You're someone you're not

"Fuck" I heard Frank groan in the edge of my consciousness. I opened my eyes a little. Frank was sitting on the edge of the bed only wearing skull sweat pants. He looked tense all the muscles in his back tight as he hunched over holding a phone to his ear. I watched his body go stiff as he groaned again, clearly not in pleasure.
I leaned over and wrapped my arms around his waist pressing small kissing on his back hoping to calm him down a little. He turned to me his face and body softening. His lips pulled up his eyes glimmering with that look that I never understood. I think I understand it now, the emotion on Frank's face was love. As cheesy as it sounds it's the only thing it could be. My heart melted.
Suddendly Frank's face contorted his eyebrows scruntching and lips turning down. I pushed my lips against his shoulder. He let out a small sigh.
"Yeah. Alright." He answered to whoever was on the phone stifly and hung up. He visibly deflated as his flug his phone on the nightstand.
"What was that?" I asked my voice sounding scratching. Frank looked at me again in amusment grinning.
"Oh nothing. Nothing important anyways," He turned toward me cupping my face in his hands kissing me softly, his lips barely even brushing mine. I just held his waist looking up at the beautiful boy in front of me. We weren't kissing so much as breathing eachother in. It was so intamite and intense I could barely keep up.
"So," Frank said rolling away unexpectably. I pouted he shot be a cheeky grin. Fuckin tease, "What do you want to do today?"
I thought for a moment. There were so many things we could do but all a really wanted to do was hang around with Frank all day.
"We should have a tim burton movie marathon!" I said excitedly.
"What an-" Frank pecked me on the lips, "Excellent idea, my love," I blushed at the last bit. Frank winked standing up and going to one of his shelves and pulled out some dvds. We sat there for a while talking about which movies we should watch first. I wanted to see nightmare before christmas first and he wanted it last.
"Best for last," He whined. I pouted.
"But I wanna noooowww," Frank wrinkled his nose at me but put the dvd in the tv. I jumped up and down on the bed like a five year old. Frank laughed and jumped up next to me where I caught him with open arms. I kissed him on the cheek as the movie started. Just me and Frank snuggled up singing this is halloween his body between my legs my arms wrapped around him. I could stay like this forever.
But of course I had to get an idea.
"Hey Frankie?" I hummed into his ear as jack walked around the pumpkin patch.
"Hmm?" His eyes momentarily fluttered up from the screen to me. His golden eyes glittered but his lips stayed pursed.
"Can I sketch you?" I asked my eyes darting away embarrassed. Maybe it was a lame idea.
"Oh my god would you?" Frank practically pounced on me. I take that back Frank pounced on me grinning, " I kinda wanted to ask you but I didn't want to seem pushy. You're such a good artist..." He trailed off seeing the amused look on my face. He was so cute, "You know what I'm going to shut up and kiss you now,"
So with that Frank leaned in and pressed his lips against mine kissing me sloppily. It was all tongues and teeth and hands and hair. Frank was sitting on top of me his knees on either side of my hips grinding down on me roughly. My hands were tangled in his messy brown hair pulling him to my hungry lips. He bit my lip so hard I swore I could taste blood in my mouth. I growled from the back of my throat and pulled away.
"As much as I love what's happening right now," I started tentatively whispering into Frank's ear, " if we don't stop right now I won't be able to draw you,"
I mean I probably could I would just be very tired and dazed and horny.
Frank pulled me in for a kiss. Eh I can draw him another time. My tongue slid across his lower lip and he pulled away. U G H
"Draw me like one of your french girls," Frank said in a faux seductive voice. I raised my eyebrows.
"Really?" My voice was high like a pre-pubescent boy. My heart pounded in my chest.
"No," Frank laughed kissing me again, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and sucking it into my mouth. It turned me on to no end. And it didn't help that Frank's hand was running up, ever so lightly, my thigh. Right before his fingertips hit the growing bulge in my(Frank's) pajama pants he stopped and pulled away. I closed my eyes suppressing a moan as Frank's teeth scraped along my lip letting go with an audible pop.
"Now hop to it soldier" Frank said cheerliy and squeezed my ass. I groaned rolling my eyes and getting up.
"Tease," I grumbled as Frank looked back at the movie. Clearly that didn't effect him as much as it did for me I thought as I shifted my semi-hard uncomfortably in my loose pants. Frank looked over just in time to watch me do so. I flushed. Frank didn't look up at me just smirked and turned towards the tv.
"Uh where can I find a pencil and a notebook?" I asked after I had successfully calmed myself down.
"First drawer in the desk and the blue sketch book should have some blank pages," He murmured not looking at me. I guess christmas land was more interesting. I don't blame him.
I opened up the drawer. It was packed full of pen, pencils, markers. There were torn off pieces of paper with political cartoons on them or drawing of monsters with blood and inchor dripping from their teeth and claws. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a napkin with a phone number and name on it. My heart sank as I spied two more.
I swallowed my hurt and grabbed a sharpened pencil and the only blue note book in the drawer. It had the letters 'XO' across it with a line slashed through the 'O'. I flipped the cover seeing the ridges caused by Frank pushing down hard when he wrote them. As I flipped through the sketchbook looking for a blank page I couldn't help but notice the writing. They were songs. Angry songs.
I've tried for so long was written across one page. Over and over and over again.
I wanna die, wanna die, wanna die, alright? took up another page.
At this point I could feel a sheen of sweat form on my forehead. Frank wants to die? My Frankie wants to die? I rapidly flipped through the pages not caring if he caught me snooping. More drawings full of blood and gore surrounded by lyrics and mantras full of the same. Monsters with a song about hiding from them. Sketches of columbine and a song about a school masscare. Pages slashed to shit. The word LeATHERMOUTH written on almost every page.
I robotically made my way back to the bed unable to look Frank in the eye as I sat down.
"Frank this is some dark shit," I mumbled sounding calmer than I felt. I was on a page that was actually a clear legible song stanzas and everything. I let my eyes run down it in fear.

