Disenchanted

The next few days were pretty interesting for both Frank and Gerard. Frank was sort of wandering in the haze of his new medication, sleeping either a lot or not at all and once again he had lost his appetite; yet he was also slightly happier. He knew that it could not possibly be because of the drugs as they would take a few weeks to properly start working. The source of his happiness was Gerard. They now saw each other on Mondays as well on Fridays and Frank was enjoying the extra time he had with the man he could now call his boyfriend. They would talk in therapy as that was its purpose, (although Frank would much rather have preferred to spend their sessions making out with Gerard, he also wanted to get better, for his mom, for Gerard and now for himself), however, the couple could not resist sneaking in a few kisses at the start and end of the sessions and sometimes even during it if Gerard wanted to comfort Frank. They had also migrated to the couch instead of sitting at Gerard's desk and would cuddle whilst they talked. Frank found this much easier than the formal setting they were used to. He felt like he was just speaking casually with his boyfriend instead of being interrogated by the police or something. He felt much more comfortable speaking snuggled into his boyfriend’s chest and he felt as though he was gradually letting some of the poison inside him leak out.

Gerard was also enjoying spending time with his new boyfriend. He was, however, not enjoying sneaking around and keeping secrets from both Lindsey and Frank. Lindsey would come to Gerard’s office every day during her lunch hour and they would eat together. He’d kiss her goodbye and send her off to work, then welcome Frank into his office and into his arms. He hated lying to them both, especially because he cared about them so much but he didn’t know what to do. It was obvious to him that he didn’t feel as strongly about Lindsey as he used to, yet he didn’t want to break it off with her in case it didn’t work out with Frank. He was being selfish and he knew that, he was just trying to take care of himself and his own interests instead of worrying about the people he was going to hurt.

He found being with Frank exciting; it was something new, yet he didn’t know if their relationship would last or not, so staying with Lindsey was like a back-up plan for him. He still loved Lindsey and he couldn’t bring himself to breakup with her. They had been together for a long time; they were engaged for goodness sake. Yet at the moment he felt as though he was just existing with Lindsey, going through the motions with her. It was Frank he was constantly thinking about. He didn’t know if this was just because it was a new relationship but the thought of Frank was running through his mind twenty four seven. He felt disgusted with himself for juggling two relationships at one time. He never, ever thought he would be the person to do something like that. His mind was a mess and he knew he had to figure out what to do sooner rather than later. After all, himself and Lindsey were engaged to be married and although they didn't have a date picked for the wedding, it was only a matter of time before Lindsey suggested one and started to plan her perfect day. The thought of marriage now terrified Gerard, when once it had excited him.

He went through the days waking up next to Lindsey, kissing her goodbye and setting off for work, holding Frank and kissing him whilst wishing he could never stop, then leaving work and crawling back into bed at night with Lindsey again. He was living a lie whilst both Frank and Lindsey survived in blissful ignorance.

Notes

So...Yeah.