected turn of events that had successfully changed our friendship, hopefully for the better and hopefully permanently, I don't think I'd ever be able to return to thinking of Gerard in the same manner after this.
"You said you didn't know what you're doing," I said, accusing him halfheartedly while staring at the beamed ceiling.
"I didn't, I said I only know what to do from what I've seen and heard." Well he must have seen and heard a lot because I know that despite the fact I was a virgin not that long ago, he did a good job and there was no denying it.
Realizing how cold it was in the basement without my hormones to keep me warm I crawled under the thick blankets and stretched out, still feeling floaty from the experience of losing my virginity to someone I valued as much as Gerard. Noticing the temperature as well he got under the rugs and moved closer to me so I could lay my head against his chest, a peaceful way to end the incredibly long night.
I put my arm around Gerard and curled up next to him with his arm draped over my waist, "thank you, Gee," I mumbled, already preparing to go to sleep, I felt as warn out as I could ever be.
"I should thank you," he replied, "I've been wanting you to notice me for the past seven years." I giggled, it was true that Gerard used to do cutesie stuff but at the time I'd never thought anything of it.
"Red?"
"Mmm?" My eyes were closed and I could feel my body shutting down.
"Would you be my girlfriend?" He whispered and I nuzzled my head into his chest, yawning before answering.
"Of course I want to Geebear, I love you."
The last thing I heard before going to sleep was his voice quietly answering with 'I love you more'.
The first raindrops of the season fell, hitting me directly on the nose as if the water saturated clouds had something against me which they more than likely did, I never liked rain and still failed to understand why everyone loved to write poems about it. I sputtered, hitting the droplets away as they started to come down more quickly, turning what had been a still and ever so slightly crisp night into the definition of wet and soggy.
My best friend Gerard and I had been sitting in the park, chatting after an entire day of hanging out at the various record stores spread out across the large township of Kingmill, breathing in the last of our freedom before started yet another year in high school, this time returning as juniors.
I'd thought we'd be able to get some time in before going back to his house that would be vacant of his parents and younger brother Mikey until they returned from his grandmothers on tuesday which gave us two whole nights to watch horror movies with the tv turned up loud while raiding the fridge and eating as much food as possible before we crashed.
"Uh-oh," Gerard said, rising from the park bench he'd been sitting on for a solid hour, he knew how much I hated the rain and more often than not if I got wet I'd be very grumpy until I dried off or at the very least warmed up.
The Way house was only a block away and from years and years of practice we knew it'd be a four minute when moving at a jog and maybe two minutes at a quick sprint, both methods had been tried and proven to work thanks to our shared childhood of bullies and rather unfriendly dogs with a child loathing neighbor thrown in for good measure.
Gerard wrapped his multicolored stripped scarf around his neck, the same one that he'd worn for years despite being called horrible names such as 'faggot' and 'poof' because of the fading pink his mother had affectionately knitted into it, not seeing the color as a problem at the time, not that it bothered him now.
"I'll make you a bet. How about we race back to the house and the last person in has to get all the snacks, deal?" He was making an attempt to distract me from the scowl that'd automatically came to my face as the rain fell, weighing heavily on both my mood and appearance since in my opinion scowling was my worst look.
"Deal," I replied, holding my pale hand out to his equally pale hand and shaking, I knew I'd be able to easily outrun him.
I won't try to lie, I've never been the fittest or most athletic kid in school but neither was he and while most boys were taking on the more masculine, toned edge they'd have in later life he'd remained baby-faced but grown into it at the same time.
He wasn't handsome either but I could tell he'd grow to be, at the moment he fit the word cute and wore it well, managing to look like the best description I could give you of an angel despite having straight black locks that went against the grain of the cliché blonde curls.
There was also his eyes, that could drift anywhere between a light hazel and a chocolaty brown where on an angel it would be a green or a blue.
While I was trapped in my thoughts Gerard had seen an opportunity to get to the house before me and had started running, wanting both to win and get out of the rain that was quickly soaking us to the bone despite the thick layer of clothes we both wore in preparation of the weatherman's prediction of a storm.
What had started out as a slight rainfall had taken a turn for the worst and was well on its way to an absolute torrent that should shortly be followed by a flood if things stayed at the rate they were at. As we turned onto the familiar street Gerard lived on with me hot at his heels the sound of thunder echoed across the sky, a final warning for any person who was out at midnight to get inside if the rain hadn't already worked as a sufficient stroller deterrent.
Gerard and I squeezed through the front door at the same time, neither of us winning or losing but at the same time neither of us wanting to admit to it.
