Boy Division

"You never loved me! Just say it! Leave and don't think about coming back! I don't need you! You're worthless to me! You go and see what it's like to be alone! I've been through hell and fucking back, way more fucking times than- "
*Slap*
I woke up with fresh tears in my eyes. I bolted out of my room to see my mom. She was thankfully sacked out on the couch. I remember everything. Her face when she was impacted by my fathers hand.

"You don't fucking talk like that..." his words slurred by the intoxication even though he was in the wrong. We all knew. I knew what I saw and so did he.

I shook my head trying to erase it or push it to the back of my mind. I felt beads of sweat roll down my cheek. And decided to run a bath..

After relaxing a bit, I got cozy in my bed. I turned to my clock. 5:30 pm. I messaged Gee and waited for him to reply. After about twenty minutes, he replied back. I needed him. I craved his body, not for sex or anything, but I just needed his comforting warmth, next to me.

Eventually, I felt like he knew something was up and said he was coming back. I felt like I was being a burden on him but was happy he was going to be with me.

I heard a soft knock on the door. My stomach started twisting with excitement. When I opened the door, he had changed into light blue skinny jeans, a dark tank top and a navy blue, quarter sleeve jacket. He had fingerless gloves and his worn down converses on. I pulled him inside.

He pulled me into him and pushed my head on his chest. He laid his head on my head and started guiding his finger in my hair. I held him tighter and we stayed there for a long time.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. He pulled away and was holding my shoulders.
"Why the hell are you sorry?" His eyes looked confused but confused. It made me choke on my words.
"I just feel like I'm a burden, to everyone..." I said nervously, not knowing what he was going to do. He just looked at me blankly, staring straight into my mind.
"A burden...?" He pulled me back in. His heart was beating rapidly and he stated to tense up. He lifted my chin. God I loved that. The way he held it...

He looked me in the eyes an said, "I won't let anyone or anything hurt you. You are mine and I am yours." I felt my eyes burn. "Mona, I would do anything for you. You are never going to be a burden to me." He pulled my lips into his and I felt his tongue touch the corner of my mouth. I tasted his nicotine tongue. I felt his breath become heavy and so did mine. I pulled him into my room, like I did last night.

I closed the door and pushed him against it. Our hands hovered around our bodies. His warm body against mine made my breathing heavy and abnormal. I went in for his jawline and I could feel him melt. He sighed and held my head in his neck. I felt his hands land on my waist and I suddenly became nervous. He felt it somehow and quickly placed his hands on the back of my neck. He picked me up and laid me on my bed. I became nervous again. My eyes fluttered when he started kissing my neck. My chest became hard and my breathing was uneasy. He looked up at me and smiled. I played his hair and he slowly, gently started to kiss my jawline. He laid down next to me.

"Your perfect. " he whispered. " I wouldn't change anything about you, and I hope you never do." He continued. He laid his head in my shoulder. He outlined my rounded face and traced down my neck. I was covered in goosebumps with every breath he took.

"Gerard..?" I asked him
"Yeah?"
I turned my body to face his. His eyes fluttered and he looked like he was still trying to catch his breath. My eyes fluttered back and I scooted myself closer. "Don't ever leave me."
He smiled and giggled. "Never in a million years." He kissed me and I thought I heard an "I love you" fall from his tiny lips but I was too tired to recognize if I was correct. His smile was the last thing I saw before I dozed off into my own world.

Notes

Some of this was raw emotion that I've need feeling lately. It's fine though..
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Stay Ugly.