Disenchanted

Hours later Gerard was chained to a cold metal desk in one of the many interview rooms of Belleville police station. His wrists were red and partly cut open, but no matter how much he complained, he couldn’t get anyone to undo the handcuffs that contained him, much less to loosen them. It seemed no one took too kindly to prisoners accused to underage sex, much less with what they deemed to be mentally ill kids like Frank.

Gerard had lost track of time as the hours has ticked by; with no watch and no sign of a clock in the small room, what seemed to be endless time was slipping by him. His throat was raw from talking and at times, shouting, even screaming in anger and frustration as officers fired question after question at him, but never seemed to really listen to his answers. At the moment they were taking a break; the officers interrogating Gerard had gone to get coffee, leaving him to rest his head on the cold metal desk and sigh, all his hope slowly draining away. He was tired, not to mention terrified. He missed Frank. He was terrified about what they were saying to him, doing to him. Gerard knew Frank loved him as much as he loved him, and he was certain he would tell that to the officers that were surely questioning him too. However, he couldn’t help but worry. He didn’t doubt Frank, or worry about what Frank thought of their relationship. Gerard knew that Frank knew he loved him. However, he was scared that the officers, with their intimidating stares and harsh way of putting things, would somehow convince Frank otherwise; convince him that Gerard never loved him and was simply using him for sex, for his own perverted needs. Gerard was scared that Frank would suddenly start believing he was the victim in all of this, instead of one half of a loving relationship. He was worried, above all else, that when he finally saw Frank, if he ever did, Frank would be cold towards him; shun him, believing all the lies he had been fed.

Alone in the dark room with no concept of time, Gerard also worried for Frank’s heath. He didn’t know whether it was still day, or if it had slowly crept into the night. If it was the latter, Frank would need to take his pills for the night, or else he’d become agitated or aggravated, and more susceptible to believe the things he would probably be told. That was if that hadn't happened already, considering he had been unmedicated for so long. Frank hadn’t been well lately, and this ordeal was surely not helping that. Gerard just wanted to get him home, make sure he was okay and remind him how much he was loved and how no one could break them, not Lindsey, not the police, not anyone. However, as the night seemed to stretch out in front of him, the idea of seeing Frank soon really didn’t seem like it would be a possibility. Gerard’s head raced as his heart sunk. Maybe he’d be arrested, properly arrested for Lindsey’s accusations. Maybe he’d face a trial, go to jail and be separated from Frankie for years on end. What would happen to him then? He couldn’t survive without Frank and he knew Frank felt the same. They’d often talked about the possibility of being separated in some way before all this had happened. Frank had firmly stated he’d rather die than live without Gerard. At the time, Gerard had been alarmed, if not honoured by his heartfelt declaration, but now he couldn’t imagine doing anything but the same himself.

Gerard wasn’t left to worry or reminisce for much longer though, as just then the door banged open and a new police officer stepped inside, and sat down at the desk, placing a cup of coffee in front of Gerard as well as taking a sip from his own. Gerard lifted his head to acknowledge the man and almost did a double take when he recognised the officer. It was the officer from the night that Frank had tried to kill himself for the second time; the one that had pulled him away from the tracks before he was about to step in front of the oncoming train. Gerard didn’t know why he was so surprised; there were only a limited amount of police officers in New Jersey so he was bound to see the same ones from time to time. Gerard had been so grateful to the team that helped to save his Frankie that night, especially the one sitting right in front of him. He had even taken him to dinner one night to say thanks and they had chatted, laughed even. They had had a good time. But now, sitting in front of him, the officer whose name Gerard had learnt was John, looked intimidating as hell. Gerard also knew that John knowing what Frank had done that night, wouldn’t do them both any favours. Frank would look crazy and unstable and Gerard would look even sicker for wanting to be with him.