"I got through first," I insisted, not caring whether or not I had to get snacks, mainly wanting to hold the dominance of being the faster runner over him.
"No I was halfway in the house before you were even running up the sidewalk and when it comes to situations like this it's oldest first." I blew a raspberry at him, clearly getting my thoughts of the 'I'm older' claim across, it didn't matter if he was older than me by a day or by an entire six months, I got through first.
Seeing I wasn't going to change my mind he came up with a new idea where we didn't have to bear the pain of losing or winning, "we both get the food at the same time," he suggested and I nodded, deciding it'd be best to agree with that since we were the kind of people who would argue about something as silly as a footrace all night.
We went into the kitchen, probably dripping water and treading mud over Mrs Way's pristine clean floor that would normally send her into a fit of cleaning and began to search the always well stocked cupboards holding every midnight snack a teenage heart and stomach could require.
Gerard went for the sweets, a family pack of Oreos and a tub of ice-cream while I clutched a pack of soda cans to my chest while holding various packets of crisps between my teeth, as per the usual routine.
We took the stairs just near the entrance of the hallway, the ones that led down to the basement or as Gee liked to call it 'my basement' because it was the closest thing he had to his own bedroom, it was either that or share a room with twelve year old Mikey who liked to sleep with a light on which disrupted the peaceful darkness Gerard loved so much.
The faint glow of the old tv was the only thing to light the room as we put the food on his bed that had been put together with a mixture of tartan and blue which is not the most attractive design combo I can say I've ever seen but Gerard was most definitely never one for fashion and was lucky he knew what clothes went on what body part.
"Okay, I was thinking we should start of with Return of-" He began but was cut off by a particularly loud crack of thunder that felt like it was uncomfortably close to the snug two story family home that had seen its fair share of storms.
The lights flickered for a moment, glowing bright then dimming before going out entirely, sending the basement hurtling into darkness and all but playing the ominous music that would go perfectly with the moment if this were one of Gee's beloved horror movies.
"Red, you 'right?" He asked, his voice seeming to echo through the darkness as I felt around, trying to move towards him since I didn't have any idea with what else I was supposed to do in this situation.
"Yeah, I think so." I shuffled further forward, swearing under my breath when my knee banged into his dresser.
"Stay there, I'll find something. Just give me a second," Gerard told me and I leant against the dresser, he knew his way around his own room and last time I checked he had a torch or at least matches for when he needed a cigarette.
"H-here, we go," he lit a large white candle and placed it on an empty shelf, stuttering over his words as he went, the coldness of wet clothes beginning to get to him and me too since at the same time a shiver ran over me.
The candle did a magnificent job of lighting everything up, not supplying the same amount of light as the tv but it was better than nothing and was sufficient to get the job of visibility done, at least I could see my own hand.
"I'm gonna get changed now, do you want something to wear?" I nodded and Gerard got one of his shirts that had been freshly folding on his desk chair and handed it to be before turning away, expecting me to do the same.
We'd been through this old routine a couple of times, get waterlogged, go back to Gee's place, borrow a top that's dry enough to sleep in and change in the basement together, no sneaky peeking involved...at least I didn't peak, I wasn't him so I couldn't speak his mind.
Facing the opposite side of the room I took my runners off, added my socks then threw them to the heap of shoes at the foot of the basement stairs. I unzipped my jacket and hung it from the corner of Gerard's dresser that he'd carve shapes into when in a bad mood and smirked at the newest addition, a goofy vampire.
My unhurried undressing came to a grinding halt when I made an attempt to pull my sweatshirt off, the problem being as I pulled it up, a few clothing layers underneath would move up and others remained stuck to my skin which resulted in me having my sweater around my ears while being unable to move an inch.
"Gee, can I get some help?" I hoped he could hear the worry in my voice that I could possibly suffocate myself, a rather pathetic death since it would be delivered not only by my hand but by sweatshirt as well.
"Uh, sure. What do you want me to do?" He sounded slightly panicked which I couldn't say I was surprised by with the skin of my stomach showing, for example I only had to say one sexy word and Gee would spiral off into a series of blushes.
"See the shirts stuck to my sweater? Pull them down and hold them down while I take this off." He did as I asked with his hands shaking ever so slightly, making me feel bad for putting him in this position of having to help but I didn't have much of a choice.
With a pealing sound the top layer came off and landed on the floor with a wet splat allowing me to move again and look at Gee who was blushing uncontrollably.
I don't know why but this time, instead of going about my usual awkward behavior of quickly averting my eyes I stared at him for a little longer, noticing the small changes in his face that'd happened since the last time I genuinely studied him.
