The Light Behind Your Eyes

I lay awake staring at the ceiling patiently waiting for my alarm to signal the appropriate time to leave my bed and start getting ready for the first day of the school year. I was excited to attend a real public school after weeks of begging and fighting my case my father finally agreed. You see I had originally gone to private school my entire life, don’t get me wrong it was nice. The majority of pupils were snotty, stuck up, rich kids and were just always so happy, preppy and carefree all the time but I have to admit they were always nice to me, at least they used to be probably because to them at the time I was just like them, I too was rich and beautiful and at one point I was carefree too. See I come from an affluent family although I wouldn’t say we’re snotty or stuck up, my dad always made sure I knew the value of a dollar but we are very well off, my parents were happily married, both incredible role models and I had a very happy childhood.

It all began changing 2 years ago when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. When my parents sat me down and broke the news to me I felt like my whole entire existence came crashing down. I became less interested in my friends and more interested is spending as much time with my mother as possible which they understood. After a year, we thought we were out of the woods because my mom had been given the all clear and my life began balancing as I was able to equalise my time and seeing my friends more without feeling guilty. I even had a boyfriend, his name was Josh, typical perfect guy we dated for 7 perfect months.
Anyway I had my perfect life back until my mom’s cancer came back.

This was it this time, this was the end, she was given 3 months to live but my mom being so strong held on for 5. I became reclusive and dropped out of school to be with my mom every day because each day I would wake up thinking it was gonna be our last together. My parents weren’t pleased with me doing this so I agreed to get home schooled and return to proper school when I was ready. I know deep down it was the right thing to do and it made my mom happy. My dad ‘the workaholic’ my mom called him, even took loads of time off work and the 3 of us were just so close.

But my friends didn’t understand, even when my mom would force me to spend time with them instead of her I couldn’t enjoy myself and I could feel them getting annoyed at how much of a downer I was so I guess I just cut them off. I got a few texts the day of my mom’s funeral from some of them, josh’s family sent a beautiful wreath, but too much time had passed, I knew we would never be friends again. Before my mom died she made my dad promise to cancel home schooling and make me go to real school to enjoy my senior year, we met halfway, I persuaded my dad to let me transfer to public school so I could get a fresh start, I couldn’t return to a school where everyone would look at me with sad eyes and make awkward small talk. All I want is to blend into the background of this new school.

My mom passed away just a month and a half ago. Obviously it was still really difficult but I was prepared, well as prepared as one can be. She was in so much pain towards the end I accepted that it was the best for her. I think of my gorgeous mother every single day and smile. Her passing was a lot harder on my dad, he's basically shut me out and thrown himself into his work. My mom warned me it might happen and told me to just give him time, he'll eventually go back to his usual fun loving self.

My alarm finally began beeping so I arose and began to get ready for school. In anticipation I had already packed my bag and picked out my outfit which was simply a pair of denim high-waisted skinny jeans, a black cropped blouse with daisies on it and I finished my ensemble with my cherry red DMs. I applied a thin line of liquid eye liner on my upper lid and added mascara then applied light red lip stick. I pulled my hair back into a high pony tail to show off my swan like neck and high cheek bones, my mother always told me that these were my best features so I should always highlight them, especially on occasions when I’m not feeling 100% confident. I grabbed a jacket and school bag and gave myself another once over and tried to smile – ‘fake it till you make it Iz!’ I said to myself.

I skipped downstairs and entered the kitchen where Joan our housekeeper was already serving up my breakfast. “Joan you have really outdone yourself this time, it smells so good!” Joan was a short, plump woman in her early 40’s who had been with us ever since I can remember, she’s more of a family member than an employee, “Oh thank you Izzy dear, it’s all for you! It’s a big day and Lord knows you need a good breakfast after all it-” she rambled when I interrupted her “I know, I know, the most important meal of the day!” I finished my breakfast and helped Joan clear up where she would let me and said my goodbyes before reaching for the keys to my gorgeous sleek navy blue mini cooper but they weren’t on the hanger. “Joan?! Have you seen the keys to cooper??” I questioned “Izzy honey, your dad has a present for you outside, and he told me to give you this note” I read the note that said ‘if you’re going to a public school you need a safer car, you can have cooper on weekends, just make sure you take this to school.’ I opened to door and there it was, a giant black on black range rover with tinted windows. It was beautiful I’ll admit but just too much I rolled my eyes and muttered “great, that’ll really help me blend in.”

I set off for school, stopping in a random street on the way to enjoy my morning cigarette and then off I set once more. I kept planning the day ahead of me, be polite, be friendly and most of all just blend in. I arrived into the practically empty parking lot and decided to park in the very back corner to avoid as much attention as possible and walked straight into the school. It was so quiet, I didn’t see any students around, I’ll admit now perhaps I arrived too early but I’d much rather be too early than late. I approached the front desk and explained to the friendly receptionist that I was new and she gave me all of the necessary documents. I found my locker easily then went to my homeroom to find a young, thin woman sitting with a coffee reading a vogue magazine, I startled her when I opened the classroom door and she spilled her coffee over her desk. “Oh my, I wasn’t expecting anyone so early!” she said, I rushed over and lifted some tissues that were on her desk and helped her clean while apologising over and over again.

“What’s your name?” she asked. “I’m Isabelle Dawson, I’m new here.” I replied, “Oh lovely! Well, I’m Miss Cutliffe and I hope you’ll enjoy it here, when the bell rings and everyone’s here we can formally introduce you!” she said smiling. “No!” I said abruptly and Miss Cutliffe seemed to have been taken aback. “I’m sorry, I mean that wont be necessary, I was really just hoping to just…blend in.” I said awkwardly “I understand.” She said reassuringly. “Thanks miss, so um…is there a seating plan or…?” I began, she interrupted “oh no, no you can sit wherever you like. I recommend the back left, perfect place to blend.” I nodded and took my seat.

The bell rang and the classroom suddenly came alive, it filled with aimless chitter chatter. I took a deep breath and braced myself. ‘be polite, be friendly, blend in’ I repeated internally. A girl with straight, long, dark brown hair and glasses sat in the seat in front of me. After she had settled she turned around and smiled, “HI! I’m lana, I've never seen you around before, are you new?” she asked inquisitively. “Uh yeah, I’m Isabelle, but my friends call me Izzy…” I replied awkwardly while in my head I was trying to find the strength to relax. Lana grabbed my timetable “mind if I take a look?” she asked although she was already examining the piece of paper. “Yeah sure” I said with a little more confidence. “Aw sweet, we have a lot of classes together, I can show you around if you want” she said “Oh no you don’t have to do that!” I said while making a mental note to kick myself, ‘good going Iz you’ve probably offended the only person bothering to be nice to you!’i said internally; “but, I mean…if it’s not a bother” I added. “Don’t be stupid! Of course its not a bother!” she said smiling and I sighed with relief.

Notes

I'm sorry this is a really long and boring chapter i just really wanted everyone to get a good understanding of Izzy's past.
It's my first fanfic so please feel free to comment, i'd appreciate any form of feedback or advice, even if it is constructive criticism!
thanks for reading :)! xxx