The Light Behind Your Eyes

Gee's an amazing friend, he stayed with me in my house for 2 days straight, he would just hold me and sing to me while I cried like a baby. I feel horrible cause i'm in so much pain and the tears are never ending but Gerard's been so patient and really there for me. I owe him big time! He told the rest of the guys about Frank and I because I just couldn't bring myself to do it, telling people would make it real and I still feel like this whole situation is a nightmare. I stayed off school until the following Monday, I still wasn't ready to go back and face Frank but I knew I had to face the music eventually. Bright and early on the cold crisp Sunday morning before I was going back to school Gee showed up to my house which was strange considering the earliest he ever gets out of bed is midday.
"You're awake before noon? Are you feeling okay?" I asked jokingly putting my hand on his forehead to check if he had a fever.
"Very funny, now go on get dressed"
"Why?"
"Because i'm taking you out for the day."
"Where are you taking me" I asked in a monotonous tone
"Here, there and everywhere now go get dressed, and no sweat pants!" He said spanking my ass while I dragged myself up the stairs. I quickly put on a pair of jeans and an over sized jumper. I tied my hair back in a loose bun and didn't even bother with make up. Gee wolf whistled as I walked back down the stairs causing me to smirk at his sarcasm. Gerard took me out for a massive breakfast, probably because he's noticed my lack of appetite since Frank dumped me. Then we walked around the park for a while apparently the fresh air would 'do me good'. We wandered around the mall for a while and went to Starbucks then grabbed some lunch when finally Gerard told me there was only one more stop left for the day. I was relieved because this day was exhausting to be entirely honest. I guess I just got accustomed to moping around. We pulled up outside Wall mart, I was confused as to why he brought me here until he took me by the hand and led me straight to the hair section.
"A wise friend once told me that a classic move when breaking up with someone is re-inventing yourself! so choose a colour!"
"I chose yours so you can choose mine." I said smugly.
"You trust me?" He asked
"Entirely" I mockingly replied
He studied the shelves intensely until he finally settled on a dip dye kit. Not gonna lie, I was pleasantly surprised. We went to the junk food section and picked up some popcorn, chips and soda and headed back to my house where Gee helped me dye my hair while watching anchorman and step brothers and dodgeball. I know Gee could tell I was absolutely shitting myself about having to go back to school tomorrow, this was his way of trying to keep me calm and cheer me up, it was sweet.

Monday morning wasn't long in coming round, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach all day, it was the feeling of absolute dread. I seen him from across the cafeteria sitting with her. I could feel him looking at me occasionally but tried to avoid his gaze, I was fighting back the tears the entire lunch time. Seeing them together was so fucking hard.
"Izzy if it makes you feel any better, it's not like he wants to be with her. He's obviously not happy" Bob said, It was nice of him to try but it wasn't really helping.
"Thanks Bob but, it doesn't really make me feel any better...can we just go smoke now?" I didn't mean to sound so rude but I was just in a bad mood. Bob wasn't offended.
"Sure thing kiddo"

When lunch was over I was terrified for Chemistry next lesson...with Frank. As I entered the class room I could see Frank was anxiously waiting for me. I kept my head high and kept telling myself 'Fake it till you make it.' I took my usual seat next to him where we sat in an awkward silence for the rest of class, there were times when I could feel him studying me and he would make gestures as if he wanted to strike up conversation but just exhale deeply instead. I tried to pretend I was focusing on class but really I was just concentrating on not crying. When the bell went signally the end of class I tried to pack up as quickly as possible to get myself out of there.
"Izzy..." He began, I turned to look at him, I could tell he was nervous. As we were staring at each other a rush of emotions washed over me, my stomach was doing somersaults and my hands began to tremble. I felt slightly angry but wanted to burst into tears at the same time. Most of all I just felt a great sense of loss when I looked at his face. He's no longer mine.
"Your hairs cool"
"Thanks"
"So um...how are you doing?"
"Uh fine...how are you?" I said shakily. Pull yourself together Izzy!
"Awful...You know I am deeply sorry, I never meant-" Then I cut him off
"I'm sorry Frank I can't talk to you right now, not like this... it's just too hard." I said before turning on my heels and storming out the classroom and straight to the closest bathroom where I hid in a stall crying like a fool, for 20 minutes. Then I thought it was too late to go to class so I might as well just ditch. I went straight to my car and drove to Gee's.
"Izzy? Hey, what are you doing here?" Gee said groggily when he opened the door.
"I just...well I..." I began as tears streamed down my face. Gee pulled me into a tight hug and took me to the kitchen where he made us coffee and offered me every item in his cupboards that had any form of chocolate in it while I calmed myself down.
"First time seeing Frank today huh?" He asked while stroking my arm
"Yeah...It was a lot harder than I thought it would be"
"It'll get easier, I promise."
"I don't think it will."
"Trust me" He said wrapping his arm around me and kissing my forehead.
"It's just so hard because not only was he the love of my life...he was my best friend. I just feel lost without him."
"It's gonna be okay Izzy, and besides you have me now, I can fill in as your best friend"
"I know Gee, I'm sorry I must sound like I don't appreciate you, but I am so grateful to have you in my life right now. I dunno where I'd be without you."