His face had slimmed slightly, enough to make the drastic contrast between child and young man obvious. His cheekbones stood out more prominently and his nose was more defined along with his jaw that'd lost the baby fat that made the teenager look closer to six than sixteen.
Hmm, even his air hangs differently, it's grown longer and he's started styling it so he no longer hid under the usually greasy black mop that looked like he'd washed it recently.
His eyebrows went up slightly from how long I'd been staring at him, out of genuine surprise as to how good looking my best friend had become. I'd always thought he was attractive in a boy next door sorta way but had never thought of him as anything other than the chubby kid I used to hang out with when I was younger.
"Gerard," I murmured, making the eye contact that I dreaded most of the time, no matter who it was.
"Yes?" He replied as my gaze dropped to his lips, even the slight lisp I'd grown used to from spending so much time around him had disappeared, I would have only been able to hear it if I listened very closely, even then I think I would struggle.
"Would you be my first kiss?" The words barely came out as a whisper and I found myself internally flinching, worried that he'd wouldn't want to do it and wouldn't be gentle about it either.
"A-are you sure? Isn't there some guy at school that you'd rather-I mean I'm flattered and I'd love to and everything but y-y-you're really pretty and can do a lot better than me and uh, I know Kellin in band really likes you..." He was panicking, babbling and blushing which meant hardly any pause between words and the only way I was able to understand what he was saying was the fact I'd grown used to it over the years.
"And Vic, um, Alex, Brendon, Andy. I-I can name a lot of people, you don't have to say me just because yo-mmf." I didn't mean to interrupt him but once I knew he'd want to kiss me I couldn't help myself so I stood up on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips against his, hoping the first kiss would be as magical as everyone said it would be.
Gerard went very still, not trying to kiss me back but not moving away either, his eyes were wide open and his eyebrows had almost disappeared into his hair which I guess was a suitable reaction to being suddenly kissed.
I don't think he was even breathing.
Me on the other hand, I was shocked by what I felt. For the first few seconds it just felt like I was kissing someone else, slightly plushy, a bit moist because we were still soaked from the rain...but after giving it a little time I was greeted by the unexpected warmth that passed through my lips and heated me up from the inside.
I never knew I could feel like this, I've most certainly never felt it before.
When I'd first kissed him Gerard moved his hands away from me as if I were on fire and could burn him but after being given a chance to realize what was happening he moved his hands back to my sides where he'd been holding my shirt down.
With neither of us knowing what we were supposed to be doing we stood there, not doing anything other than kissing without any extravagant moves thrown in. I could imagine we looked like a pair of toddlers, one kissing the other with both of them not knowing what to do about it or how to react. It felt like that anyway.
"That, that was really nice," he giggled once I pulled away, sounding almost as if he were drunk which wouldn't be anything new, when you leave two teenagers in a house with access to booze something is going to happen, "do you want to do it again?" I smiled, finding his odd behavior endearing, especially from knowing the small fact that he'd never kissed anyone before either.
"Sure, let me just get changed," I had yet to undress, he'd managed to get into dry clothes, pyjama bottoms and a Morrissey shirt but his hair and parts of his body were still wet, little trails of rain ran down his face and hung from his pointed nose and chin.
Being a gentleman like he always was, Gerard covered his eyes with his hands and started to turn around.
"Wait," I stopped him and he moved his fingers enough to look at me, ready to look away if I was undressed, "um, you can watch if you want to." I was given a cautious frown with him half-turned towards me, he probably thought I was joking or playing a prank of some sort which I actually wasn't, as surprising as it may seem.
To show him it was certainly no trick I slowly moved my hands to the edge of jeans and undid them, sliding the denim down my legs and stepping out before following them with my shirt and started pulling the collar, struggling to get the wet fabric over my head with how much it stuck to my skin, the one time I can't undress myself and it has to be in front of him.
"I can help if you want," he offered and I nodded, I was freezing and the faster the cold clothes were off the warm ones could go on.
Gerard reached forward, his hands shaking as he pulled up two layers of shirts, getting them off in one go and saving me a lot of effort. Trying to guess whether or not I'd be okay with it on the go he started tugging on my singlet, the last part of clothing keeping my upper body covered and before long it was on the ground with all the other wet items.
"Um." I don't even think he had realized it but Gee had stopped all forms of verbal communication and was staring at my body, seeming to notice that I was in fact a girl for the first time after all the years he'd treated me like a guy.
"You're really, really pretty. I've never actually noticed before." He looked me up and down, not like I was some objects like most guys did, from them it'd feel as if they were undressing me with their eyes and it was a horrible, dirty feeling that I hated.
