5 months later

'Dear diary,
I can't believe I bought this piece of crap.
Well, here goes nothing.
These past few months have been pretty rough on me. My life kind of just went to shit.
I can confidently say that my friendship with Patrick Stump is over. That's not the only friendship that ended with me though. Michael Way has declared me as a 'sworn enemy'. Well, that's what I think anyway.

Chelsea had her beautiful bouncing baby boy. She called him Daniel, after her father. I was happy for them, extremely happy. Almost as happy as burning my eyes out would make me. I haven't really kept in touch with my family. I kind of just packed all my shit up and left for England. It's cold, dark and rainy. It fits my emotions exactly.

I quit DC. I felt a big release when I gave my two weeks notice. I started to practice music a lot more. I even took up a job as a music teacher. It's only twice a week for a guitar club. I thought that after the...'

I stopped writing and looked out the window beside my desk. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The glass of Irish whiskey glittered. I took a mouthful before finishing the sentence.

'...break up, I would have been sent a lot of hate. I just got support. People told me that they thought it wasn't true, they said that I shouldn't worry about it and that I should keep strong. How can I keep strong when...'

I dropped my pen and sobbed into my hands. My life has truly gone to shit. I can't do anything anymore without him crossing my mind. I love him so fucking much. It hurts to see his name on billboards, in newspapers, magazines and on the TV every day. I clenched my jaw shut as my hands curled into fists. I wiped my desk clear, throwing everything to the floor. I kicked my chair over and walked away. I stopped and turned around while combing my messy hair back. I pulled on it in frustration.

I fell to my knees. My legs weren't able to support me anymore. I don't blame them. I can't even support myself mentally. I punched my fist into the floor. My heart was just hanging on a string. I balled my hands up and sat up, letting out a painful cry. He was everything to me. I was so stupid, so ignorant. It wasn't me who did it. I didn't end it. I didn't want it to end. I cried into my hands, falling onto my side and curling up in the fetal position.

I stayed there. The whole night. Crying into my hands until I fell asleep. The last thing I saw before I drifted off was Gerard. It will always be Gerard. Only...Gerard...

***

Something was making a loud noise in my room. My eyes opened and I found myself on the middle of my lounge room's floor. I rubbed my eyes and got up. The phone is ringing. I padded towards it. My hand grabbed the phone and I answered.

"Hello" I mumbled.
"Hey Charlie bear"
My eyes closed and my heart ached at the sound of Frank's voice. I didn't say anything, neither did he. It's been a while since we talked. I licked my dry lips and combed my hair back while looking around the house.
"H-How are you Frankie?" I whispered.
"Not to good to be honest. How are you?"
"Peachy"
I held onto the couch before sitting down on the edge, holding the phone with both hands.
"I-I've missed you s-so much..." His voice drifted off.
"I've missed you to Frankie" My lip trembled a little as my eyes watered.
"Wh-Where are you? C-Can I see you?" His voice sounded desperate.
I didn't tell anyone where I went. I kind of just left.
"H-How about I come to you?" I sniffled and tried to sound happy.
"O-Okay. I-I love you. I just want you to know that"
"I love you too Frankie baby" I chuckled and wiped my eyes.
"Bye" he whispered.
"Bye"

I hung up and stared at the ground. It'd be nice to go back. I placed my phone back on my desk and laughed at the mess I made last night. I sighed at the broken glass. Great. Just had to knock the bottle of whiskey over. Screw it, it's not like I'm coming back for a while. I'll clean it later.

I had a quick shower and got changed. I put my Tiffany bracelet and heart locket on. My eyes glanced at the rings I always used to wear. The gold heart, 'A brothers love' and even the one their mother gave me. My eyes watered and I quickly looked away.

I packed my suit case, bringing only a few clothes and necessary items. I looked around my room once more. Then I saw it, the journal that Gerard had bought me for christmas. I bit my lip nervously. Should I take it with me? An empty bottle of Jameson was placed on top of it. That was the night I got extremely drunk and wrote a letter to him inside.

I sighed and picked the book up, letting the bottle clatter to the ground. I looked inside and read the scribbled writing:

'I was going to write about you again, but then I remembered you don’t care and I should be over this. Truthfully, I didn’t deal with it in the first place. Maybe that’s why it’s been pouring out of me lately. The emotions and hurt, I mean. They’re kind of drowning my fucking guts. I want you to know, I still think you’re as lovely as the sunsets I wanted to show you and the moon that I did. I don’t know if you remember that but you said it was beautiful. I remember thinking, I wish I could give it to you somehow because your eyes were so sad. It would’ve been nice to see them in awe. I looked at you in awe.

Anyways, I want you to know I’m happy for you. I’m pissed you’re not happy with me but that’s not really what people are supposed to say. So I’ll just say I’m happy for you and leave it there. I’d still give you the moon if I could. I’d give you the whole fucking sky even if you wanted to share it with her instead.
Fuck.
I wrote about you again.'

*(A/N: See below)*

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I think I forgot to mention that Gerard has a new lover. My eyes watered once more at the thought of this... 'New girl' that has been wrapped in his arms. I shoved my journal into the front pocket of my suitcase.

I got an extra backpack and filled it with my iPad, laptop, charger and wallet. I grabbed my mobile, placing that in my back pocket, I got my headphones and house keys, shrugging a jacket on and walking towards the front door. I looked back, checking for anything I forgot. I bit my lip, leaving my backpack and suit case by the front door before running towards my bedroom. I snatched the rings in my jewellery box and clutched them tight in my clenched fist.

