"If I lay here" I voice out looking over into the big blue adoring eyes that stare into mine. His blonde hair mixes into the warm grass on the ground. His hand interlocked with my own. I brush his blonde, shimmering hair out of his face see the features of his soft eyes.

"If I just lay here" he sings, his eyes glowing in the sunset. I smile lightly, hearing the voice in its calmest, most soothing voice. It's like a whole new person was born out of his hateful shell. I don't think anyone's cared for me before. I don't think Anyone's loved me like this.

Two weeks we've been together.

Me and James.

He's so perfect. He's.....He's mine. Officially two weeks ago. When Ris broke up with him.
Ris. I'm worried for her. She's so distant with me now. She won't tell me what's wrong. She refuses. Ever since that night. That night that I had James at my place. She was so hurt. I have noticed that she's smoking a lot. Like a pack every other day.

Is she getting worse? I have no clue, but I don't want to think about that during this perfect moment. I stare up into the beautiful mixes of pink, purple, orange, and blue in the skies.

"Would you lie with me"

"And just forget the world. Forget what we're told."

"Before we get too old-"

" I love you Freddy" I look over to him again in shock. His eyes are widened as well, shock of what he had just said is obvious.

"I-I love you too, James"he sighs in relief and turns his view back to the sky. I do the same.

"Your the first person I've ever said that to and meant it." He says, closing his eyes. " I really do mean it Freddy. I love you." I look Into his eyes, seeing the pure sincerity in his eyes and that's when I realize that I've crushed on this teenage boy for so long, and I never even realized it myself. I guess I felt different around him, but I never realized it was...

Love.

The thing I'm terribly afraid of. But I have good reasoning. My parents are divorced. The only thing they have agreed on in the last 6 years was that I should live on my own.

I stare into those beautiful eyes, feeling the intense, unknown emotion that I had never learned before. I lean in, wanting to feel his soft lips against mine.

Ad like it was timed, that's when my phone rang.

I didn't want to answer it. Like really didn't Want to. But James reached into my pocket, pulling out the phone and putting against my chest.

"Answer it." I groan and pull it up to my ear with a full smile.

"Freddy? Is that you?" I hear a panicked voice say. My smile falls into worry, as James notices his goes as well.

"Yeah this is me who is this?" I hear pants of panic on the other side, worrying me further.

"It's Frank, Clarissas uncle, you were the favorite on her phone, so we thought we would tell you. . ." That got me to jump up to my feet, already heading to the car. James hops up behind me, trying to pull my hand back.

"What is it?!" I almost scream into the phone, fear building up in my body.

"Ris overdosed on Xanax mixed with vodka today." I fall to my knees from the feeling of a large stone falling ontop of me. Something I know is that she doesn't take Xanax. She bought them from someone. The phone falls from my grasp, onto the grass below me. I begin to wail, my trapped emotions flying from my eyes and my mind.

"Yes hello? He's distracted right now, what is it? Which one? Okay we'll be there. Bye" he pulls me to stand by taking my hands and pulling me towards the car.

"Come on she's in the hospital. We have to go now." I look up in understanding and chase him to the car. I thought she was dead. I thought she had killed herself. I thought I would never see the one who's defended me for so long now ever again. I've never realized it love her too, but in a different way.

She's so special. She's like my twin sister. I wish that me and her could run away from our hellish families and just leave into an adventure. Leave and never return. They wouldn't care anyway.

As James drives, a line tear falls down his face. I can't help but feel offended.

"You have no reason to cry James. You never even loved her. You cheated on her while you dated her." I say poisonously. He gasps in shock, pulling over to the side of the road.

"You think I didn't care about her? Just because I didn't fall in love with her, doesn't mean I don't care about her." I scoff but look away, not continuing the argument. He just pulls back onto the road and speeding slightly. My tears fall yet again, thinking of the possibility of her death.

Why would she kill herself?

Was it my fault?

It was probably my fault.

Oh my god, It was my fault.

Why am I such an Ass! I feel like I've ignored her. It's me, isnt it? I'm a terrible friend.

"We're here" James states, getting out of the car. I run out, running straight towards the doors, then the desk.

"Clarissa Jackson please." I listen to the tapping, anticipation building. I hear James run up behind me and attempt to put a hand on my shoulder. I tense at the touch, so he pulls it away. I'm not in the mood for reassuring gestures.

"She currently can't be seen since she is in the ICU, but the waiting room is on the Third floor." I nod and go the the already loaded elevator, fitting myself in with the rest. James stands beside me.

"It'll be alright" he says, pulling me to look at him. I glare at him.

