Struggling with more Ways than one

~Fletcher's POV~
"Cmon fletcher." Gerard grabs me by the wrist and I yelp, when we get outside the petstore he apologizes. He drives home angrily, clutching the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white.
I've had enough of this, he isn't my father so he needs to stop acting like it. He can't control me and he needs to get that memo. As soon as we pull into the driveway I storm out of the car and run to the house.
"Fletcher!" Gerard yells after me, I keep running; honestly I couldn't give a damn. I slam his bedroom door shut knowing it wont be for long. Gerard storms into the room and I sit with my arms around my legs not wanting to talk.
"Yknow when someone shouts your name youre supposed to stop." he says out of breath.
"Supposed to," I mutter and roll my eyes.
"What the hell fletcher?" he says angrily as he folds his arms.
"I could ask the same exact thing to you." I seethe as I furrow my brow and glare at him. He flings his arms into the air and sits at his desk chair.
"What the hell has gotten into you?!" he demands.
"Other than your dick the other day, nothing." I scoff.
"Touche." he glares at me. I smirk knowing I've put him at a loss for words. "But you know what I mean so tell me.. please." I stare into his hazel eyes, theyre full of hurt and reject. That almost breaks me but I need to stay strong. He tries to reach out to touh me but I turn away, tears in my eyes.
"Look, babe, if it's about the thing at the pet store- I'm -im sorry- I just didn't want-"
"What? For me to make friends? Because I'm already not efficient at that alone? If so thanks a lot, really worked your charm there." I spit venomously. I turn back to see his sullen face, hurt by my words, spoken from the mouth of his beloved.
"I was just trying to protect you-" his voice cracks and I see tears brimming over, "I didn't want you getting hurt-I I've seen you at your lowest point Fletcher, it made me die inside. I never want to see you like that again because if I were too I don't think moving on would ever be a possibility for me."
"Just stop controlling me." I cry.
"I'm not controlling you."
"Yes, you are."
"No I'm not."
"STOP CONTROLLING ME!" I scream.
"I'm not trying to!" He yells back now standing up. I grab a pillow and bury my face in it. Gerard sits on his bed and wraps hs hands around my waist.
"Please don't touch me." I mumble. Gerard's reluctant at first but then he does remove his extremities from around me. He sits next to me for a while before singing.
"If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say, I never want to let you down or have you go it's better off this way....," he sniffles before muttering. "I'm not okay." He gets up off the bed and I hear him open a bottle and pour a drink. I hear him refill after refill after refill. I try to shake away to oncoming flashback but it succumbs me.
~Flash back~
I sit at the end of the kitchen table, my father at the other end. I was in time out for tipping over the fishbowl. I had already sat on the steps but now it was time for me to learn from my mistakes.
"Mommy and daddy never wanted you." my father says.
I bite my cheek.
"Why?" I ask.
"You were a mistake, I wanted to leave you at the hospital but your mother wouldn't let me." he grimaces.
"I'm glad mommy brought me home." I sniffle.
"Ive never been and never will be. Fletcher you are a mistake. You will live your life unhappy, unloved, and unwanted." He cackles as I burst into tears.
~ End flashback~
I sob into the pillows and flinch when I feel a hand around me.
"Baby?" Gerard slurs.
"ITS TRUE!" I cry and leap from his bed and into the bathroom. I know I promised Gerard I wouldn't but I have to. I just have to. I take my spare lade from my pants pocket and dig it into my forearm.
Unhappy.
I cut deeper.
Unloved.
Deeper.
Unwated.
Deepest.
Blood spews from my arm and coats the floor. I silently sob into the floormat until I hear small footsteps nearing me. A figure slides open the door and gasps when they see me, it's Mikey. I begin to sob loudly and he consoles me. He puts a hand around my mouth and uses his other to rub small circles on my back. Eventually I calm down enough and he inspects me for more wounds before cleaning up the visible one. When he asks me if they're anymore I shake my head and he gets to work on my wrist. He goes to the medicine cabinet and pulls out wound solution cotton balls a rag and gauze. He wipes away the blood and then puts some of the solution on the cotton balls and hands me some unused ones to put in my mouth.
"This is going to hurt but try not to scream." I nod and clench down when the liquid comes in contact with my open sore. When he's finished he smiles at me.
"It's all going to be okay." I shake my head but he nods and then checks if the coast is clear. He ushers me out of the room and into his. I find frank sitting there and I collapse into his outstretched arms, I tell him everything. I let everything go and when I'm finished Mikey joins us. Throughout all of this one thought echoed in my mind.
We'll carry on.

Notes