Disenchanted

Frank and Gerard continued to hug for a few minutes until they finally let go out each other, immediately feeling the others absence from their arms. Both had the urge to hold each other again but they both knew they needed to leave the room so Gerard could speak to the police officers as well as Frank’s mom and tell them his decision. Gerard smiled down at Frank as he wiped his drying tears with the end of his thumb. Frank smiled up at him, feeling safer than he had done in a long time. With Gerard's kindness and willingness to help, Frank felt a sudden surge of love for the man in front of him. Before he could stop himself he had leaned up slightly on his tip toes and wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck; kissing him softly on his lips. Gerard turned a light shade of pink and Frank laughed quietly, pleased at his reaction. Gerard caught Frank’s eye and smiled at him, leaning down to reach Frank and placing another kiss on his lips. Frank smiled into the kiss as he realised Gerard wanted him just as much as he wanted Gerard. The kiss deepened and Frank could feel Gerard smiling to himself almost as soon as they began to kiss. Frank still had his arms around Gerard’s neck so Gerard slid his arms around Frank’s small waist and pulled him closer to his chest. The kiss went on for a few minutes until they both pulled away at the same time knowing that if they spent much longer in the small interview room someone would get suspicious and come to find them.

Gerard went home that night, exhausted and wishing he could sleep forever. Instead of having the weekend off like he usually would have, he had to see Frank first thing the next morning. He really wasn’t looking forward to forfeiting his usual sleep in but he knew Frank was more important than a few more hours of sleep. He sighed and slipped into bed beside Lindsey. Her arms wrapped around Gerard and she leant over to kiss his neck before quickly falling back to sleep. Gerard snuggled into his fiancée’s embrace and tried to sleep.

Gerard woke early the next morning and rolled over to face his sleeping fiancée. He admired how her long black hair cascaded over her back as she slept, the dark colour of her skin contrasting her pale skin. Gerard envied her peaceful state as she slept, wishing his mind could be calm as Lindsey’s seemed in that moment. Right then he was anything but calm and relaxed, and felt anything but well rested. However this was not due to forgoing a few extra hours of sleep. In reality, Gerard had lain awake for most of the night thinking of his lips touching Frank’s own. He had enjoyed the kiss; in fact he was craving another, but he didn’t need to be told twice that what had happened last night between himself and Frank had been wrong. Gerard had fought with himself the entire night. He was torn between knowing his feelings for Frank were wrong and he was putting them both in an awkward position, and thinking that age was just a number and it shouldn’t matter that they liked each other.

However, Gerard knew that his feelings for Frank would be penalised as soon as anyone found out. He knew that because of his position as Frank’s psychiatrist and the fact that Frank was extremely depressed and suicidal, people would say that he was taking advantage of Frank. There was also the fact that Frank was underage and Gerard was also in a relationship with Lindsey already. Basically, Frank and Gerard’s relationship would have a lot of opposition if it was ever discovered.

Gerard thought about this as he made coffee and got ready for the day. As he sat down at the table to add notes to Frank’s file he couldn’t help but let his mind wander. Although Frank had kissed Gerard first, Gerard still felt as though he was taking advantage of him. He didn’t even know if Frank felt the same. Maybe he was making more of Frank’s actions than Frank had meant? Maybe the kiss Frank had given Gerard was just a kiss of thanks and he hadn’t meant anything by it? Yet as soon as Gerard thought this he shook the thought away, knowing it wasn’t true. From the way Frank had reciprocated Gerard’s kiss and even deepened it, it was obvious that he felt something for Gerard and did not just kiss him to say thanks for helping him out. But even if Frank did like Gerard, there was still the matter of Lindsey.

Gerard downed the rest of his coffee and slumped in his chair in frustration. Up until a month or so ago he had been happily engaged to Lindsey and had never thought of another guy romantically at all. Gerard couldn’t understand where these feelings for Frank had come from and he certainly didn’t know what they meant. Yes Gerard liked Frank, but that didn’t mean he was gay or even bi did it? Maybe he just liked Frank. Maybe Frank was his one exception. That solution made sense to Gerard and he decided to go with that.

But even if he did just like Frank and only Frank there was still the matter of what to do about it. Gerard didn’t even know what Frank wanted. Did he even want a relationship, or did he just want a few kisses here and there for reassurance? Was Frank even gay? Gerard made a mental note to ask him later that day. It would be an awkward conversation to have but it’d have to be done.

What worried Gerard most was the idea that Frank did want a relationship with him. If he did what would happen then? Up until a few months ago Gerard had not even thought of spending the rest of his life with anyone else but Lindsey. But now…Gerard didn’t know but even the fact that he was considering that he may not be with Lindsey forever scared him. If Frank did want a relationship would Gerard be able to leave Lindsey and be with him instead? Gerard honestly didn’t know. His head swam with the possibilities. He felt as if he had betrayed Lindsey by kissing Frank the other day. This made Gerard partly feel like forgetting anything had ever happened between himself and Frank. The other half of him felt excited by the possibilities a relationship with Frank could bring, if there even was going to be one.

