Frank POV

Today is Tuesday, and it is also my second day sitting next to the only person who knows me more than I know myself. I just wish he could realize that. After the events of last night, after coming out of the closet to my mother, she made me promise her that I would tell my father tonight. She said it was my job to let him know that it’s who I am, not hers.

Today I started the day with a new attitude. It sounds weird, but I don’t feel the same as I did yesterday. I don’t feel like the same Frank who started senior year yesterday. This new lease on life makes me want to make some changes with myself, starting with my relationship with Gerard.

Since everyone that I ever was close with hates me, going about this change is going to be exceptionally difficult. I figure Mikey would be the easiest to warm up to, considering we were practically brothers before, but then I realize that getting close to Mikey might not be as easy as I want. Mikey is in junior high, and I am in high school. Sure, our school is connected, but there is no way that I would get to him without all his little teachers thinking I some sort of pervert. So instead of trying to get to Mikey, I decide that the next best is Bob.

Bob Bryar and I were close before Gerard and I were. Bob and I used to be neighbors, and he introduced me to Ray, and then Ray introduced us to Gerard. Sure, Bob and I have had our share of spats during this whole situation, but he was always the one to say that he was sorry and that he wished it didn’t have to be this way. Bob talked to me a little bit after the incident, but after time, he stopped asking me about my day or what album I was listening to.

The first bell just rang for first period, but I’m already in the classroom. I had been stopped in the hall and asked personally to come in for a talk. Mrs. Lowrey wanted to ask me about my partner. She said the had felt some slight tension the day before when she walked by our desks.

“Is there a feud going on with you and Mr.Way?” she asked, leaning against her desk, giving me her full attention.

“No, ma’am.”

“You two just seem distant. You both used to be such good friends when I had you in Algebra I. What happened?”

“Nothing, Mrs. Lowrey. We just grew apart, I guess.” I could feel her eyes seep into my soul, and I was sure that she could see that I was lying.

She nodded and went back to teacher work at her desk, and I felt the weight of the world lift off of my shoulders. I must have became a really good liar, because Mrs. Lowrey used to could always tell when I was bullshitting her. She had the power to x-ray your brain with just a glance.

When kids began to flood the room, I could feel my chest stiffen. Gerard glided in slowly, or maybe it was at normal speed? It looked like slow motion to me. His black hair was messy and tucked behind his ears, and his expression gave the whole “I don’t care” vibe that he carried everywhere. When he sat down, he threw his books on his desk, and flipped open one of them and started doodling. His back was hunched into the desk and this head was ducked down, close to the paper for a better view of his work. The pencil in his right hand moved quickly, and his hair occasionally found its way into his face, just to be tucked back into place. After a few minutes of quick pencil work and thin lines of graphite sketches, he pulled away to marvel at his work. It was a cute little cartoon doodle of Ray, fro and all, and it was perfect. Cartoon Ray was holding a guitar, and head banging to his chords. Gerard reached into his bag and pulled out a thin, silver, tin box and began to pull out its insides. Colored pencils, the expensive kind, not dollar store crap, was inside, and he began to pull out colors and shade in his creation.

Then, out of the box, he fetched a fancy paintbrush-tipped marker. The scrawled, “Ray Toro: New Jersey’s Own Guitar God!” Gerard signed it at the bottom and dated it, then put everything back where he got it. As he finished cleaning up, he noticed my eyes peering over his shoulder.

“Um…that’s kind of creepy.” He said, smiling awkwardly.

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Dude that is so cool.” I said trying not to be weird, but it happened anyway. Funny how things sound less stupid in your head verses when you actually say them out loud.

“Thanks…” He said before Mrs. Lowrey called the class to attention and began teaching.

I swear I saw him smile at me. Not a ‘please-stop-looking-at-me’ smile, but a ‘you-seem-cool’ smile. During class, I couldn’t help but stare at him. The way his eyelashes met with each other when he blinks. The way he rolls his eyes when someone makes an ignorant comment. The way he props himself up with his hand to keep himself from falling asleep. Someday I hope he falls asleep, just so I can see his eyes flutter shut and then close completely.

Again, that sounded totally different in my head.

Notes