The Only Hope For Me Is You

"Take me upstairs."

Her blatant display of sexual needs shocks me. I look into her fiery eyes as I try to speak, but my voice gets strangled in my throat and it comes out as a hoarse grunt.
She smirks, her red stained lips curling upwards to reveal her top row of perfectly squared teeth that were yellowed from- based on the smell of her breath -coffee and cigarettes. I was familiar with these smells and stains from Gerard.

God I miss Gerard.

No you don't! Dude, he doesn't care about you anymore! Just focus on this hot chick who clearly wants to bang you!

My consciousness begins to argue with itself.

Gerard's my best friend, of course he cares about me!

If he cares about you so much, why didn't he bother calling you?

I think back to all the missed calls I got in the past couple of hours,

Bob, Mikey, Ray..

Yeah, and no Gerard.

No Gerard..

My heart sinks at the realization as Lindsey beings to place soft kisses on my neck making her way down from the my earlobe, bringing me out of my hopeless self-loathing trance. When she pecks the dip where my neck disappears into my shoulder I let out an involuntary moan, feeling my pants grow tighter around my groin. I let out a whimper of disappointment when she removes her lips.

"Found it." She says smugly, referring to the tender spot on my neck.

She resumes her kissing as I tilt my head back to give her full access as I close my eyes, loosing myself in my thoughts again.

Why didn't he call?

Because Frank, HE DOESNT CARE!

SHUT UP! He does care!

He obviously doesn't care about you the way you are about him. Come on Frank, look at yourself. You're about to have sex with this incredibly hot woman and here you are, thinking about a man.

Shut up..

I pretty sure if it were the other was around he would be doing this chick right now without a care in the world, and definitely not thinking of you.

Shut UP..

Face it Frank, there's only one reason why you're thinking about man when you're about to have sex with a hot chick.

SHUT UP!

You're gay Frank! There's no silencing me anymore. You know it's true.

My eyes snap open when I notice Lindsey is no longer touching me

"FRANK!" I lower my head as Lindsey shoves me,

"Wha- what's the matter?" I ask completely baffled,

"I should be asking you that! You're not even paying attention to me!" I shift my body until I'm in a position comfortable enough to look her in the eyes.

" I- I just.." I take a deep breath as I run my hand over my face, "this- this isn't right." I regain eye contact with her and I immediately feel horrible. Her eyebrows arch upward and her red lips part slightly as her distraught eyes look back at me through a curtain of blonde hair that fell in front of her eyes. I stretch my arm around her shoulder and allow her face to rest on my chest,

"No no, Lindsey. You're a great girl I swear! This isn't your fault, it's-" my sentence comes to an abrupt stop as her head shoots up and she moves as far away from me as possible in the confined space.

"OH let me guess. it's not you it's me." I shake my head furiously and try to reach for her hand.

"NO! Yes? Look I'm not trying to run a cheesy line on you I swear!" she snatches her hand way from my grasp disgustedly.

"Get out." she spits through her clenched teeth.

"Lindsey wait, please just-"

"Get. Out." at that point I notice my pleas are useless. I look in her eyes one last time as I unbuckle my seat belt and open the car door, stepping back out into the rain.

"I'm sorry." I say as I close the door of her black car standing in the pouring rain.

"Yeah me too." She says sarcastically as she starts to pull away. "and loose my number asshole!" she shouts as she speeds off, leaving me soaked as I watch her turn the corner and disappear out of my life.

Sighing, I turn to house and begin walking the pathway to my house, as I approach the porch I notice a dark object laid out in front of my door.

Probably a dog. I think to myself.

Approaching it cautiously, I end up kicking something as I walk up the steps and hearing a sound directly after my foot came into contact with it.

Glass?

I see a shimmer of red and a strong scent of Vodka as I bend over to get a closer look at the object.

That's not a dog, that's..

"GERARD!" I drop to my knees and shake him vigorously, he's just a bunch of dead weight.

"Oh my god, oh my god." I continue shaking him, but he's not moving. "GERARD! OH GOD, GERARD WAKE UP!"

Tears start to fill my eyes as I pat my pockets for my phone, only to remember that it's dead. Desperate, I search Gerard's pockets to come to the conclusion he doesn't have his phone on him either.

At this point I'm loosing my shit, with my hands shaking violently I stand up and try to put my keys into my door. I open it and sprint to my house phone and dial 911, a women's voice greets me.

"911, where is your emergency?" I sprint back out to Gerard and fall to my knees beside him again.

"Uhh 103 Lakeside Boulevard, Trenton New Jersey."

"What is your emergency?"

"My- My friend. He's passed on my porch and he's not moving. He's-He's been drinking. Please help me oh my god."

"Okay, services are on the way. I need you to relax and tell if you feel a pulse."

"O-Okay." I press a shaky finger on his neck and wait, I let out a sigh of relief when I feel a faint pulse. "Yeah, I feel a pulse. It's like super weak though."

"Great, good job. I'm going to need you to stay on the line with me until the police show up okay?" as soon a she says that, I see lights shining in the distance.

"They're- They're hear."

"Okay, goodbye." I hang up and toss the phone to the side and I grab Gerard's limp body and held it against me, hugging him.

I rock him as I whisper in his ear, my voice cracking as the back of the ambulance is opened and a stretcher is rushed toward us.

"It's going to be okay. You hear me? It's going to be okay. Just hang in there Gee, just a little longer don't you give up okay?." My tears begin to flow freely as he is ripped from my grasp and placed on a stretcher.

"I'm so sorry Gee, so sorry."

Notes

YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSS! I KNOW I KNOW IM A TERRIBLE PERSON! IM SORRY I HAD THE WORST WRITERS BLOCK EVER, THEN MY COMPUTER WAS TAKEN AWAY SO THAT DIDN'T HELP! BUT IM SOSOSOSOOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY! I HOPE THIS CHAPTER MAKES UP FOR IT! BUT REAL FREARD IS COMING UP IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTERS!