Life is but a Dream for the Dead

Frank couldn't remember the last time he'd actually [i]enjoyed[/i] sex. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually [i]had[/i] sex that he'd been willing to participate in. Being a hooker changed everything about being intimate with anyone. Sex lost its value and sentiment and became nothing but an income for Frank. He used to think that sex could never have any meaning or be special, but Gerard had proved him wrong. He knew last night hadn't exactly happened for the right reasons, but it had been different from every other time. The way Gerard treated him amazed him, making him think maybe, just after all, he meant something other than a quick fuck. Sure, Gerard had been possessive and had gone to extreme lengths to make last night happen, but Frank still felt somewhere inside of him that Gerard maybe cared more than he let anyone else see. "Morning," Gerard sighed softly into the back of Frank's neck, his breath tickling. Frank bit his lip to stop the smile, but Gerard couldn't see him anyway. The older man was wrapped around Frank's back, spooning him. Frank had never felt more uncertain about whether he felt safe or not in those arms, but for now he just enjoyed the warmth and comfort of another body. "Hey," Frank croaked, running his hands through his hair and twisting in Gerard's arms slightly so that he could look at him. Gerard's face remained blank and expressionless, even after Frank offered a tiny, shy smile. He just played with Frank's hair, his face a stony mask. "Gerard?" Frank asked, wincing. "What's wrong?" Gerard shook his head, refusing to meet Frank's eyes, but still twisting Frank's hair between his fingers. "Nothing. Don't worry about it." Frank was about to ask again, but he held his tongue, deciding it was probably best to keep his nose out of Gerard's business. Gerard leant forwards placed a kiss on Frank's forehead before sitting up and stretching. Frank watched him sadly, wondering what he'd done wrong and why Gerard wasn't talking to him, but then he reminded himself that Gerard was probably going to drop him like a hot brick now that he'd gotten what he wanted. Frank tried to swallow the lump in his throat. What else did he expect? A romantic relationship where he and Gerard walked in to the sunset, hand in hand? Frank cursed himself for letting this happen. What had the point of building up all those barriers been if he was just going to easily let someone in? Frank had learnt not the expect anything from life anymore, because all it did was turn round and spit in your face, laugh as it walked away and yell [i]fuck you[/i] over its shoulder. Love was for children. It didn't exist, not anymore than empathy and understanding did. It was a prison after all. It's not as if last night meant anything. **************************
Gerard could see how hurt Frank was and he was hurting too. It was killing him, but it was what Frank had wanted. [i]I... just tonight Gerard[/i] Just one night. That's all Frank had allowed him, and for now he was going to respect that. When they were both out of here, however, things would different. Frank would have no choice but to turn to Gerard in the end. He had nowhere else to go. He should have ended things differently with Frank, but it had been better for the both of them to just end it straight away. If he'd acted differently towards Frank, it would have made it even more painful to be around him. So he acted like Frank wasn't there. He left Frank alone and left him to his own devices. He didn't bother him and he only spoke to him when he was so bored he was forced to or if it was absolutely necessary. In secret, he was making sure Frank was left alone by the other inmates too. A couple of death threats had to be given out to some prisoners, and the number of inmates who had latched on to Gerard were looking out for Frank too. They knew a good thing when they saw it, and nobody dared to touch Gerard, which meant if your were associated with him, you were untouchable too. Frank was vulnerable now and Gerard didn't want anything to happen to him before he had the chance to get him out of jail. The other inmates didn't even look at Frank anymore, not now that he was Gerard's. With Callum, they'd make fun of him, try and grab him sometimes, but now it was as if he didn't exist. Gerard just wanted to keep him all to himself. Even though he was treating Frank like he wanted nothing to do with him, he was making sure Frank was still his. [i]two weeks later...[/i] "Gerard?" Frank called out in the dark of the cell, picking with his inked fingers at the blanket. "Mmm?" "Are... Are you really leaving tomorrow?" Frank whispered, sounding scared. "Yeah. I told you I was getting out Frankie," Gard replied. It was the first time he'd called him Frankie in weeks. "I... Oh. So it all worked out then?" Frank asked sadly. "Yeah." "I guess it's just going to be me on my own again then," Frank mumbled, biting back the tears. "Only for a while Frankie," Gerard said softly, the bunk bed creaking above Frank. "I told you. I'm getting you out as soon as I can." "You can't. There's no way I could ever get out." "Don't worry about it Frank. Just back to sleep," Gerard told him softly after a minute of silence. Frank just buried his face into his pillow and slipped into his usual nightly dream, a mix of blood, knives and Ethan. This time Gerard wasn't there to save him. When morning came round, Frank found the cell empty and cold. He slowly got up and looked around the cell, feeling more alone than he had ever felt in his entire life. All of Gerard's things were gone. His sketchpads, his half empty packs of cigarettes, his clothes, his soap, the sheets off of his bed, his books, the old newspapers he'd left lying round, even his fucking tooth brush. It was as if he'd never even been here, as if Frank had just spent the past three months alone.
Except.... [i]Frank, I know you don't believe I can get you out of here and there's no way I can prove it to you until you actually leave. But I promise, I have the best people working on it as you're reading this. I told you I wasn't going to leave you behind Frank, and I meant it.
I'll be waiting for you when they let you go and I'll help you in every way possible. It's your choice of course which way you go, but there will always be a place for you with me if you ever change your mind. I know you don't have anywhere to go Frank, which is why I want you to know I'll always be there. I've arranged an account to be set up for you with enough money to last you for about a year and there's an apartment waiting for you when you get out. You don't have to worry about anything Frank, I've made sure you'll be OK. No one will give you any trouble whilst you're still in prison, and if they do, I'll know about it.
I'll see you soon Frankie. Hang in there. G xo[/i] Frank didn't know whether to cry or smile or screw the paper up into a ball and throw it away, so he settled on slipping the paper under his pillow and walking out to the canteen, hard faced as ever. [i]Hang in there[/i].

Notes