***

I blasted my music up loud and went through my iPad. I smiled lightly at the photos of myself, Ray and Jacob. We spent one whole day together, just taking photos of each other on my iPad. The next photo album was filled with Gerard and I. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his smiling face. He was trying to work but I kept bugging him by taking photos of him, he gave in after a while and started posing in them. I giggled at the memory and felt my heart ache a little. I went to the next photo album. This one was downloaded from my professional camera, the one that Ray got me for Christmas.

There were photos of the sunset. A couple were black and white with Frank smoking a cigarette and looking away some where. I smiled as the time I took the photos came into my mind. He was having a serious conversation with me and I was busy taking photos of him. You could see the small smile on his face in the last one. That was when he realised what I was doing. The next was Mikey holding onto his jacket with one hand and combing his hair back with the other. I checked the other ones and just saw images of the guys on stage, doing what they do best. 'I should totally put these up on my tumblr' I thought.

"Maybe later" I whispered. I decided to watch YouTube videos while I waited for my plane to arrive. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I rolled my eyes and paused the video I was watching of 'Danisnotonfire' and slipped the phone out of my jeans. I looked at the screen and frowned. A blocked number was calling me. I scratched the back of my neck in confusion before removing my headphones and answering it.

"Hello?" I looked around to see if anyone was listening to my phone call.
There was nothing but silence. "Uh- Hello?" I asked again only to be hung up on. What the fuck was that? I shrugged it off and turned my phone off. I don't want anybody calling me...

***

"Hey" I smiled. I was back in New Jersey. The night air nipped at my cheeks and I waited for Frank to reply.
"Hey uh- Charlie... I hate to be an asshole right now, but- hold on a sec" There was a muffled sound in the background and I bit my lip while looking around.
"Could you stay at a hotel for tonight?" He whispered.
"Wh-Why?" I frowned while tightening my grip on my suitcase.
"Well, it's just that somebody is here and I-"
"Is it Gerard? Is he there?" I asked, my eyebrows were raised in instinct.
"Y-Yeah..." He sighed.
"I don't care. Honestly, he can be there if he wants" I smiled triumphantly.
"A-Alright, Well, do you want me to pick you up?" He asked nervously.
"Sure thing baby" I grinned.
"Okay. See you then Charlie bear" He hung up and I sighed in regret.

"Fucking Fuck" I kicked a stone on the pathway. "I don't care... I'm fucking Charlotte Holmes! Who fucking cares! AM I RIGHT!?" I shouted while kicking another rock. I groaned and thought about what I was going to do. "I'll give him the letter... YEAH! I'll give him that letter and I'll shove it up his ass! Wait... Why am I angry?" I got confused over myself. Why am I angry? I sat myself on top of a wall and swung my legs out. "Who knows anymore" I twiddled my thumbs while mumbling stupid things to myself.

A car skidded to a stop in front of where I was sitting. I looked closer and saw Frank getting out of that car. His eyes met mine and a big grin hit his face. I grinned back, jumping off the wall I was on and running towards him. He opened his arms up and ran towards me. I dived into his arms and hugged him. I cried in happiness at his embrace. "I'm so sorry for leaving you Frankie" I kissed his chest lightly and he kissed the top of my head. "It's okay baby girl" He picked me up and swung me around. "AH! I'm so fucking happy to see you!" He cheered.

He dropped me suddenly, I fell to the ground and gasped. "You asshole! Give me some warning next time!" I rubbed my butt and got up. "Whatever! Let's get your shit and go home" He pointed to my suitcase and we picked my stuff up.

***

"I'm so happy to see you again" I smiled as we pulled up at his house.
"Me and you both... I mean, for me to see you, not for me to see me because that would be weir-" He started to blabber and loose control over his mouth.
"Frank... I understand. Loser" I flicked his forehead and he grinned. "Come on. Let's get you inside" I stepped out of the car and glanced over at a black car parked beside us. I stopped moving and intently studied it. It was a 1970 Dodge Challenger. A real beauty. It looked like it was freshly polished too.

I stood next to it and smiled.
"Like what you see?" I flinched at the sound of his voice. I felt completely frozen as the feeling of his eyes gazing over me sent me shivers. I didn't want to look at him right now.
"I-I uh- Y-Yeah... Nice car" I coughed nervously into my hand before turning my back to him and walking over to Frank. Frank gave me an apologetic look while getting my suitcase out. "Here. Let me help" Gerard's silky voice said inches away from my ear. His hand brushed down my arm, giving me goosebumps as he grabbed my backpack, his fingers purposely entwined with mine before he let go and took my bag.

"Uh- Let's go" Frank blushed awkwardly for me and grabbed my arm, dragging me away from Gerard. I turned to look back at him and my breath hitched. He was more beautiful then I remembered. His messy red hair was showing dark brown roots. He had on the black leather jacket that I bought him, a pair of dark skinny jeans and a black muscle tee. His eyes were watching me, almost hungrily and filled with a dangerous amount of lust. His fairy floss pink lips were raised in a hazardous smirk. His pale skin was brighter and his cheekbones were higher.

I felt faint as he sent me a wink. I watched his free hand slowly go from his thigh up to the top of his jeans. Was he teasing me? He bit his lip in a daring matter and I blushed awkwardly. Frank almost pushed me inside. "Fucking douche bag" He muttered.

Holy fuck. What the fuck am I going to do?

Notes

* I actually saw this letter on Tumblr. I thought it was tragically romantic and everything that I wanted for this story! (This is not mine. Though I'd really want it to be!)*

Hey guys!
I'M SORRY! IMMA LIKE... SAH SORRY!
BUT ain't this fun!?

(Gerard's P.O.V next *wink wink*)

Love you all!

Bye! xo
P.S Thank you to all the comments! To be honest they made me extremely happy! Keep running killjoys! *Back flips into the fiery pits of hell*