Memories

I took Lindsey's hand hesitantly and shook it, giving her a quiet, "hi" before glancing a confused look at Gerard. He shrugged slightly and cleared his throat.

"Uh, Lindsey just turned up now, I completely forgot she was visiting." Gerard seemed uneasy and slightly embarrassed. Lindsey turned to face him, a humoured expression on her face.

"Oh, Gerard, how could you forget? You told me you couldn't wait for me to meet F-"

"Okay, okay," Gerard cut in, looking redder than before. "Wanna go sit in my room?"

"Nah, I wanna stay and get to know Frankie," she told him, glancing at me and winking.

Again, flashback. I fidgeted slightly, the guilt of being such an oblivious child beginning to eat away at me. Yet, Gerard just seemed to nod at her. "Sure, okay." He gave me a reassuring smile and I returned it, sitting down as Lindsey signalled me to sit next to her.

It was kind of strange, having a conversation with someone I'd just met. Especially when she would touch my shoulder or playfully ruffle my hair. She was a very forward person; I admired that, and I could see why Gerard was friends with her.

They were both extremely sympathetic and caring, and they tried to be as understanding as they could. It was almost as though they shared personalities, which was weird, yet oddly comforting. I already felt like I could trust her with my life- almost as much as I knew I could trust Gerard with my whole world.

I think her forwardness was what made me feel so comfortable. She was open with her personality, and I began to open up too. Gerard was sat beside me and opposite Lindsey, smiling. He seemed happy that we were getting along, and he also seemed relieved in a way. He was a lot more relaxed than he was when Lindsey and I had both just met. He was beginning to confuse me with his random mood changes.

"Gerard didn't even know if you'd remember him," Lindsey told me, laughing slightly. "He knew you were still living in this area because of Mikey-"

"Alright, Linds, that's enough." Gerard stopped her by playfully putting his hand over her mouth and shushing her. She made a few protesting noises but calmed down and pushed his hand away, pretending to gag at the taste of his hand. "Let's get off the topic of my embarrassing mopey moments and do something productive." Gerard smirked shyly at me and I grinned back, while Lindsey glanced between the two of us.

"You guys are so cute-"

"They are, aren't they." Mikey's voice sounded from the kitchen door and I spun around on my chair to see him, also falling off it in the process. I landed with a thud on the floor, my butt smashing off the kitchen tiles.

"Shit," I laughed, glancing up at Mikey. Lindsey and Gerard both peered over the table at me, and Mikey, who was laughing his ass off, almost fell down beside me.

"Dude- are you alright?" Mikey managed to ask between breaths as Gerard helped me up by the hand. He obviously hadn't planned for how light I was. He pulled me up a little too forcefully, causing me to stumble forward into his chest. It took me a while to register what had happened, and I glanced up at a now slightly flustered looking Gerard.

"Now, kiss," I heard Lindsey whisper to Mikey, who snickered at the comment.

"Fuck off," I muttered, playfully glaring at them. Lindsey and Mikey both placed their hands over their mouths to stifle their laugher and tried to look serious. Neither succeeded with that.

"Sorry," she muttered, nudging Mikey in the side.

"Sorry," he repeated, and they smirked at each other whilst me and Gerard both stepped slightly apart and brushed ourselves off.

After a few minutes, Donna came into the kitchen with a phone, telling me it was my mom.
"Frank, could you come home please?" She spoke quietly, almost as though she had bad news, and that worried me slightly.

"Why-" I started, but she cut me off.

"I need to talk to you."

"But-"

"Frank! Please, come home!"

I flinched. Gerard shot me a concerned look when I jumped, but I looked away. It was the first time my mom had spoken to me like that. She never raised her voice.

"Actually, stay there. I'll come pick you up." I heard the click as she hung up the phone and I stayed frozen, my hand the only thing moving as it shook.

"Is everything okay?" Donna asked, concern lathering her words. I shook my head slightly, giving no verbal reply.

I saw Lindsey whisper something to Gerard, to which he shrugged her off, not taking his eyes off me. Mikey's eyes were widened, and his glasses had fallen slightly off his nose. Donna tried to look reassuring.