After our brief interaction in Chemistry, Frank didn't try to speak to me again. I feel guilty but I physically cannot have him in my ear telling me how sorry he is because it really doesn't help! I thought it would have been hardest at the weekends with us sharing friends. I just don't have the strength to be around him but he's stopped hanging with us. Gee tells me that the only time he spends with the guys is band practice and that's about it, guess he's too busy with his new life for his old friends.

Gerard was right though, things did get a bit easier. Of course I still missed him like crazy and my heart still ached but I stopped crying incessantly and personally I think that's a damn good achievement. I still felt completely and utterly broken every single day but bit by bit Gerard was piecing me back together. It's tough hanging with the guys because Mikey's with Lana and Bob's with Ava, and being surrounded by happy couples when you're heartbroken is not the ideal situation. Gee's a sweetheart though, because when we hang with the couples he'll be extra affectionate by having his arm around me or stroking my forearm. I think it's cause he can sense how insecure and upset I can get and this is his way of keeping me at ease and making me feel loved. With the majority of our group being coupled off Gee and I would spend more time alone together. Either chilling in his house or mine or just going to the movies or arcade. I preferred it this way because when I was with the whole group, even though I love them all dearly, I just feel like I need to pretend to be happier around them, I don't know why, I just don't wanna bring the whole group down all the time. But with Gee I don't need to pretend, he genuinely has been helping me feel happiness again. I love how with Gerard I'm not afraid to admit just how devastated I really am, I love how we can have silly conversations, talk about crazy conspiracy theories and try to figure out the meaning of life. Gerard's just an amazing person, he's such a great friend, he's really been my rock.

Gerard's POV
Izzy and I have been inseparable the past few weeks. I've made it my mission to bring her back to life. One night we were just hanging out in my room, I was working on an art piece for college and she was reading a comic and I was reminding her how strong and amazing she is when she came up from behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me from behind
"Thank you so much" She said while kissing my cheek
"For what?"
"Just being you, You know I love you right?"
"Aw I love you too Iz"
"Don't ever change" I said hugging him tightly
When she told me she loved me, I could feel my cheeks burning and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I know she only means it in a friend way but still, it meant the world to me. Fuck. I need to stop caring so much about this girl, the lines between being best friends and actually crushing on her are starting to become really blurred. I lied to myself for a while telling myself that I wasn't developing inappropriate feelings for her but instead was just being a really great friend, that was until Mikey confronted me one night over dinner. I tried to play dumb but he knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
"Gee, quit lying to yourself man, the sooner you admit that you like Izzy the better."
"Fine, I'm not saying that I like her...but I am confused."
"Well I think you're playing with fire, can you do that to Frank?"
"I'm not saying i'd ever act on these feelings Mikes"
"Okay, just be careful, I really don't wanna see you getting hurt."
I was starting to feel incredibly guilty, how could I like my best friends ex, the love of his life especially since I could see how torn up he was about the whole mess but then we started seeing less and less of Frank, he even quit the band. Once that happened he pretty much dropped off the map, with me not seeing him as much, it made me start to think that it was okay for me to have these feelings for Izzy...

Notes

Thanks for reading :)!!
Comment, rate, subscribe :)
Happy reading
xxx