This is for the kids who ain't got no soul Never think twice, got nowhere to go This is for the pills that never fucking work But it's hard to see blood on a black t-shirt They'll never understand Cause they were understood An open minded fake In a bright white coat Tell me what you wanna know About my bleeding fucking heart I'll pass all your tests Cause I've learned to lie from the best Life is a fight
Life is a fight
Life is a fight
Life is a fight This is for the kids who ain't got no soul Never think twice, got nowhere to go This is for the pills that never fucking work But it's hard to see blood on a black t-shirt
They never really listen Cause they never fucking cared The way I feel inside They could never fucking hear All they wanna know about Is your insurance card The pain I've kept inside Just made me fucking strong Life is a fight
Life is a fight
Life is a fight
Life is a fight fight fight I never found a place I felt I fit I never met someone who gave a shit But I believe in what we fucking got And now's our chance to set it off I never found a place I felt I fit I never met someone who gave a shit Let's take a stand against feeling lost This is our chance to set it off You'll never take me alive Because we're already dead You'll never take me alive
Because we're already dead inside

"Oh yeah you must be a little freaked," Frank said rubbing the back of his neck. I still wasn't able to look him in the eye.
"Nah..." I started then sighed, " Yeah a little actually. Do you really want to, uh, kill yourself?"
I let my head drop sadly.
"What? No baby! Not right now not when I'm with the person I love. I went through a rough time and I used this to vent. I'd never actually kill my dad or blow up a school I just needed to get it out of my system, yknow?" Frank said wrapping his arms around me and kssing my cheek lightly. I looked him in the eye and gave him a weak smile. I thought about all over my own songs in my notebooks at home. I wrote about similar things maybe not as forthwright as Frank did but suicide murder monsters all of that stuff had cameos in my songs.
"Yeah I get it. Just if you are ever feeling bad you know you can talk to me right? Always even if we brake up or don't hangout anymore or whatever," I said in all seriousness. Frank smiled and nodded.
"So for this drawing thing do you need to pose me or something?" Frank asked changing the topic. He made some over the top poses for me as I laughed.
"No. No just watch the fucking movie and let me do my work," Frank grinned pecked me on the lips and turned once again to the film beauty that is the nightmare before christmas.

Notes

So the songs used in this chapter (in order of appearance) are 'your friends are full of shit' 'my love note has gone flat' and 'sunsets are for muggings' all by LeATHERMOUTH just incase you were wondering. LeATHERMOUTH is fantastic and I feel slightly unappreciated. I remeber when frank preformed sunsets at his show in march and that was the first time I touched him (His arm) I was so proud. Me and my friend were spit on it was awesome.

anywho I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while I'm just a lazy ass motherfucker.
I've got some plans for the future tho...
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