Gerard's POV

I didn't know where I was when I woke. My comedown had hit after half an hour of walking on air, and it had hit me hard, but that was nothing in comparison to this. I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to die, and I knew that the sinking feeling in my chest wasn't going to go away this time. I'd fucked it up. I'd fucked everything up.
'Gee?' Frank's voice was gentle. I felt him squeeze my hand softly. 'Gee, please wake up. Please, baby.' I heard his voice crack, like he was on the verge of tears. I noticed I was warm, tucked into an unfamiliar bed.
'C'mon Gerard..don't die, please wake up...' The voice of my brother trailed off into tears.
'Shh. He'll be okay. He's a fighter.' Ray comforted Mikey, using the same soothing sounds that Frank used with me when I was upset.
'I've got to get off..gotta speak to Eyeball I guess.' Matt's voice was devoid of emotion, which was so unusual for him.
Ray spoke. 'We'll come with you. We're going to have to postpone Bullets.' He sighed. 'I really thought this was gonna work, but I'd rather have him healthy than anything.' I heard Matt, Mikey and Ray pat Frank on the back, murmur words of encouragement to him, before leaving the room.
He squeezed my hand as tight as he dared. My eyes were still closed; I didn't want to open them ever again. He spoke in the hoarse voice of someone who had been crying for so long, that he had not tears left to cry.
'When I saw you in that alley Gee, I was terrified that I'd lost you. We found the drugs. Why would you do that?' His voice was hollow.
'Why do you not understand that I love you? You don't need to escape from yourself. I love you. You're perfect to me. All your imperfections, your depressions, it makes you you. Please understand that I'm not mad. I'm disappointed that my love is unrequited. I've loved you since we met.' He was getting choked up again, so he stopped talking. I let my eyes flutter open.
'Gerard?' I heard the hope in his voice. I sat up, shaking, trembling. He sat on the bed next to me. It was his bed. He held me tight, close to him.
'I wanna die, Frank.' I sounded definite.
'Shh, Gee. C'mon.' He lay me down, and propped himself up next to me. I felt so damned broken, like my insides were made of glass and I'd shattered into sharp shards. I couldn't speak.
'Now, you obviously don't love me, Gerard. But it's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I promise.'
'I do love you.'
He shook his head, sadly. 'No you don't.'
I looked up, right into those eyes, deep pools of sadness.
'I love you more than I love myself. I want you, and I want to be with you. I don't care that I can't stand myself, when I have you. When I kiss you, I feel the peace I only get in the early morning. Frank Iero, you are the only thing that can tame my storm.'
And with that, he kissed me. I kissed him back with as much passion as I could muster, putting my hand at the base of his neck, pulling him in to me. I fell back from him, weary.
'Go to sleep' he whispered. 'I'll be here.'

Notes

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