John cleared his throat as Gerard eyed him over the coffee cup. “Mr Way.” “Officer.” All niceties had gone. The officer got straight down to business. “Now, I know you must have gone over this at least a hundred times tonight, but I want you to tell me once more exactly what’s been going on between you and Mr Iero. Now, your fiancée, Ms Ballato says-“ Gerard could have screamed in frustration. “She’s not my fiancée!" he interrupted. "I don’t care what she says; we haven’t been together for months now.” John sent Gerard a severe look. “If you’d just let me finish.” Gerard blushed slightly, embarrassed by the officer’s gaze. “Sorry.” John nodded. “Now, as I was saying, Ms Ballato maintains that she is still your fiancée and the child she is pregnant with is yours.” “That’s true,” interjected Gerard. “The baby thing I mean. She got pregnant a month or so before we broke up. But we are not still engaged. I don’t know why she would say that. I mean, she probably feels betrayed, understandably so, but no, we’re definitely not together.”

The officer nodded. “Is there anyone who could confirm this? Aside from Mr Iero that is.”
“Yes, yes,” Gerard said, nodding eagerly. “My brother, Mikey.” The officer ripped a piece of paper from his pad along with a pen and slid them both across the table to Gerard. “Write his number on this.” Gerard scrawled Mickey’s name and number on the paper with difficulty and slid it back. The officer looked at the piece of paper, nodded and got up from the chair and left the room. Gerard waited, knowing he would be practically knawing his nails away right now if his hands were free. Several minutes later, John entered the room again and sat back down opposite Gerard. “It seems, although shocked at being awaken with the news that you've been arrested, your brother is backing up everything you’ve been saying about Ms Ballato. He says you haven’t been engaged for several months.” Gerard could have jumped for joy. “Yes, exactly! See, she’s lying, you can’t trust her! Please believe me, this is obviously some indication that she’s over exaggerating or just upset or-“

“Mr Way,” interrupted the officer. “Ms Ballato ‘over exaggerating’ your relationship does not excuse your actions. You still slept with an underage child-“ Gerard wanted to scream. He had explained over and over again that he hadn’t slept with Frank until he was eighteen, but everyone seemed to overlook that fact. “No!” said Gerard exasperatedly. “I didn’t sleep with him until he turned eighteen. He wanted to do it beforehand but I knew it wouldn’t be right, wouldn’t be fair.”

“What you mean is; you knew there would be less chance of you being prosecuted if you waited until Mr Iero turned eighteen. So you planned this in advance? You wanted to save your ass, didn’t you?” the officer asked. “No! I didn’t plan anything! Please, just let me explain things in my own words, you’re not getting the full story like this, just asking me questions and having me answer them," pleaded Gerard. The officer sat back in his seat and looked at Gerard. “Fine; go ahead. Explain.” Gerard sighed in relief, hoping the police would start to see things from his side of the story now. It wasn’t likely but a guy could dream. Gerard took a deep breath, knowing this would probably be his only chance to explain himself. He wanted to get it right.

“I first met Frank in late spring this year. He came into the hospital I worked at, after he purposely drove his car into a brick wall. I wanted him to be admitted, I mean he obviously wasn't well, but he begged me to let him go. He asked if he could come to therapy every week instead, as a sort of compromise. He seemed to be making progress after a while, but after he attempted suicide twice more, he was taken to Belleville psych unit. I was asked to work as his psychiatrist there. I was still with Lindsey at this time. She was pregnant. But one day, we, Frank and I, we kissed. We started a relationship, and I broke off my engagement with Lindsey. We first slept together on Frank’s eighteenth birthday. He was staying at my house that night on an overnight visit from the hospital. Normally he would have spent the night with a relative, but Frank doesn’t really have many of those left, at least not any that want to see him anyway…Anyway, that was the first and only time we slept together until he was released from the hospital and was living at my house. I know he was under my care and he’s not in the best state of mind right now; I know I shouldn't have done it, but you’ve got to believe me when I say this; I love Frank. I’ve loved him for months. Never have I ever acted this way towards any of the other kids that came to me for therapy, nor any of the other kids at the hospital where I work. Believe me, when I first started to have feelings for Frank, I tried to fight it as much as possible; I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. But when I discovered he felt the same…We’re meant to be together, regardless of age. Let’s face it, if I was any other twenty two year old and I slept with an eighteen year old, it wouldn’t matter.”

