Maybe They'll Leave You Alone But Not Me

We got home and brought her bags in. I went to my room to work on the paperwork I’d gotten from the restaurant. I hummed quietly to myself as I went through the bills and shipping costs. Thirty minutes in, I had most of the bills ready to be mailed. I was finishing a seal on one when I heard a shrill cry from Irina’s room down the hall. I jumped up, scattering all the envelopes. I raced to her; in her room, she was tangled amongst her blankets, crying and struggling. Another nightmare. I went to her and shook her gently. She tried to fight me again but eventually woke up. Her ice blue eyes found mine, seeking comfort. I pulled her against my chest as she sobbed again. She was breaking my heart, seeing her so upset and broken. She clenched my shirt between her skinny, pale fingers. I rocked gently and sang quietly. A few moments later, she let go and pushed her way out of my arms.

“I’m okay,” she said, “I had another nightmare.”

“Do these happen often?”

“No. They started after I left. I’m so scared. He’s going to find me.”

“I won’t let him take you Irina. Don’t you trust me?”

Her eyes, still watery, met mine once more. I could she her fear, distrust, and wariness. Quiet stretched between us. I was a little disappointed that she didn’t trust me, but I couldn’t blame her. She sighed and got up. I left her to do her own thing again. I went to the dryer and started folding the clothes that were in there.

I swapped the wet clothes to the dryer and went to collect Irina’s laundry. I knocked on her door, but silence greeted me. I knocked again and nothing happened. I ripped open the door and looked around. The bed was empty and she wasn’t on the floor. Her bathroom door was closed. I jumped towards it, knocking hard.

“Irina. Open the door.”

“Go away, Gerard.”

“Open the door Irina or I’m coming in.”

“No. Go away please.”

“One, Two, Three.” I pushed open the door and found Irina by the bathtub, blood streaming down her arm.

“Shit. Irina, where are the blades?”

“Go away, Gerard.” She whispered wearily. I walked over to her and took the blade. I ran some warm water over a wash rag and cleaned her up. There was dullness in her eyes and she looked devoid of life. I cleaned her arm and found many scars and wounds from the years of cutting she had done. I made the bleeding stop and wrapped them up. After putting away all the bloody towels and rags, I went and sat beside her.

“Irina,” I began, “I know you can hear me. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. I am here for you now; I won’t let anyone hurt you. I cannot keep watching you waste away. I afraid that one day, I’ll come find you and you won’t be breathing. I don’t think my heart can handle it. Because the truth is, in 48 hours, I’ve fallen for you. I know what it’s like to feel worthless. I know that you think your blades are what keep you on this Earth. But there is so much more to the world than the ugliness you’ve seen. Please tell me you’ll experience it with me.”

She didn’t move, but looked at me with that same dullness she had when I found her. I rolled up my sleeve and shoved my arm at her. Her gaze travelled up and down my arm before looking at me in astonishment.

“We are alike. I was where you were at one point. I was so close to taking that road out. But my grandmother saved me. She told me that it gets better, that there is more to life than alcohol and blades, and drugs. For me, it’s you. Let me save you Irina. Be mine. Please.”

Notes

Hi lovelies!
Sorry if this chapter seems kind of shitty. I had a shitty day.
Please subscribe, comment your feedback, and rate!
Hope you have an awesome day/night.
XOXOXOXO
Later Killjoys