With Gerard it was like he was appreciating how I looked, it reminded me of the slightly dazed expression he'd get when he saw a piece of artwork he really liked or listened to a well written piece of music.
"Would it b-be okay if I touched you? I'll stop if you want me to." Somehow his face had managed to go an ever brighter shade of red that was visible even in the single candle lit room that barely managed to light the area where we stood.
"If you want." I was struggling not to stutter and stuck to only using a few words, it was a nervous habit I had and when freaked out badly enough I'd barely be able to get a sentence out.
Looking a hundred percent unsure of himself Gerard put his warm hand on my waist and ran his palm up my side, causing me to close my eyes at the nice feeling I'd never experienced before. I know that with most boys this wasn't how things worked so I was enjoying the ability to have an air of genuine curiosity about the whole institution.
His now still hand moved from my side to the front of my stomach and slowly moved up to my chest, him probably expecting me to call a stop to what we were doing at any moment, it was like a private game of Red Light, Green Light except much less childish.
The palm of his hand ran over my breast, sending the strange warm feelings through me again and I sighed, not expecting to like having someone touch me, especially when it was my ever-awkward best friend.
"I-I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked almost frantically when I sighed, he'd thought he'd done something wrong.
"No that's not it. What you were doing uh, it actually felt good." My face was gradually going red and I stared at the floor, not wanting to look at him with how brightly my cheeks would be burning, he'd have to be able to see it.
"That's wonderful, great. Here." One of his dry sweaters was thrust in my direction, intended for me to put it on and cover up my half naked state before things got too weird between us although I don't think we'd be able to get any more awkward tonight.
We retreated to the bed and sat on top of the covers, sharing a packet of crisps. Unfortunately for us the storm didn't seem like it'd be letting up soon and the power remained off, leaving us with nothing to do except sit in the increasingly awkward silence with the occasional crunch of crisps or crinkle of a packet.
"I'd really like to kiss you again if that's okay," Gee blurted and I was surprised that out of the two of us he was the first one to break out of his shyness barrier that kept him from speaking his mind most of the time.
"Y-yeah, that sounds good," I nodded, agreeing, ever since the silence started between us I'd been wanting to break it with the same question he'd asked but I hadn't managed to find the guts first.
Not knowing how we were supposed to do this I crawled out from under the blankets and sat on my knees in front of him, afraid to make a move despite kissing him earlier, it'd been a spur of the moment thing then. Gerard moved himself so he was sitting up straighter, our mouths almost on level before he put his hand on my cheek and leant forward, our eyes automatically closing as our lips connected once more, a little less hesitant this time.
There was more pressure in this kiss, our lips slightly parted and moist from the twenty minute anticipation of sitting in pure silence. For me his kiss tasted salty from the crisps he'd been eating and a wet strand of hair was pressed against my face, a reminder he'd be lucky if his thick black locks would be dried out by morning.
Our breath had started to sped up as he leant further in to me, the very tip of his tongue pressing experimentally on my lip, gauging my reaction to see if I'd freak out or be calm about it. My brain decided to with the second option and I remained relaxed although a fraction on edge as his tongue entered my mouth.
I was being pushed into a part of teenagerdom that I'd been reluctant to explore before but was actually curious about.
When I was a child I'd been led to believe kissing was gross, hugging a boy was gross and french kissing was a complete and utter, unspeakable no-no since everyone believed it'd be like 'making out with a slug' (eight year old Gerard's words) but it was pleasant, better than pleasant, it was actually really nice and made me feel fuzzy on the inside.
I put an arm around Gerard's neck and pulled him closer to me, not caring that an hour ago he was my off limits friend that I'd never consider doing anything with in a hundred million years, maybe that was a slight exaggeration but it's how I felt when comparing it to now.
Our lips were moving, a change from the brief kiss we had that involved us standing close with our lips touching, it barely counted as a kiss and would never count as one once we'd finished what we were doing. It was like one of those romances movies I hated, the ones where both parties look like they actually know the mechanics of a whole kiss, as far as I'm concerned you're either good at it or you're not.
Gerard's never kissed anyone before and it feels like he knows how it works.
We broke apart, neither of us having an option unless we wanted to pass out or something as equally embarrassing. Without either of us intending to we started giggling like kids, feeling high from the rush of hormones straight to our brains and the unpredicted shot of feelings right to our hearts.
My brain had shut off and my mouth wasn't working well either, it was wanted to do whatever the hell it felt like with no concern for whether or not my brain felt like it was a logical choice. So almost as if wearing matching 'I'm with stupid' shirts my brain and body worked together to leave me absolutely speechless.