“It’s not the fact that Mr Iero is eighteen that matters, Mr Way. It’s the power you held over him through your position that matters; it’s the possibility that you slept with him before he turned eighteen, meaning you assaulted him, meaning you could be charged with statutory rape. It’s the possibility that you could have had relations like this with some of the other underage children you worked with.”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” asked Gerard, on the verge of tears from constantly explaining his side of the story, and still having no one he talked to believe him. Even though he knew the truth, he was beginning to feel dirty, like he was a pervert who had used Frank, instead of a person who had simply fallen in love with another under the wrong circumstances. He didn’t want to be on the news or go down in history as a criminal; be put on some list alongside actual rapists and molesters, condemning him to a life unable to work with kids, constantly monitored by police, and accused of crimes whenever something was slightly amiss where he lived or where he worked. He didn’t want to be persecuted for loving someone else. “It’s only ever been Frank. I’ve never even thought of the other kids who come to me for therapy in that way. I would never, ever hurt someone, much less assault them. I’d never touch someone without their permission. I fell in love with Frank, and he fell in love with me, that’s all; simple as that. Granted, it was under pretty awkward circumstances. And yeah, maybe we should have just walked away from each other, and never gone about a relationship. But by the time that we did start a relationship, we were totally and utterly in love with each other. I couldn’t walk away from someone I loved, and I wouldn’t want to.”

The two sat in total silence for a minute or so, Gerard fidgeting under the officer’s gaze. Gerard knew he was thinking about everything he had said, along with everything Frank had said, and wondering if perhaps Gerard was telling the truth. Surely if Frank was backing up everything Gerard was saying in his own interview room, that should be it, over and done with. But Gerard knew things were never that simple. Even if they were in love, there was still the fact that Gerard had carried out a relationship with one of his patients. He knew that that alone would finish him. He would never be trusted in his field again, that was for sure. He would definitely be fired. He could kiss psychiatry goodbye. He would be resigned to working in McDonalds for the rest of his life, prosecuted or not. The hospital would spread word about his relationship with Frank; he’d never be hired by another hospital again. The same went for working as an independent psychiatrist; no one would want to go to him. His family would shun him. He doubted he’d even be able to visit his baby once it was born. The birth was supposed to be any day now. Maybe he’d miss it, rotting away in prison instead of being there for Lindsey, holding her hand like they’d planned even after they’d split up. Maybe he’d spend the majority of his life in prison if he was convicted, missing all important events like first words, first steps, first birthdays, first day of school. Maybe he’d return to New Jersey to a teenage or adult daughter with a wrinkled mother; a daughter who utterly refused to see him after being fed horrid, over exaggerated lies by her mother her entire life. Gerard’s heart sank at the thought of it. Being fired, having a bad reputation; that was something he’d get over eventually. It’d be hard admittedly. But losing his baby, as well as Frank, now that was unthinkable. ”What’s Frank been saying?” asked Gerard suddenly, not willing to last any longer without any news of his love. The officer looked at him for several seconds before sighing. “Much the same.”

“If he’s saying the same, that he loves me too, can’t you just let me go?” The police officer shook his head. “We still have to investigate further into this; ask your friends, family, co-workers about this. We have to go to the hospital, interview everyone you’ve worked with, all the patients that are there right now, or were there the entire time you’ve been working there, see if they have anything to say about you. Also, we need a list of all the people you saw whilst working as an independent therapist.” He ripped another piece of paper from his now slightly thinner pad and slid in across the desk to Gerard along with a pen. “List them here; names and addresses.” A few minutes passed as Gerard reluctantly scrawled the names in his barely legible doctor’s handwriting. When he was finished, he slid the paper back along the desk. The officer picked it up and left the room without looking at Gerard. How long he left for, Gerard didn’t know. He seemed to have been gone for hours. Gerard was restless, continuously tapping his foot against the cold hard ground of the interview room, tired but unable to sleep. He closed his eyes as he leant his head against the cold, metallic table, deciding he'd at least try to escape this horror, if only for a few minutes.

