The Light Behind Your Eyes

It was now Monday and I was sitting in chemistry, there was something different about Izzy when she walked in. I couldn't quite pin point it but I know that somethings different. She looks radiant, almost as if she actually is glowing.
"Hi" she said smiling as she sat beside me
"Hey Izzy, thanks again for cooper!"
"Oh don't worry about it, just treat her well" She said, i'm not sure if that was some sort of dig at me or if i was just being paranoid.
"I will, I promise."
"So how was your appointment, is everything good?"
"Um well yeah but the midwife said- never mind you probably don't wanna know-"
"No I do, that's why I asked."
"She said that he's a little underweight but it's nothing too bad to worry about...just yet."
"He? It's a boy?"
"Yeah" I said grinning
"Frank, that's wonderful...I-...I'm really happy for you." she said politely, I know that she was pleased for me but she wasn't actually 'happy' for me at all and why would she be?
"Thanks."

For the rest of the lesson Izzy seemed really distant, I could tell that she was daydreaming in class, she even forgot to do her homework which isn't like her at all, it wasn't until I was in work when they were playing Aint no mountain high enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell in work that I remembered Izzy told me it was her mom's birthday this Thursday. The song reminded me of it because she told me how her and her mom would dance and sing around the house to this song constantly, especially when one of them would be down in the dumps, it would cheer them up. That must be why she seems off. I wish she felt like she could talk to me about it, I wish I could be there for her because I know she needs me.

Izzy's POV
I've been missing my mom a lot more than usual recently because it's her birthday today. All week i've been feeling really down, I know I can talk to my friends but they never knew her so there's not much they can say. It's been a lot harder since Joan hasn't been around, she bumped into an old friend a little while back and has been spending a lot of time with them recently. I am happy that she's getting her own life now but I guess i'm just being selfish. I took the day off school and my dad took the day off work so we could spend the day together, we need each other more than ever right now. First we went to the cemetery to lay pink orchids on her grave, They were her favorite. We didn't stay for too long because it made my dad uncomfortable, he hasn't been to her grave since her funeral unlike me, I went weekly. I would often go to sit with my thoughts, when I was there it was like I could feel her presence every time the wind blew. One time I was telling Frank about my mom, I showed him pictures and sprayed her perfume for him so he could get a taste of her. He came to her grave with me on Christmas day, that's I felt like I was introducing her to him and I know it sounds crazy but the wind blew as soon as I showed him her tomb stone, I like to think that was her saying hello.

After the cemetery we went home and watched old home movies and looked at old photographs and cried floods of tears. We watched titanic because it was her favorite movie then got ready to go out to her favorite restaurant for dinner. It was a quaint little french bistro, it was lovely to actually spend quality time with my father while being able to talk about mom, usually we avoid that topic because of how hard it is on him, I think he's coping really well. When we were finished I asked my dad to drop me to Gerard's, I really needed a pick me up and by pick me up I mean sex. I needed to let out my anger and frustration at the unfairness of my life by meaningless sex. Mikey let me in, he could tell I had been crying all day, I assume Gee told him what day it was so he just let me walk straight down to Gerard's room without following. I took off my shoes and tights as soon as Gee's door closed behind me, he immediately got up from his desk and came to me pulling off his shirt and pants while I took off my dress. I jumped into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist and we got straight down to business. When we were finished I got up to get dressed when Gee pulled me into a tight embrace.
"No naked spooning remember?" I said while escaping his embrace. We both got dressed then he hugged me again while I began crying.
"I'm just so unhappy Gee"
"Shh...shh, I know"
"Why me?" I asked
"I don't know Iz, you don't deserve any of this pain, if I could take it all away from you, I would"
I decided to leave soon after, I thanked him for the sex, it did help, briefly but told him that I just wanted to be alone, that was a lie. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted Frank. No I needed Frank. When I got home I noticed an envelope with my name on it on the doorstep. I looked inside to see that it was a CD with a note saying 'play me when you need me xofrnk'. I put it straight into my CD player and my room filled with the sound of Frank playing his acoustic guitar, then he began singing the most beautiful lyrics. It made me cry.
So long to all of my friends
Everyone of them met tragic ends
With every passing day
I’d be lying if I didn’t say
That I miss them all tonight
And if they only knew what I would say

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
One day I’ll lose this fight
As we fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright

Be strong and hold my hand
Time becomes for us, you’ll understand
We’ll say goodbye today
And we’re sorry how it ends this way
If you promise not to cry
Then I’ll tell you just what I would say

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
I’ll fail and lose this fight
Never fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright

The light behind your eyes
The light behind your

Sometimes we must grow stronger and
You can’t be stronger in the dark
When I’m here, no longer
You must be stronger and

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
I failed and lost this fight
Never fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright

The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes

I put my CD player on repeat and must have listened to it at least 30 times before eventually crying myself to sleep. Somehow he managed to be here for me when I needed him the most. It was so beautiful and an unbelievable gesture.
I didn't feel like going to school the next day, I was still missing my mom like crazy and after Frank's song I just couldn't face him yet. I didn't see any of my friends that weekend, not even Gerard. They understood, so instead I spent the whole weekend listening to the song over and over again, at first it made me upset, not only was I grieving the loss of my mother, I was also grieving the loss of my greatest love. But the more I listened to it, the angrier I got . How dare he break my heart and as soon as I start to get over him swoop in and be my knight in shining armor all over again! Why is he rubbing it in my face that I need him while reminding me I can never have him. It's cruel!

Monday morning finally came around. I walked into the dreaded chemistry to find Frank as usual sitting waiting. He had a concerned look on his face, yeah right, like he gives a fuck about me.
"Hi Izzy, how are you? Did you-"
"Get your CD? Yeah I got it." I interrupted dryly
"What's wrong?"
"As if you care" I said childishly
"What do you mean? Of course I care why else would I-"
"Stop it Frank. I've had enough. Who do you think you are? You're such a dick swooping in when i'm vulnerable. How dare you? We're not together anymore, you can't be my knight in shining fucking armor anymore! Stay out of my fucking life!" I shouted before grabbing my stuff and leaving the class room. I could hear the teacher call after me but I didn't give a shit. I had to leave. I drove straight to Gerard's, let myself in and marched right into his room.
"Strip" And he obeyed.

Notes

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