"Gerard I know you're my first kiss and you know I'm your first kiss but I want you to be something else..." I already knew what I was going to say and it was like lying on railroad tracks and watching the train come towards me while being able to do nothing about it, "I want you to be my real first."
"I don't get it," he mumbled, scratching his head and leaning back on an arm, remaining blissfully unaware of the freight train I was about to reluctantly hit him with thanks to my mouth taking over without permission.
"I want you to be the first guy I'm ever with, the one I lose my virginity to."
It was a good thing Gerard was already lying down because he collapsed, not expecting me to produce a sentence like that when it wasn't all too long ago when I was terrified one of the guys at school would ask me out.
"W-what? Why would you want someone like me for that?! I wouldn't know what to do, why don't you ask one of the guys, Jack, Ash-"
"Because you're my best friend, I trust you more than anything and if I were to die tomorrow I'd much rather say I've been with you than Jack or Ashley and I know you won't go out bragging that you've been with me. But I can get it if you don't want to..." Gerard's eyes were still wide, he was obviously having trouble processing what I was telling him but I could understand why, if I were him I'd be pretty surprised too, there's no other way to react.
"No, no, no, it's not that I don't want to. You're beautiful and smart and I'd be lucky to be with you but I'd have no idea what to do. I've never had sex before and you know that, if you're going to be with someone then it should be with a guy who'll actually get you to enjoy it." I don't know how I felt about the whole 'get you to enjoy it' thing, that made it sound a bit like I was having sex against my will which I didn't want.
"You won't hurt me and anything we need to figure out we can do it on the go."
"But you're supposed to save sex for someone special, like your husband and this is hardly the time to do something like that," was his next excuse which seemed almost reasonable...if I didn't have a couple of reasons ready to be given.
"You are someone special, you've been my friend for over ten years and I'd rather my first time be with you than someone I could divorce and by the way, in case you haven't noticed I'm staying over at your house, your entire family is gone for the next three days and we're in the middle of a thunderstorm. By this point I think it's a freaking sign, all we need is for a quartet to show up and it'll mean God is demanding it." Try as he might Gerard was unable to argue with my reasoning and is what scared me is that I'd never even thought of this before, it was all my mouth shooting ideas rapid fire until he agreed.
"What about condoms then?"
"I know you've still got one in your bag from the health class last year when they were handing them out," I stated blankly, wondering from a distant part of my mind at the same time why my body was insisting so badly that I go through this.
"But I don't k-"
"Yes I know, you don't know what you're doing but I don't know what I'm doing either and we're sixteen so it's perfectly legal." I'd been ready to come up with more excuses but went quiet when Gerard sat up and kissed me, I couldn't tell if it was to take my mind off what I was insisting or if it was him finally caving but I enjoyed it.
"Fine, we-we'll do it but if I hurt you or something, say so, okay?" Gee stuttered, his lisp was back again from worry, he was such a sweetheart I doubted he could hurt a fly even if he wanted to but for his benefit I nodded, "this won't change us as friends will it?" He added, not wanting the near lifelong bond we'd grown to be warped in any way.
"Not if you don't want it to," I said, my hands on my knees and almost being able to watch the thoughts run through his head at a million miles an hour, positives and negatives, different branches that could sprout from the one situation.
"Um, alright. Let me put the food away." He moved back and bundled the various bags and packets up in his arms and moved them to the dresser, not needing to care about the soda cans that were half pushed under the double bed.
While he was busying himself adjusted the oversized sweatshirt, pulling the sleeves down as far as I could then nervously biting a thumbnail, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach to the best of my ability. I inched closer to the side of the bed so my legs were dangling off, my toes skimming the ground as I watched Gerard search through his knapsack for the condom that he would still have since he never cleaned out his bag.
"I um, found it," he mumbled, putting the red semi-clear packet on the bedside table and standing in front of me, we didn't know how to proceed and I was completely unsure of making a move to do something, "what do I do?"
"Ah, try kissing me again," I suggested, a millennia of instinct couldn't be wrong with telling us what to do and even if that didn't work, the kissing would be a nice, steady place to build a foundation off of.
I scooted back so Gerard could sit on the edge and waited for him to do something, he was a better kisser than I'd be and I was concerned I might accidentally bite him so I wanted to stay as still as possible.
"By the way, I only know what I'm doing from what I've heard...and uh, watched so if anything I do seems weird it's not my fault." His face went bright red again and he stopped looking at me, embarrassed by a simple admission that I couldn't care less about.
Gerard chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before moving forward and kissing me, the heat radiating from the burn in his cheeks transmitting to my skin as I leant back, using my elbows to hold me up while he moved his hands around, not knowing what to do with them. He settled with resting his palm on my thigh as my lips parted enough for his tongue to enter, the butterflies in my stomach beating around even harder.