He was jolted awake several minutes later by the officer banging his way back into the room and sitting back down beside Gerard, who raised his head expectantly. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting though. Anything was enough at this stage.The officer leaned in, looking pretty annoyed at the news that he was about to break to Gerard. “Here’s the thing, Gerard. We can’t hold someone for more than twenty four hours. If we did, we’d be breaking the laws ourselves. It turns out everything we need to find out is going to take a lot longer that we first thought. You are by no means being let go though. At the moment, we’re gathering evidence. That’s going to take us much longer than twenty four hours, it could take several days. We have the majority of our team working on this case right now. It’s top priority. We obviously don’t take too kindly to underage sex whilst being in a position of power, in love or not. And seeing as we technically can’t charge you with anything right now, due to lack of evidence, we have to release you on bail. Your family members have been contacted and it’s up to them if they’d like to pay the bail and have you stay at their house whilst we investigate you. But even if they do pay the bail and you get out of here tonight, don’t for one second,” sneered the officer, pointing his finger at Gerard angrily, “think you’re getting away with this. You can spout all this bullshit about being in love with Mr Iero, but let me tell you this – I don’t believe it for one second, and you won’t find many other people who do. Once Frank realises just how serious this all is, once we break him out of this spell you seem to have put on him, then he’ll confess. He’ll reveal everything you’ve been denying and then, that’ll be it for you Gerard. You’re going down for this.”

Once the officer finished his rant, he left the room, looking like he wanted to spit on Gerard as he went. Gerard felt close to tears but was too exhausted to cry. Instead he rested his head on the desk and almost instantly fell asleep, his dreams restless and filled with images of Frank. Hours later he was awoken by hands undoing his handcuffs and pulling his to his feet. He was pulled out of the dark room and into the blinding lights of the lobby, the bright light almost burning his eyes. There, with his bony ass perched on the end of a plastic chair and anxiously biting his nails, sat Mikey. Realising Mikey had paid his bail; Gerard wanted to cry for joy. He could always rely on his younger brother to help him. Gerard hadn’t been happier to see Mikey since the time he was nine and thought it’d be fun to climb up the highest tree in the park, but had gotten stuck. Stuck up there for what seemed like hours, Gerard had been happier than ever to see his younger baby brother, who had stood there, his eyes wide and staring and his thumb firmly stuck in his mouth, who promptly ran off to fetch their mother per his instructions. Their mother had been angry with Gerard but the whole affair had been quickly made better by her comforting touch and soothing voice. However, Gerard knew things would not be so easily solved this time. He was much too old for crawling into his mother's arms and hiding there until everything blew over.

Seeing Gerard, Mikey immediately stood up and walked stiffly towards him. Gerard’s heart sank. Mikey always had a hold on his emotions, something which often made him seem emotionless, but Gerard always knew what he was thinking. It was something other friends and family members thought weird, but it was something which only made the brothers closer. Gerard instantly knew Mikey was angry, furious even and understandably so. He knew an argument was brewing. Mikey stiffly rejected Gerard’s attempt to hug him, which made Gerard's heart sink even lower. “Let’s go,” muttered Mikey angrily, still refusing to look Gerard in the eyes. “We’ll be in contact soon,” commented an officer as the pair walked past. “Wait,” Gerard said, catching Mikey’s arm to stop him. “What about Frankie? If I’m being released on bail, what’s happening to him?” The officer looked at him like he was a piece of dirt on his shoe before answering. “He’s been sent back to the hospital.” Gerard was stunned. “What? What? Why? He was released; they said he was okay to leave.” The officer looked bored of the conversation. “But that was when you were his doctor,” he stated as if it was obvious. “We’ve contacted the hospital, and they’ve agreed to take him back; said that him being released is invalid considering that he was released whilst you were his doctor. Any ‘progress’ he made, is now under review. It’s being speculated that maybe he wasn’t ready, that you just wanted him released so it’d be easier for you to have access to him. And if the scars on his arms and the fresh cuts on his legs are anything to go by, they’re right.”

