Desolation Row

"rox....." You could practically hear the sadness and confusion in his voice. My heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest, my vision was blurry and my ears were blocked.

"no, Frank stop its not her"

"but-"

"NO FRANK JUST STOP IT OKAY. SHE'S DEAD, SHE DOESN'T LOVE ANY OF US, THAT'S WHY SHE LEFT. AND EVEN IF SHE ISN'T DEAD, SHE'S FAR FROM HERE. CAN YOU JUST GET OVER HER ALREADY."

I've never seen Gerard being so hostile, I didn't even think his voice could go that loud. The whole neighborhood must have heard this by now.

"NO GERARD I CANT FUCKING GET OVER HER. YOU FUCKING HELPED HER WHEN I FUCKED UP, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP HER. SHE FUCKING LOVED YOU OKAY. CAN YOU JUST AT LEAST PRETEND THAT YOU STILL FUCKING CARE?"

What was happening, my head was pounding. How could I let this happen. All I wanted for my birthday was to go out and listen to a band with my close friends and go home. I didn't want to fucking meet these two.

"NO I CAN'T FUCKING PRETEND ANYMORE, SHE'S GONE, SHE LEFT US FRANK. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UNDERSTAND THAT"

Pretend? was it all just fake? Did Frank just force him to comfort me then? Or was it all just because he felt sorry for me.They stood there shouting and shoving each other. I couldn't move, Bonnie tried and tried to get me out of there. it was as if I was frozen. All the anger and tears building up inside of me as I stood still, watching these two shout at each other about the girl who fucked up their life.

"YOU KNOW WHAT FRANK, EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU JUST DIDN'T FUCKING TALK TO HER THAT DAY AT CAMP"

"OH SO ITS MY FAULT NOW?..."

I couldn't bare to hear anything more. Was that really what he wanted. After all he's said to me. He fucking helped me when I was a wreck. My eyes were starting to water, I just can't do it anymore, not now, not later, not ever.

"what?" I whispered to myself only letting Bonnie hear me.

"come on Hel we should go out now, everything will be okay." I know she was just trying to comfort me but something inside me just finally said "fuck it"

"no, BONNIE IT'S NOT OKAY, IT NEVER WAS"
The two stopped fighting and turned to look at me in silence.

"uh dude it's not your fault." Gerard's voice was calmer now, he took his hands off Frank.

"YOU, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, HOW COULD YOU FUCKING SAY THAT. DID YOU ONLY COMFORT ME THEN OUT OF PITY? AT LEAST FRANK STILL HAD THE MORALITY TO CARE. UNLIKE YOU, WISHING YOU NEVER MET ME WHEN I WAS STARTING TO THINK YOU LOVED ME."

I was boiling with anger. I let the tears stream down my face.

"Helena come on we should go out"

"NO BONNIE STOP. WE ALL KNOW THAT'S NOT MY REAL NAME. STOP CALLING ME THAT."

"roxy?.....is that you"

"TAKE THE FUCKING HINT IDIOT"

If I stand here any longer I will explode. I ran out the room and screamed. I stormed down the stairs and pulled open the front door, ignoring the people calling my name behind me. I slammed the door shut so hard the floor vibrated. As I ran down the road, Bonnie was yelling for me to come back by our lawn.

The thing with me and roads, is that I never look to see if a car driving at full speed was coming to hit me.

Just like it was now.

The last thing I heard was the ear piercing scream coming from behind.
Then silence. I was finally at peace.

Notes