We moved back further in his bed as we kissed so the weight of my body was now supported by the large amounts of pillows, giving me a chance to put my arms around his neck and kiss him back properly. Despite his slight shaking Gerard inched his hand away from the outside of my thigh and closer to the inside, stopping at the leg band of my panties.
Other than the sound of rain pouring down on the roof the entire house remained silent as Gee slipped the fabric covering my crouch to the side, making my heart beat faster and my brain blur. I honestly hadn't expected it to feel like all that much but I was surprised by the feeling at accompanied one of his long artist fingers dipping into me, taking my mind off anything and everything.
Not meaning to I moaned, causing Gerard to jump from the unexpected sound.
"Are you okay, I didn't do anything wrong did I?" He asked, looking down at me, his brows knitted together out of concern which caused me to wonder if he'd even be able to enjoy a moment of this or if he'd be taken by worry the whole time.
"I'm fine, it feels good, really good. If anything hurts I'll say 'stop'." I tried to make that as clear as possible so any sounds I might make wouldn't me mistaken for pain or discomfort because otherwise he'd be asking me if I was okay for the whole night.
Gerard started to respond but I pulled his lips back to mine, silencing him before he could talk either of us out of this. I knew he possessed the ability to but I was enjoying what we were doing and I think if I try hard enough I can stop him from worrying about what he's doing.
He pushed his finger back into me and I moaned again but thankfully he didn't stop this time and kept moving it in and out, becoming more bolder when he realized I was fine with it. A second finger slipped in and I kissed him harder, the hormones from earlier beginning to cloud my head and taking away the judgment I didn't even have in the first place.
A strange pressure began to build up inside of me and I started squirming around in the borrowed sweater, feeling like my clothes were too tight and I was on the verge of overheating.
"Can I take the sweater off?" He mumbled and I eagerly nodded, feeling the pressure decrease when he took his fingers out and tugged the layer over my head, throwing it off the bed without caring where it went, "and um, your panties, maybe?" I made no move to stop him as he carefully pulled the waistband down, only lifting myself up enough to help him get them off.
He looked at me and I blushed, realizing this was the closest he'd ever seen me to wearing nothing. As kids and a teenagers we'd gone swimming at the local pool which meant I'd wear a bikini but we were in a much more intimate setting than that and I was glad I'd taken the advice of my Mother's woman magazines and shaved down there.
"Would it b-be okay if I tried something? I'm just curious what it'd be like." I didn't know what the 'something' was but it was Gerard who said it and I couldn't imagine him doing anything bad so I mumbled a yes.
He leant forward and I closed my eyes, expecting him to kiss me but opened my lids again when I felt his soft lips press against my neck briefly before moving down to my collarbone, it felt almost as nice as regular kisses and I allowed my head to sink into the pillow. The kisses made a trail to my naval and I frowned, wondering what he was doing since this wasn't like anything I'd heard about before.
"Could you move your legs apart a little?" Deciding he must have a reason for this I parted my legs in time for him to start kissing me, a funny fluttering unlike the butterflies going on in my stomach the lower his lips went.
Not expecting what I got I squealed when I felt his warm breath against my centre, I didn't know guys liked to go town to that area and I knew what girls would do to guys with their mouths but I didn't know guys could do the same.
His tongue ran a stripe over the sensitive flesh and without willing it my legs went together on their own accord, locking his head between my thighs which I would have apologized for if he would have noticed or if I could have found the will to move further.
My body was the only thing working at the moment, my brain and my mouth had shut down and I lifted my hips towards him without meaning to, causing Gerard to pin me down with a hand on my waist, he's stronger than I thought.
His nose bumped against my clitoris and I flung and arm over my face to suppress the moan I let out, thinking that the neighbors would be able to hear me despite the storm raging outside at full blast.
My body started shaking, taking any remaining control I might of had as the sounds around me faded in and out and I struggled to simply regain the ability to breath while swept up by a sea of good, that's the only way I could describe it. In the brief flashes of consciousness I had I reached out to Gerard and put my hand on his head, not knowing why other than it acting as a reminder that another person had managed to make me feel this good.
My legs fell limply on the bed, allowing Gerard to sit back and wipe his mouth with the back of his arm or that's at least what I think he did, I could have very well been imaging the whole thing while being semi delusional.
"You taste really sweet," he mumbled and I opened my eyes enough to see him shyly smile, I have no idea how he could look shy after that, I think that's about the closest you could possibly get to another person.