Gerard finished writing notes and organised them into piles before stuffing them in his bag. He wrote a quick post it note explaining he was going to work for when Lindsey woke up seeing as he didn’t get a chance to speak to her the night before. He placed it on her bedside cabinet before kissing her forehead and leaving their apartment. Gerard lit up a cigarette as he walked, enjoying the bitter morning air. He reached his building in no time at all and trudged his way up the stairs, quickly reaching his office and finished his cigarette as he waited for Frank, wondering what answers the day would bring.

Gerard wiped the last few tears from Frank’s face and stopped to caress his face gently, feeling so much love for the younger boy in front of him. Now he knew Frank felt the same way, he didn’t have to hide his feelings any longer. It was the best feeling. ‘I suppose we’d better get back out there then.’ Gerard whispered into Frank’s ear, making no effort to hide his reluctance to leave Frank. Frank shivered and nodded silently, the nerves that had subsided coming back with force. Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand comfortingly until Frank smiled. Gerard wished he could go out there holding Frank’s hand the whole time but he knew it’d cause a riot. So instead, he gave Frank one last encouraging look and dropped his hand, pushing the door open for them to exit.

The officers nodded approvingly seeing Frank calmer state and immediately walked over to Gerard to speak to him. Frank took the hint and went to sit back beside his mother. She looked at him worriedly and squeezed his hand. ‘Are you okay, Frankie?’ Frank nodded silently and squeezed his mother’s hand back, however he couldn’t help but wish it as Gerard’s hand holding his and his voice calling him his nickname.

Frank fixed his eyes on Gerard as he spoke to the officers. All seemed calm until Gerard said something and the officers began to argue back, their voices raised. Gerard didn’t raise his voice back; instead he kept his voice calm and began listing things off on his fingers. The officers sighed in exasperation and one broke from the group and walked towards Frank’s mother who had also been watching the exchange. ‘Ms Iero,’ the officer said speaking quietly. ‘I wonder if you could come over here for a minute? We seem to be having a bit of a disagreement and we wanted to know your opinion on the matter.’ Frank’s mom nodded. ‘Of course.’ Her voice sounded strained and exhausted and it was obvious she wanted to leave the station as soon as possible. Frank felt another twinge of guilt, hating what he was doing to his mother. The two walked over to the group and the main officer who seemed to be in charge had barely spoken two words until he was distracted by the site of Frank sitting alone. He pointed to Frank and spoke angrily to the officer who had fetched Frank’s mother. The officer blushed red, embarrassed, and within seconds he was sat beside Frank keeping an eye on him.

The two didn’t speak, instead preferring to watch as the officers, Gerard and Linda spoke. It was pretty obvious what was going on and it left Frank feeling terrified. It didn’t look like the police believed Frank should be released back into the community and Gerard was trying to make them change their minds. Frank’s heart swelled with thankfulness as he watched Gerard fight for his cause. After a few more minutes the group seemed to have reached a conclusion. They spoke for a few more minutes until Gerard and Linda broke away from the crowd and walked back towards Frank. The officer who had been watching Frank was summoned, leaving the three to speak alone.

Frank shot up from his seat immediately. ‘Well?’ he asked, terrified of hearing Gerard’s next few words, yet also wanting to hear what he had to say as soon as possible.
‘They decided you can leave. It took a lot of persuasion but they trust my opinion considering I’ve got a pretty good reputation in my field as well as the fact that I’ve been your psychiatrist for about two months now.’
Frank nodded, hoping they could leave now.
‘But,’ Gerard continued. ‘There are a few conditions.’ Frank’s heart sank. ‘…Go on.’
‘You have to come to therapy at least twice a week now instead of once, more if you seem to get worse. And if you ever try something like this again, then that’s it. They’ll take you to Belleville Psych no matter what. It doesn’t matter what I say, what you say, what your mom says. They have all the power and frankly, I agree with that. This is your last chance. I hope you understand that Frank.’ Frank nodded, his heart sinking. The idea that everything was basically being taken out of his hands terrified him.
‘I want you to come to my office tomorrow for an emergency appointment.We need to talk about happened tonight and I also want to change the medication you’re on right now as well; it obviously doesn’t seem to be working for you. I’ll sort that out for you tomorrow. You have the weekend but after that I recommend you don’t go into school this coming week. This time the school will have to know.’ Gerard continued, ignoring the horrified look on Frank’s face. ‘I know you hate the idea Frank but these are part of the conditions we had to agree to so you’d be allowed home. These things have to be done. Also, we might look into some family therapy in the future, we’ll see how things go…That’s basically it. I’ll see you at my office tomorrow at eleven, alright Frank?’ Frank nodded, hating Gerard’s brisk professional side. He wished Gerard could just hold him and not pressure him for answers. He was sure that would be much more effective than therapy or any other the other crap that came with it.

‘Ok, good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.’ Gerard said to Frank before turning towards his mother and giving her a quick hug. Frank watched as Gerard spoke some words of encouragement in Linda’s ear and she spoke her thanks back; often forgetting they were friends as well as work colleagues. Before Gerard turned and walked out of the police station he gave Frank a quick squeeze on his arm reminding him that although he had to be professional around others he cared about him far more than he was allowed to let on.

Notes

Have another chapter cause I'm so nice (and also cause I'm going out with my friends tomorrow so I won't be in to write)