Maybe They'll Leave You Alone But Not Me

“Irina, why did you run away, like the real reason?” I tensed up, not liking the direction this conversation had taken. I kept my back to him and only sounds of the stove filled the room. I decided to just laugh it off.

“I just needed out. It wasn’t the home for me.” ‘

“That’s it?”

My voice trembled as I said “Yes”. I closed the conversation and continued to finish dinner. It was silent as we worked side by side. Finally, everything was finished and we sat down with the pans and pots between us. Everything smelled delicious, making my mouth water in anticipation. I suddenly became conscious of this and wiped my lips, but there was no moisture. Gerard looked at me questioningly before filling his plate with food. Mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and chicken was all I had manage to eat before I felt full. Gerard was already on thirds and I was full on just my first serving. We didn’t talk and soon awkward silence filled the space between us. I got up and put my plate in the sink before beginning to wash the dishes. Gerard finished and brought his plate over.

“Here, let me help you. You rinse and I’ll dry.” I nodded in agreement and went about doing the dishes. Still, the air was tense and my heart was heavy. He was so nice and deserved the truth, but I couldn’t give it to him. I couldn’t let anyone know. When I finished the last dish, I wiped off my hands and started towards my room.

“Irina, wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or offend you.” His voice was full of hurt and apology.

“It’s…it’s okay. I need to sleep now. Goodnight.” I ran off before he could even say goodnight. I ran all the way to my new room and closed the door behind me. I dragged myself to my backpack and grabbed my razors. I sat in the corner and added more to my collection. One, two, three, four. The warm liquid slithered down my arm and all I could think was his words. “Unclean. Worthless.”I whispered. I sat there until I could no longer feel the cuts. I went to the bathroom and washed my newest collections. I slipped off my pants and went to my bed and fell asleep.

~“Unclean little slut. Worthless little girl. Do not fight me. Do not think you can escape. Oh, Irina.” He kept going, on and on. It hurt so much. He was sloppy and careless. Pain radiated everywhere and I couldn’t do anything. “Irina, oh, Irina. There is no sense in screaming. No one can hear you. No one will come.” But I kept screaming. “Irina.” “Irina.” “Irina, wake up!”~

I woke up screaming and fighting and crying. Gerard was holding me down and panting heavily. I kept fighting, trying to get away, the remnants of him still clinging to me.

“Irina, calm down. It was a dream, honey.” I slowly stopped struggling and just sobbed. Eventually, he let go and sat beside me. He dragged me into his embrace and just let me cry. He smelled so good and was so warm that I didn’t care. He petted my hair and kept murmuring “Shh, it’s okay. It’s over.” He just let me cry and didn’t let go. Soon, sobs turned to sniffles and I gently pushed him away. He looked at me with worried eyes and a frowning expression. I suddenly became aware that I was only in my underwear. I dragged the covers over my lower half and turned back to him.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s no big deal.” He didn’t pry or ask questions.

“He raped me.” I blurted. He needed to know and I somehow knew he was trustworthy.

“Who did, sweetheart?” He gently asked me.

“My.. My foster dad. The reason I ran away is because he was raping me and I needed to get out.” His expression went from gentle to furious in two seconds.

“We have to tell someone. The police or social workers!”

“No Gerard no! They won’t believe me! He is the best foster dad in the system. They’d just send me back or to the looney bin!” I grabbed his arm, holding him in place. He looked down at me again, his expression softening.

“Well, then you’ll just have to stay here until you’re eighteen. How old are you anyways?”

“Seventeen. I turn eighteen in two months.” Fear quaked in my voice and he noticed it.

“Okay, that’s not long. You’ll be okay here; I’ll protect you.”

“Okay. Thank you.” He moved off the bed and moved towards the door.

“Well goodnight Iri-“

“Stay with me, Gerard. At least until I fall asleep.” Surprise shadowed his face as he moved back to the bed. He sat in the chair and I laid back down.

“Will you sing for me?” I asked in a small voice.

“Of course.” Soon, the quiet room became one full of warmth and safety as he sang a simple child’s lullaby. I listened, but sleep came too soon. At least for now, I’m safe with him.

Notes

Hi, Killjoys! Who's enjoying the budding romance between these two? Don't forget: VOTE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE! XOXOXOXO~ Later Killjoys!