"You wouldn't be able to know that. She could be dead for all we know. She's probably dying right now, an I can't even apologize for being the terrible friend I am. This is my fault. I know it is. I did thi-"

"It is not your fault. How could you even think that?" I ignore him, waiting for the stopped elevator to open. I can feel the stares of the nosey people in here, judging me and waiting for what I say next.

The door opens and I rush out, heading towards the waiting room. I notice her parents aren't there, figures. I see her uncles and Mr. Way sitting together. And an urge went through me.

It's his fault. He did something, He had to have.

I point an accusing finger at him, rushing straight towards him. My eyes are on fire and he can see that.

"You" I say, standing over his sitting body, his shock and fear already settled in his eyes. " What did you do to her?!" I yell, pulling him up. He suddenly flares in defense.

"I didn't do anything! It could've easily been you!" He pries my hands off his shirt, pushing me away. My anger builds higher as I shove him against a nearby wall.

"I will kill you Way. That girl that just attempted suicide is like my sister. Shes so perfect. She's so wonderful and if you did anything to her to make her do this, it's your Funeral. Got it?" I say getting into his face.Gerard looks like hes about to fight back when I'm pulled off of Gerard by Frank. Frank sits me into a seat next to Ray as he pulls Gerard into a seat next to himself.

"We don't need to be fighting. This is about Clarissa, not about who's fault it is. And it's not any of our faults anyway." Franks says. But then a voice rings out. A voice I had long forgotten once I saw Gerard.

"What is going on with you and Mr.Way. Better yet, what is going on between Mr. Way and Ris?" He asks, completely confused.

"Shit uh" I manage to stutter out, looking over at Gerard.

"Go ahead, I don't care anymore. I just want her okay." He says, leaning against the arm rest with his hand supporting his head.

"Well uh, Ger- I Mean Mr. Way and Ris are uh. . . together?" I say nervously. James eyes widen and he jumps up.

"Him and her?! As in a teacher and a student?!-"

"KEEP IT DOWN JAMES" I whisper yell. He sighs loudly and falls down to the seat.

"How- when?"

"Well..."

"It was while we were dating wasn't it?" He asks incredulously.

"Yeah." He sighs and falls back into his seat. Ugh what a nightmare.

Ris if you come out of this alive I'm going to fucking kill you.

Hours and hours later, after much worry and fear, a doctor stepped out of her room. I did NOT like the look on his face.

"Clarissa Jackson's family?" We all stand up and rush over to his somber face.

"she's... Alive. I guess. But she's very unstable. Xanax mixed with alcohol is very deadly. She's awake now, if you would like to see her. But please, be careful." He looks at each of us and nods, before walking off.

I step into the room first, followed by the rest of the group. I pull back the sheet that covered her bed, seeing her dazed body stare into the nearly silent tv. You could hear the quiet newscaster talk about some sinkhole in Guatemala (A.N. It's real. Don't believe me? Look it up! It's huge)

"It's surprising how all those people had lives, families even, and they just fell into a sink hole, a point of no return. Gone. Like they had vanished even. A three story house fell into that sink hole. You can't even see it. It's crazy how life can be stolen. I wish we could give life away." Ris says, still staring blankly at the tv. It's like she has no emotion to her voice. It's frightening. Her head suddenly snaps towards me.

"Freddy if I die, will you keep my sketchbook? But give the ones that say for Gerard to Gerard. And Frankie, would you keep pansy? I want you to have her whether I die or not. It should go to good use, and you're the one to use it. Ray, would you take my signed misfits necklace? I got that with Noah, so it's special, and I know you would keep it safe" she then, after looking into each of our eyes, looks into Gerards.

"Gerard, I want you to keep all of my finished paintings. I made quite a few for you-"

"To which I do not accept. You aren't giving anything away. You're perfect. You're not dying. Not now, hell not ever, if I can help it. I love you, and I'm not letting you go." A lone tear falls down her face, the first sign of any emotion.

"And what if I try and kil-"

"I won't let you. " he says, stopping her from ever even saying the terrible words.

"So where are my biological parents?" She says, changing the subject.

"No show Ris." Frank says, sitting next to her and letting her change the subject. I guess I am smart to not lecture her yet. She isn't stable.

"Figures"

Notes

Thats the sinkhole by the way. when I first saw it on the tv it scarred me for life, that was the first time I had paranoia. It swallowed a three story house, never to be seen again.


Anyway,
Did you really expect the cutesy stuff to last? It's me, guys. I don't do fluff.
Sincerely,
TFTCxoxo