"You guys heard that?" I guessed by their reactions. They all seemed to avoid meeting my eyes now. "I figured," I muttered, my voice breaking a little. "She's on her way, I'll get my stuff."

I made my way upstairs as everyone watched, trying not to make it so obvious and failing. Grabbing my school bag and jacket from Mikey's room and going back on myself down the stairs, I waited slightly impatiently by the front door, adjusting my skeleton gloves I'd just put on every now and again.

When I heard my mom beep in the car, I turned to face the kitchen where they were all sat around talking. I waved slightly to them and they all returned, reassuring smiles on their faces. Internally, I rolled my eyes. I opened the front door and stepped out into the cooling August air, shivering before walking across the drive and climbing into the car.

My mom didn't talk to me the whole way home. She had a strange expression on her face- one I I'd only seen once before. It was sadness, disgust, anger, and dispair all mixed into one, and my heart started beating faster. My palms became sweaty and I had to take my gloves off.
"It's about him, isn't it," I stated, and she froze slightly.

"Frank, leave it until we get home." Her grip on the steering wheel visibly tightened.

"No, I want to know. It's about him, I know it. Is the trial over-"

"Frank!" My mom raised her voice for the second time in an hour, causing me to flinch once again. I spoke quieter now, trying to sound convincing.

"Just give me an answer, yes or no. That's all I need until we get home."

She relaxed slightly, her grip on the steering wheel loosening, and she breathed a heavy sigh, before nodded slowly. "Yes," she told me, and I felt a wave of nausia and confusion take over me. I nodded too, then turned my attention to the window.

We arrived back home and I climbed straight out of the car, heading to the house. I sat on the couch, waiting for my mom to follow me in and tell me exactly what had happened. She entered the room slowly, placing her bag on the table and sitting down next to me. She placed a hand on my knee, hesitantly looking up to meet my eyes.

"Frank," she started, and I swallowed sharply, then I nodded. "Your...father-"

"He's not my father," I interrupted sharply, grinding my teeth. "That man is nothing to me anymore."

She apologised, and then carried on. "Sorry. The trail is over, and..." She trailed off.

"Mom, what about the trial? He's in prison, right?" By now I was starting to sweat and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I had a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow and my mom had removed her hand from my knee now to hold it in her other. "He's been found guilty, right?"

"Well, not exactly, no."

I stood, a hand cupped over my mouth. My stomach was twisting and turning and the room seemed to be spinning around me. "You mean, he's free?" I almost yelled.

"Frank, please, sit down and we'll talk-"

"Fuck off!" I shouted this time, and she flinched. We were both shouting today. "He's out there wandering and I'm here- in the same house. He's coming after me! We have to leave!"

"Please, honey-"

"Leave me alone!"

My mom tried to calm me by placing a hand on mine but I pulled it away sharply, turning on my heel and running up to my room. I slammed the door behind me and pulled the same chair up against the door. Pulling a bag out from my wardrobe, I began taking my clothes out and shoving them in it, not bothering to fold them. My mom was pounding on my door but I ignored her ramblings until I heard something that made me fall to the floor on my knees.

"Do you really think going out there by yourself is the right choice?"

I couldn't reply, even though I knew what the answer was. No. I didn't want to leave, and not by myself. How wasn't he found guilty? After what he did to me-

"Frank," my mom whimpered. "Please open the door. You promised you wouldn't scare me like this again."

I heaved a heavy, sob-filled sigh. "Just- leave me for a while. I need to think." I waited a few seconds and didn't hear a reply, so I assumed she'd agreed and gone downstairs.

I stepped in front of my mirror, tugging at my clothes. I had to see if the marks he left were still there. I pulled my shirt off first, glancing hesitantly at my reflection. There were faint bruises and a few scars from scratches, but nothing too major- until I turned around. Looking over my shoulder, there were bruises upon bruises littering my back. I fought my way through the thoughts racing through my head and quickly pulled on my shirt again, my brain subconsciously focussing on the pair of scissors I had previously used for my art homework a few weeks ago.

I needed to get rid of the marks he left, and right then, I could only think of one possible solution.

I could replace them.

Notes