Gerard’s heart was in his mouth. The fact that Frank was going to be sent back to the hospital he so dearly hated, just because relationship had been found out, horrified him. “How long for?” Please say it’s just whilst the case is under review, he thought in his head. “For the foreseeable future,” answered the officer. “Could be months.” “But why?” asked Gerard, wanting to wail. “He was allowed to go!” “But that was before we found about his relationship with you. Now everything is invalid. It’s like he’s starting his sentence, if you will, all over again, as if you’d never even been his doctor," the officer stated coldly. “Being in love with someone doesn’t compromise how I would treat them!” Gerard shouted. “I may have been Frank’s boyfriend but above all that, I was still his doctor. I would never have let him be released if I didn’t think he was ready. Taking our relationship out on Frank is totally unfair! He hated it there, he won’t survive without me!” John, the officer who Gerard had been speaking to earlier, stepped out from a doorway having obviously been listening. “You should have thought of that before Mr Way,” he commented. “But I can promise you this, Frank Iero will be back in the psych ward before the hour, and you will be rotting away in jail before the end of the week. And above all, you will never see Frank Iero again, I promise you that. Oh, and by the way, you’ve been fired from the hospital. Now get out of my sight.”

Gerard let Mikey drag him away, speechless. They got into the car and drove home in silence. “Mikey-“ tried Gerard. Mikey shot him a murderous look. “Don’t even try, Gerard. Do you have any idea what kind of a day I’ve had? I was in there for over an hour before I collected you; they were interrogating me for what seemed like hours, trying to get all the information I had out of me. When they found out I knew about the two of you, that was it, they’d immediately labelled me as an accomplice, thought I’d helped you lure Frank, accused me of everything. They want to speak to me again tomorrow so that’s another few hours of interrogating gone, getting my reputation dragged through the mud, upsetting Alicia, scaring mom and dad to death. So fuck you, Gerard, don’t even try to apologise for your mistakes this time. Do you have any idea what you've done? Just because you couldn't keep it in your pants. You're disgusting,” muttered Mikey, before staring stony eyed out of of the windscreen. They spent the rest of the car ride in silence, before pulling into the drive and seeing a teary eyed Alicia waiting at the front door. Mikey rushed to her and held her, wiping away her tears and whispering comforting words in her ear. They walked inside together and shut the door without even glancing at Gerard, leaving him outside in the cold. He stood outside, feeling disconnected from his once loving family. Not even Mikey’s dog, Piglet, swimming round his ankles and barking, when he finally went inside could cheer him up.

In one evening, he had lost everything; his job, his reputation, the respect and trust of his family, the love of his life. He didn’t know if he’d ever even see Frank again if John’s promise had been anything to go by. With a feeling of complete and utter depression and resignation in his stomach, he made his way over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Mikey’s beer, telling himself if his life was in such a mess already, why not fuck it up a little bit more? At least this would be by his own doing. Besides, why should he try and recover from his drinking problems when there was no one to be better for? Mikey and Alicia ignored him the whole night and so he was left alone on the downstairs couch to drink himself into an alcohol induced coma. Mikey and Alicia found him in the morning, an empty bottle of whiskey clutched in his hand and Piglet licking his face, still half asleep but mumbling Frank’s name.

Notes

This chapter is over 4,000 words so I'd love it if you guys could comment!
If I write this the way I think I will, there's just one more chapter left - I'm so sad to see this fic go, I've become so fond of it in the four months I've been writing it.
Twitter: idesofmxrch :)