We Express Ourseleves Through Sin

A finger traced my spine up and down, slow and light just hard enough to make all my senses tingle. I giggled and stretched, letting the loose fabric of my shirt twist around as I rolled over, the sheets smelled familiar and musky. I grinned and sat up in a cat-stretch, glancing over. Gerard smiled back and lit his second cigarette, laying back against the headboard as his exposed chest heaved. He said something inaudible and I leaned closer.
"hmm?" I asked.
"I said, are you coming to service. It's Sunday."
what?

I grunted and sat up, rediscovering the real world. Gerard stood in the doorway of my room, eyebrow raised.
"Good dream?"
"It was 'till you fucked it up." I grunted, running my fingers through my hair.
"How could I possibly mess your dream up?" he questioned, turning to go to breakfast.
"Being a fucking abstinent freak." I grumbled, getting up to follow him.
"I heard that." he challenged, trotting down the stairs. "and there isn't a thing wrong or abnormal with abstinence."
I rolled my eyes and picked up a cereal box, turning to go back to my room.
"Service?"
"I'm tired."
"You sure."
"More than."
I could almost feel him roll his eyes and sigh. I shut the door behind me and flopped onto the comforter.

~

I grabbed my bag and looped my keys over my finger, calling a 'bye!' to Gerard as I went out the door. I didn't feel the need to give an answer to his 'where you going?', he's still not my mother. Luckily, the DeVille started and purred easily down the road. I needed a night out.

The room seemed to have a heartbeat as the surrounding speakers pumped bass into it's occupants' chests. It felt unnatural, but needed. Shaded faces flew past me as I navigated through the crowd to the bar. The girl behind the counter moseyed over to lean on the opposite side.
"Anything I can get you tonight?" she asked, holding up her finger to the sleazy drunk ordering another 'whatever that was'.
"Corpse Reviver." I muttered, looking over her shoulder at the rainbow of glass bottles on the shelves behind her. She nodded briskly and went to work, surveying the crowd behind me and sitting the glass down.
"You know, I don't even come here outside of work." she grunted, "Some of the men I see pass through. Too shady." she shook her head and paced back to the shelf grabbing a water for herself. "But I commend your bravery."
I nodded and sat back, glimpsing over my shoulder at the crowd. "I don;t really know much of the town. I'm a few months new. This is really just the first place I saw."
"All I'm saying is be careful." she replied, turning to take care of the man, now passed out on the counter. I nodded and took a coaster out of it's holder and put it on top of my glass, turning to make my way around the floor. Faces blurred everywhere, none of them were catching my eye. I settled on stepping around and dancing by myself, letting the surrounding people do whatever they wanted, they're not my problem. I tried and tried to get comfortable like I did when I used to, but it wasn't working. Things seemed wrong and out of place, or just me... I turned back to the direction the pink lights of the bar were and elbowed my way through. My drink still sat where it was before and I picked it up in one swoop, downing the rest of the yellow mix, opening my eyes in the last second to see a little nub at the hollow of the glass. What the fuck is that? I held the glass in front of me and jabbed my finger in and lightly brushing the white fizz. It exploded into a little puff of powder and I realized- that was drugs. What have I done?

~

My shoes seemed to pound on the cement as I walked around and into my car. I was frantic. I needed to get home. As the drive went by I felt myself falling back into the seat of the car, getting lighter. My head swam and my heart thumped as I pulled up to the curb of the church. I sat back as the world began to light up and electricity flew through my being, pulsating and driving me to a sort of madness I'd never tasted before.

"Ellie?"
-silence-
"Ellie!" I yelled into the kitchen, sitting up to follow her.
She stood in the center of the kitchen, staring up at the fruity cereal that sat on the top shelf in awe and wanting.
"Do you want that?" I asked, timidly stepping into the door frame. I silently cursed my meekness and followed her around as she gazed in the cupboards. Her form shifted towards me and she wrapped her pale arms around me.
"Isn't this great?" she smiled, swinging back and fourth on her feet and beaming at me.
"May I ask what?"
"Well, everything." her eyes lit up as she walked around me, examining the stack of CD's laying by the player. They consisted of gospel and gospel only, which normally she'd detest. Instead, she popped the top one into the player and spun around the living room. Concern wiped over me as I gently walked towards her. She flopped on me again and laced her fingers in my hair gently. I stiffened uncomfortably as she pulled and pushed at the locks.
"Your hair feels sooooo nice." she nodded, clamping her hands again and again. "Gerard I love you." she gushed, spilling onto me.

Notes