Sex and violence.

Frank's P.O.V

Last night's dream was the only thing running through my head at school, and being able to see Gerard again for the first time in a month.

It was weird though, after having a dream like that I'd be too freaked out too see that person again... but now I just can't wait to see Gerard again.

I miss his smile, his eyes. His greasy black hair, I miss having him around. I miss having a brother. I just serisouly hopes he misses me too.

So in band today, I decided that I'd write a song for him. Like I said, I wanted to make everything up to him. And that's the only way I know how to and not mess up everything

We had a sub today, which was good so now I don't have to worry about ditching other work for it.

Just as I look around the room for a spot to work, I see Justin sitting around with his guitar. He still won't talk to me after what happened in the bathroom.

Out of all the friends I had, he was one of the only good influences. Now he hates me, now I know I really fucked up.

I mean, the kid won't even look at me. Whenever I see him he's always got his head ducked or doing work. I really miss hanging out with the kid.

Things haven't got any better with Chelsea either, she's still with Donnie. He's still seventeen so he's still legal.

Just shit's been going down for the last month and I'm getting real sick of it lately. I just want things to go back to the way they were..

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Dad's on his way home with Gerard now, he insisted I stayed home while he went to go and get him. So I didn't protest, I just got a movie set up so we could all watch it when he got home.

I just thought it would be nice with just all of us watching a movie together, like a family.

But the hospital is about forty minutes away from our house and my dad left about a half hour ago so I have a good hour before they're even home, so I decided to just jump in the shower for a little bit.

Letting the hot water relax my body for once, ever since Gerard's been in the hospital I'm all tensed up. Just cause I'm a nervous wreck about everything and that I haven't seen him in ages. This might sound horrible but I almost forgot what he looked like..

My shower lasted a lot longer than I thought. About twenty minutes, most of the time I was in there I was just thinking about Gerard. He's the only thing on my mind right now, and he thoughts of him dying just kill me.

Death is a scary thing, it can't be fixed or changed.. and that really scares me. Ignoring and hating someone is different than someone just completely gone from your life. Just imagine that..
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Finally I heard my dad's car pull up in the drive way. When the noise filled my ears I got a little to excited about jumping at the door when I saw them. I even freaked Gerard a little bit,

His appearance scared me though.. He was paler than usual and he had thick purple bags under his eyes and for the first time I saw him with a beanie on.

I tried to not let it get to me as I greeted them inside, helped carry in a few bags from the car as Gerard sat himself down on the couch right away as if he'd ran a two mile run.

He looked horrible.. I only felt sick to my stomach. I could see how tired and helpless he was..

But again, I pulled my eyes off him. He just got home, don't need to make him feel like he's the circus animal in the show. I know I hate that feeling so I try not to let Gerard feel it.
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Dad decided to order pizza tonight, so we all sat in the living room. Gerard sat on the other end of the couch from me as we all watched a movie, and I couldn't keep my eyes off him.

Even though he was horribly sick and exhausted.. he still managed to look. beautiful.

His green eyes still strived to shine in the light, his cute nose from the side view.

I kept watching him, even more when he started taking his hat off.. and my mouth just dropped to the floor I couldn't believe it..

Gerard's lost half of his hair...

Notes

Hey guys, I'm back. I used a personal experience like, this sounds horrible but when my grandpa was in the hospital I was never there cause I fucking hate hospitals and when I went one day, he took his hat off and so much of his hair was gone.. I started to bawl so hard, you don't know how hard it is to see how much life cancer takes out of someone. And I made Frank feel like that, because it's important. I didn't spend enough time with my grandpa and he's not here, but I wish him good thoughts and memories. Wherever he is right now.

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