"Thanks," I said, not knowing how else was supposed to respond, "would you like to have sex now?" I offered, sitting up, still in a state of recovery from whatever the hell the wonderful thing was that he just did.
"Yeah, if you don't mind." I sat up and started trying to undo my bra while he reached for the packet on the nightstand and put it on the bed beside us.
My bra was added to the huge pile of clothes on the floor before I moved over to him and started tugged on his Morrissey shirt, I wasn't going to be the only one naked in this room and that was for sure. The shirt came off easily and the pyjama bottoms quickly followed, leaving Gerard to deal with the same issue I remember him having when I met him eleven years ago at the small local carnival.
"Are you sure you want to see me without clothes? I could put out the candle if you want or we could get under the blankets." I don't know why exactly but Gerard had always had a problem with his body, it was understandable when he was younger and had a bit of weight on but I didn't get how he'd managed to carry it through to his teen years where he other than his baby-face he didn't weigh that much.
"Gee, you're fine. You look perfect," I told him, smiling, I didn't have a problem seeing him without his shirt or pants, if anything it gave me an opportunity to realize just how pale and smooth his skin was, to the point of appearing even more angelic.
"O-okay then." He picked up the condom packet and started trying to open it and when he couldn't I took it from him, feeling my heart pick up pace when I realized how close we were to actually doing this.
I turned it over in my hands and started tugging on the corner only to stop when a couple of plain black numbers caught my eye.
"Its expired," I told him throwing the packet onto the nightstand, we obviously couldn't use it now.
"Condoms can expire?" He asked, I thought he knew the same about that as me, after all we went to the same sex ed class but know that I think about it he spent most of his time drawing on the back of his notebook.
"Yes, and this one entered useless land a week ago."
"Oh." He slowly nodded and I thought for a moment, trying to think what we could do now that we 'shouldn't have sex' according to every grownup that enforces the rule of use condoms or bad things will happen.
"I don't want to use a condom if you don't," I mumbled, looking at the floor and flat out refusing to make eye contact with him while I talked.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He sounded skeptical about what I had to say but didn't it work that all guys would rather not use condoms, that's what I've heard everyone saying, be it real life or in movies.
"I could always go out tomorrow and get a morning after pill," I shrugged, not thinking of it as a big deal, it's just a pill, it'd be like buying my allergy pills.
"If you want then," Gerard said before moving over to me, at least we wouldn't have to suffer through the awkwardness that came with trying to put a condom on, it was bad enough using a banana in class when everyone else was out of their comfort zones.
I sat up with my back against the pillows and kissed him, my eyes fluttering shut and my pulse rapidly climbing as his hand ran up my side. I was still nervous with what we were doing but wanted to go through with it, Gerard was my best friend and I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else like this.
His tongue brushed against mine as he kissed me harder, his typical shyness waning as we got caught up by each other as we inched down in the bed his hands going on either side of my head to hold himself up. My skin was starting to feel sweaty from the heat in the room and I moaned as a hand ran down my thigh, pulling my leg up so it was at his waist.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, checking for the final time in case I had any last minute mind changes. I could feel a definite bulge in his briefs and took it as a fair warning for what was to come.
"Positive," I replied as he slipped his underwear off and dropped them next to the bed.
"And, uh are you ready?" I understood what he was asking and trying to avoid asking at the same time so I nodded, taking a deep breath.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I said, looking into his bright hazel eyes and giving him a nervous smile, feeling a little timid but not planning on going back on what I'd already agreed to.
Gerard glanced down for a moment, being careful as he slowly guided himself into me. I closed my eyes, ever so slightly worried it might hurt or be uncomfortable but instead of the pain I expected, it didn't actually feel that bad.
"It doesn't hurt does it?" I shook my head and Gerard let out a sigh of relief, "good, I don't want to hurt you." Well I'd certainly hope so.
"Y-you can move if you like," I told him, opening my eyes to see if he was enjoying himself, it'd be pointless if it was only me who had all the fun, Gee was a part of this two and it was an experience I wanted to share with him.
Gerard pushed forward and I flinched slightly, okay maybe it was a little bit uncomfortable.
"No, don't get that look, um..." He was on the verge of freaking out and to bring my mind away from any discomfort he kissed me, slowly and carefully as if he were putting great thought in what else he could do to make it easier.
"Gee, keep moving, it's alright," I mumbled around his lips and he actually listened to me, moving further in and causing my grip on his arms to tighten, it was at an almost hurt but it was bearable, still not enough to make me change my mind.
I cringed as the final few inches went in and Gerard kissed me harder continuing to keep his mind focused on me and not his own sexual gratification like I've heard most guys like to do. Realizing he was all the way in he started to slowly pull back and instead of it being the further discomfort I expected it was very, very different.
