bulletproof hearts

I'm still bleeding. those cunts. I may as well bleed some more. why the fuck not?
bringing the knife up. press. drag. FUCK! harder! repeat. come on Gerard, don't be a pussy. up. press. drag.
what am I doing? why am I doing this? sat in a tree, bleeding from the carving my 'father' gave me FAGGOT. these bruises.
mikey you little shit. why would you do this to me?! this is what happened.
I woke up this morning, and I went over to my desk. the odd thing was, I knew something was missing, but I couldn't tell what it was. I started sketching and doodling, weekends, god how I love them. so anyway. I was beginning to get thirsty for my morning coffee fix and just as I was about to go upstairs to the kitchen to put on that blessed kettle, my door flies open. I stumbled backwards in shock. I saw mikey first. probably because he was holding my diary. my neon yellow diary. the one with my biggest, darkest fucking secret. he was waving it around and grinning. he was grinning. so that's when I noticed my dad. red in the face, blue in the lips. eyes, rolling around like they could fall out at any point.... and then, he opened his mouth.
"is it true? well it must be true, if its written in your fucking Gay lord diary."
in that moment, I knew he knew. my biggest, best kept secret. the one that I had tried and tried to cover up, with drink and anti-depressants.
" let him have it dad, tell him what we know. make him pay for it."
I will never forgive mikey for this. never, because what came next, was the most horrific thing that could ever happen...
"faggot, faggot, LOOK AT ME!"
I had tried to look away and cover my face but in one movement, he was there. gripping my arms, making my wrists sting.
"dad, ow, don't. fuck- get off-"
I tried my hardest to get away but he backed me into my desk. one of my 'secret' vodka bottles was there.
"I'm gonna kill you dick munch. ill fucking kill you."
he spat in my face and picked up the bottle, fast enough for me not to be able to grab it first.
he raised it up.
"please don't.... dad please..."
I don't remember what happened after that but im pretty sure that I didn't finish my sentence.
i hered mikey gasp. i heard the laugh. that. evil. fucking laugh.
......................................................
and i woke up on my floor.
my blood. on the floor. all over the fucking floor, and i had no idea why. i was laying in a puddle of my blood.
i sat up and a stab of pain took over my whole body. my brain was screaming at me. as I looked down, I realized my shirt was ripped and I had blood on that too. pressing my hands to my stomach, the pain got worse.
i looked down at my hands. and saw they were crimson. that's when i saw the broken glass bottle. also painted red.
i breathed in, and i saw the reason. FAGGOT carved into my skin. not too deep, but deep enough.
....... and that's when i ran. i grabbed a shirt, and ran like crazy. and that's how i got here, up a tree, crying cutting and... wait. I'm not crying?
what the fu... OH SWEET MOTHER OF COFFEE.
there is someone sitting under my tree. and he is cutting. about 17? i may be being a hypocrite but I'm not having that. I'm going to rescue him, and i want to help him, and maybe this can be my new beginning? i don't know. but what i do know is, this guy has just sat under the right tree. and I'm about to change his life....
I'm going to help this boy...
i position myself, ready to drop from the tree.
careful now. don't knock him out Gerard...
steady now...

Notes

ill try and post again soon