You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison

It's been a while since I've held a pen. My writing scrawls down the uniform sheets, like a drunk spider wobbling its way across the regulation sheets. I struggle for the right words, but once they come, the fall like a torrent onto the page and I fill them one after another, blotching the paper, like the ink that stains my own canvas. I sign it with my name, and seal it inside an envelope. Gerard walks in, and my smile is more genuine than it's ever been. Maybe I'm still a broken wreck of a man, but like Gerard says, the first step is accepting it. And these letters explaining how sorry I am that I did something so terrible are my way of accepting it.
"You all done there?"
"Yep."
He takes the letters and puts them in the leather satchel he carries on his shoulder. He sits across from me at my little white table.
"I got a letter saying I can take you to my home the other day. It's completely unusual but at my request; you get no sense of society stuck in here." Get out? Is this what he means?
"The only condition is that you are handcuffed to me at all times. I can take you for a couple of days. This must be an awful shock, I know."
I feel a little light headed all of a sudden. The image of the massively free sky that day a few months ago springs into my mind. Free. Suddenly, I notice Gerard's face; he looks concerned. I realize my mouth is hanging open a little, and I must look in shock. I break out into a massive smile.
"When can I leave?"

Notes

I know it's ridiculously short but it's all I can manage for a while. Stuff isn't going well, which is hardly an excuse, however I'm going to end up how I was about half a year ago if I carry on juggling my life - severely self harming and suicidal. I feel absolutely awful about letting you down, and I know regular updates are half the appeal, and I want to thank you for saying you'll stick by this, but honestly I think you should abandon this because God knows how much I'd hate to disappoint even more people.
Please comment, keep the messages coming, drop me a line through twitter (@teapartypoison), whatever. I like to read what you have to say on my writing and I really do appreciate the massively overwhelming support.
Until next time lovelies.