"Oh," I breathed, my blunt nails digging into his skin.
"'Oh'? Is that a good oh or a bad oh?" His voice had gone up in pitch and I almost smiled, finding it funny, he really had no idea what he was doing, it was adorable.
"Good, if it was bad you'd be the first to know." At that he kept moving, pulling all the way out then pushing back in, causing me to say another loud 'oh' at the warm feeling I was starting to get in my arms and legs.
The snails pace we were moving at gradually increased and my breathing sped up, there was no doubt I was starting to get sweaty. I could feel the perspiration building on Gerard's skin and could taste it on his lips when he bowed his head to kiss me.
Of course the whole time I was wondering how on earth something could feel this good without it being illegal, I almost decided on that spot that if I could do this every day I most definitely would and it would only be better if it was with Gerard, I trusted him and no matter how much he could deny it, he knew what he was doing.
"Oh my God," I moaned obscenely when he hit a sensitive spot inside of me that I didn't even know I had, causing the tingles I had running through my body to triple, almost building up to an unmanageable level.
I looked up at Gerard, his eyes were closed and his mouth was half open, spit at sweat turning his bottom lip shiny and I swear seeing him like that almost killed me, with a simple expression he'd gone from adorable to the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
I moaned again when another wave of pleasure hit me, my back arching off the bed and my chest pushing against his as I struggled to gain some normal thought before I disappeared into a void I wouldn't and couldn't come back from.
Groaning quietly Gerard pressed his face into my neck, his arms shaking and he pushed into me harder and faster, shivers running rampant on my skin as my mouth spilled what sounded like pure nonsense which wasn't any improvement from ten minutes ago when I was making the same sounds.
I whimpered as I felt Gee roughly kiss my neck, a welcome change from his typical apologetic demeanor not that I didn't love how he blushed and would trip over his own words at the silliest of times.
"Red, I don't think I can keep this up much longer," he moaned as I tilted my head back, not being very useful in what is supposed to be considered teamwork.
"I-I can't either," I stuttered, preoccupied by the heatwave taking over my entire body and almost completely incapacitating me on the spot.
His movements became quicker but less well timed as the pressure inside be built to an absolute pinnacle, leaving no space in my mind for anything but what was happening at this exact moment.
It was during the last sharp thrust that I was overtaken by an avalanche of pleasure, sweeping me away to God knows where while I struggled to hold on to any mildly sane thoughts I might have left in my well frazzled brain.
"Oh, Gee," I groaned, releasing what I'd been holding back at the same time as him while he let out a loud, throaty moan that beat any sound I could possibly make.
Gerard's arms gave out and he slumped to the side, landing on the bed beside me while I was still recovering, not knowing if I'd ever be able to use my mouth or proper thoughts ever again, heck I'd be lucky if I could move now.
We lay next to each other, panting and calming down after an unexpected turn of events that had successfully changed our friendship, hopefully for the better and hopefully permanently, I don't think I'd ever be able to return to thinking of Gerard in the same manner after this.
"You said you didn't know what you're doing," I said, accusing him halfheartedly while staring at the beamed ceiling.
"I didn't, I said I only know what to do from what I've seen and heard." Well he must have seen and heard a lot because I know that despite the fact I was a virgin not that long ago, he did a good job and there was no denying it.
Realizing how cold it was in the basement without my hormones to keep me warm I crawled under the thick blankets and stretched out, still feeling floaty from the experience of losing my virginity to someone I valued as much as Gerard. Noticing the temperature as well he got under the rugs and moved closer to me so I could lay my head against his chest, a peaceful way to end the incredibly long night.
I put my arm around Gerard and curled up next to him with his arm draped over my waist, "thank you, Gee," I mumbled, already preparing to go to sleep, I felt as warn out as I could ever be.
"I should thank you," he replied, "I've been wanting you to notice me for the past seven years." I giggled, it was true that Gerard used to do cutesie stuff but at the time I'd never thought anything of it.
"Red?"
"Mmm?" My eyes were closed and I could feel my body shutting down.
"Would you be my girlfriend?" He whispered and I nuzzled my head into his chest, yawning before answering.
"Of course I want to Geebear, I love you."
The last thing I heard before going to sleep was his voice quietly answering with 'I love you more'.
Notes
Hey guys, I thought I should make up for it so here's a oneshot.
I've always thought the idea of basement!Gerard is the cutest thing ever so I decided to write a story about it, enjoy!
@Another_Reckless_Killjoy
@Monster riot
Thank you so much :D I've aways been really unsure of myself when writing smut but I still like to try.
2/23/14