We Express Ourseleves Through Sin

The bell on the door of the shop rang and just as I turned the page of my book.
"Welcome to Brass Monkey trading post." I muttered over the spine of the novel as I flipped the page, throwing my feet on the desk.
"Do you happen to have any records in here?" a voice called over the shelves.
"Yeah, back of the store.. Left corner."
The whole damn shop was a maze of dust, dank smells, and high shelves set up in random corners. Two more people came in and left and i greeted them blankly. I had two more chapters left of this book and, unless someone was bleeding, I had no interest in helping them. Sooner or later a loud crash sounded from the back. God fucking damn it. One more chapter. Wait one more chapter to start shit, that's all I ask. I threw the book on the glass counter and navigated through winding shelves as more noise erupted. I finally breached the last shelf and rounded it double time.
"What the fuck is going on back he-" I was cut off mid sentence by the sight of an elderly man lying on the floor, hand clutched onto his left arm with a pained expression on his face. I quickly snapped into action, yanking my phone out of it's holder on my hip and dialing 911.
"Nine one one, what's your emergency?"
"I'm at Brass Monkey at 223 main street and I need an ambulance. I just walked into the back of the store to find an elderly gentleman on the floor. I think he had a heart attack." I said, holding my hair up off my shoulders and face as I panicked.
"Okay, we're sending paramedics. What is your name?"
"Ellie. Ellie Carnell." I said, getting on my knees amongst the broken vinyl and hoping my knees wouldn't get sliced in the process.
"I'm going to need you to do something." the dispatcher instructed. I nodded, but she got the point. "Have you ever done CPR before?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
"Well, im going to need you stay very calm, and tilt the man's head backwards and put your ear to his mouth, facing his chest. Check to see if he is breathing. Listen and watch his torso."
I set the phone down on speaker and followed he directions. My heart sprinted in pace as I realized his breath had ceased.
"He's not breathing." I said, sitting up and waiting for further instructions. '
"Okay, listen closely. You are going to need you to get the mans shirt up as far as you can and cross your hands at the palm in the middle of his chest, right between the pectorals. and push down with enough force to compress his chest two inches. Continue the compressions and count with me to thirty. Keep at my pace. " she instructed. I did as she said, pulling the button down shirt apart and placing my hands.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
"1..2..3..4..5..6.." I followed her voice, closing my eyes. "17..18..19.. Okay keep counting. When you get to thirty, you are going to have to do something you might not be comfortable with, but you need to do it. Pinch the man's nostrils together with one hand and cover his mouth with yours and forcefully push a lungful of breath into his mouth. Do this procedure twice, okay."
"28..29..30. Okay."
I closed my eyes tightly and pulled the mans jaws apart easily and continued instructions.
"Done."
"Now let's start chest compressions again."
The red mark where my hands had been left a good marker for where to put them again as I tried to keep calm. Stress was consuming me as I realized I was literally being this man's respiratory system. I pressed over and over again, counting along with the woman on the phone when a crack rang out.
"Oh god!" I sobbed, turning my head to the side. What the fuck did I just do?
"Keep going hun, it's okay, you're doing good. Ribs generally do break if you are doing compressions correctly."
That was his ribs?
"I broke him?!" I screamed in panic, continuing as I started hyperventilating. The door bell rang as I jumped and four men barged through the maze, eventually finding us. One gently pushed me gently to the side and took over while two others lowered a gurney next to him and another gently knelt by me, putting his hands on my shoulders.
"You did great, kid." he said, looking straight into my eyes. I nodded blankly and stared shaking at the ground.
I snapped out of it in time to stand and see the gurney exit the shop. I tried to sweep the record pieces off the ground but ended up putting the broom up and closing shop for the night. McGill would have to fix it up in the morning, I needed to go home.

~

I slammed the door the my apartment after ripping the hand-written 'pay your rent or eviction' notice from the door. The room was empty and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't be in the hollow darkness on my own. I didn't have any friends, no family, the problems of moving to a new state. There's nobody. I sat down on the couch and rested, not knowing what to do. My eyes opened slowly and bright yellow words popped out at me. 'The church is always open.'. If that's all I have...

I let the doors gently fall shut behind me and marveled in the beauty of the rainbow reflections from the stained glass as it hit the floor. The place seemed empty. The church is open.. but is anybody here? I paced back and fourth through the pews, staring at the eyes of the many statues around me, letting the different details captivate my thoughts.
"I thought I heard someone down here." I heard a familiar voice behind me. I jumped and turned in time to see Father Way standing in the doorway beside the altar.
"H-hello." I stammered, walking to meet him.
"What are you doing here, child?" he asked, turning and gesturing for me to follow.
"I- I just felt kind of alone at home and needed somewhere to go." I shrugged, following the winding staircase to a room a few levels up.
"The Lord's house is always open." the man smiled, walking through the open door and taking a seat behind a desk as I sat at the opposing side. "You look troubled.. Is there anything you would like to share?" He asked, taking a tall wine glass and filling it about halfway with the red liquid. Then offering it to me. I shook my head.
"Nothing weaker than a brandy." I smiled, sitting back as he gave me a tisk tisk. "I guess there are some things on my mind. A gentleman came into the shop I work at today and collapsed," the priest leaned forward to show his interest. "and I had to do CPR on him." I continued, reflecting on the past day. "I guess it just scared me. Having someone else's life on my hands, you know? I don't have any family or anyone to tell and I needed to go somewhere were other people were. "
He nodded and took a modest sip from the glass.
"The Lord's had was definitely on your shoulder." he began. That's not what I wanted to hear. I don't want to hear a word about deities. I guess I went to the wrong place for that. I nodded and looked at my lap as he continued talking about the worship and such. A voice was all I really needed to hear, no specific words. I stared at the mahogany desk, tracing it's knots and bends before being called back to reality.
"My child?" I raised an eyebrow and looked up at Father Way.
"Yes?"
"I said, You aren't religious, are you?" he repeated, nodding with his words and staring at my face, looking for competence as if I might be unstable.
"Um, no not really. How did you know?" I asked, shaking my head to wake myself up.
"You didn't seem to care much for service yesterday, you weren't all there, and you weren't just then either. Do you want me to just talk, and not about the Lord's work? I am more than just a priest." he smiled again.
"I think I'd quite like that. "

(A: Okay, on a non-fic note, I'd like to put a PSA out there. The steps the CPR in this chapter are correct, I know this because I have been trained every two years since i was 6 and have it down by heart, PLUS the assistance of my dispatcher mother in writing this. (one thing i didn't include is that chest compressions should be to the beat of 'Staying Alive' by the BeeGees.. Yes, that is fact.) She wanted me to include this as well: If you are ever in a situation where you need to call 911, remember to ALWAYS state your location first so they dispatchers can get an emergency vehicle on the way as you speak. Remember: Location, Emergency, Name. It increases your chance in the officials getting there in good time and makes their job a shit ton easier... Now that i sound like PBS... I love you all, thank you for reading.. good night.)

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