The Truth Hurts Sometimes

I awoke to a loud noise coming from outside. I got out of my bunk and went to see what was happening. Gerard, Mikey and Ray were sitting on the couch drinking coffee. They looked up at me smiling, apart from Gerard who avoids making eye contact.

“Good morning Frank. I see you slept in your clothes last night.” Ray said laughing.
“Yeah,” I looked down at my clothes, then at him. “I meant to change but couldn’t be fucked. You hear that loud noise?”

Before he could answer our bus driver came it. He looked like he had bad news, and he did.

“Sorry guys. Something’s wrong with the engine so we can’t go anywhere for a while. You’ll need to get your stuff and walk down to that motel until the bus is fixed which could take a few days as we need to collect a new part from the factory. You have half an hour.” He left.

The bus is broken, great. Now we wouldn’t be home for a few days. We would have done our last show in LA but we had to do another Mexico tour. The fans were upset how we only did three shows there so we said we’d come back. It was good but we didn’t film it like we did on the Black Parade tour.

I got some coffee and sat with the others. Gerard didn’t say a word or look at me, that meant something was wrong, really wrong. Could what I said to him last night make him feel uncomfortable? Well really it shouldn’t do but I didn’t think it would be that bad. Surely he knew I loved him, it was hard not to see that from the way I would look at him.

After I finished my coffee I went to pack my stuff. Didn’t bother with breakfast, I was gonna have a big lunch anyway. I don’t like staying in motels, to be perfectly honest. They freak me out, well, the people there do, and it’s normally full of drag addicts and hookers, who aren’t pleasant at all. At least I’ll be able to have more time to talk to Gerard before we get home. I didn’t want someone to find out in LA so they can put it all over the news.

Gerard’s P.O.V

Frank went to pack his stuff. I didn’t want to say anything about what happened last night with the others around. Couldn’t let them find out, it would be weird for them, I even find it weird. I didn’t think I was gay, well, bisexual. You don’t tend to think that when you have a wife and a kid. Frank even has kids now so I don’t understand why he didn’t bring it up before we got married.

I mean, why didn’t he bring this up when I thought I was gay? I was always kissing guys during our second album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. Everyone knew I had an attraction to men, didn’t they? Why didn’t he tell me that he really loved me? Yeah there’s saying ‘love you’ but it doesn’t mean anything without the ‘I’.

With all these questions whizzing around my head it’s too hard to think about it anymore. I decided to get up and pack my clothes. When I got to my bunk Frank was there, he had just finished. He walked past me and I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t, not while my head was spinning. I quickly packed my stuff and it was time to go to the motel.

We all left and a cab took us to the motel. We all went to put our stuff in our individual rooms, which stank of shit! And now I have to sleep here instead of my nice, warm and clean bunk. We left and went to a nearby town. We had crossed the border at night so now we were in America, so everyone spoke English. I quickly went to Starbucks to get some more coffee, I needed a coffee.

Frank’s P.O.V

Gerard went to get another coffee so that meant I had to wait to talk to him. I didn’t fancy a coffee right now so I didn’t go with him. We all went to different places and I went to a shop to get some food.

I went on walking and found a park. I went straight to the swings, as you do. There were no children here so it was quite. The people that were here were bunking school or taking drugs, maybe even both. I sat on the swing and started going back and forth.

Some guy came up to me and asked if I had a lighter, I checked my pockets and found one. I passed it to him; he lit his fag and gave it back. He said thanks and walked off. I hate it when people do that, walking up to and asking for your lighter. If they really wanted to smoke they’d have their own fucking lighter.

Anyway, I thought long and hard about what I was going to say to Gerard. I didn’t want to say something that would freak him out, like when I jerked of to a picture of him. I would freak out if someone said that to me, no doubt some fan already has.

I would tell him how I came to realise I loved him. A kid came up to me one day, he was a fan and he was gay, he said how it didn’t matter what others thought of him, about him being different. I think the reason why I didn’t tell Gee sooner was because I was afraid of what others would think. I shouldn’t have thought that because if I didn’t, Gerard and I would be together now. Not that I don’t love Jamia anymore it’s just that I’ve loved Gee for longer and I wanted to be with him, even now.

Because I had slept in most of the day was already gone. Its 8:35pm now so it was already starting to get dark. A bunch of guys started walking towards me; I didn’t like this so I got up to leave. I started walking away and one of them shouted:

“Oi you, where you going?” I started to run. I wasn’t fast but I wanted to get away. There was something about them that didn’t seem right.

I heard them start to run after me and I tried to run faster but because my legs are so short they caught up quickly. One of them pushed me onto the floor and was on top of me. The others went in a circle around me and started to kick me, hard. They stopped and shouted at me.

“GIVE US YOUR FUCKING MONEY NOW!” I did what they said. They kicked me again before running off.

I sat up and rubbed my ribs, they hurt a lot. I wonder if Gerard is having a shit time as well.

Notes