The Screaming Hope
... but sometimes they pay the consequences of their artwork.
I wake up.
Well, technically, I wasn't sleeping. I was unconscious because of the beatings caused by Frank.
I look around. Then, I see that sicko, sitting on a chair, looking like he's deep in his thoughts. He turns his head to cross my regard. He stands up, approaches the bed I'm lying on. He has my "Torn Freedom" canvas in his left hand, and, well, the object is like its name, torn.
- What was your goal in this painting, Gerard?
- I don't know, I just saw the vegetation outside... and it inspired me to draw something with the same colo-
- I said WHAT WAS YOUR FUCKING GOAL, BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING AWARE I WILL BE SEEING IT!
I know those eyes. When he has them it usually ends up bad, really bad for me.
- I just wanted to take all my emotions and my thoughts out, I guess! You know Frank, you know how much I hate every single day with you in this shitty house! You ruined my life, just to satisfy your selfishness, not caring about what I could feel! If you really loved me then you would've taken care of me! You would've listened to my desires! You would have... Let me go!
One instant I swear I saw culpability in his eyes.
But, instead of listening to it, he walks towards the bed, climbing on it. I try to avoid him, but he is sooner holding my wrists, tightening his fists until my wrists hurt.
- Let go of me Frank, please... I begin to beg. It hurts so much please if you loved me you wou-
- Don't tell me what I must do! He shouts. Of course I love you! Gerard it's been 12 years I'm in love with you! Since that goddamn day in school I walked in class and saw your beautiful, perfect face! Since this fucking day, I never stopped to love you. It's burning in me baby, don't you see how much we're perfect together?? Why are you so stubborn! Why won't you let go of your previous sad life and instead, living the new one with me? When are you going to give up and Fall. In. Love. With. Me??!
He hits me five times, at the same time as he says these last five words. He pulls me by my chin, making me look in his eyes.
- Kiss me, Gerard.
I begin to panic.
In the last 1080 days, he raped me more than once. I can't remember how much. Each time was more traumatizing than the previous one.
- I won't say it again Gerard. Kiss me like you mean it.
I don't want to. Everytime he raped me I remembered my wish to stay chaste for Shams. And everytime, this wish was useless.
I don't want to kiss him. But I know I don't have much choice. He will keep beating me after all.
I crash my lips on Frank's.
With all my strength, with all my soul, I try to imagine I'm kissing Shams.
I remember her soft, nice, full-looking lips, with a hint of red on the center, contrasting with her porcelain skin. I remember her fingers brushing the back of my neck while she deepened our kisses, and oh God, I'm... really feeling she's here.
I want us to become one. I want her body to collide with mine, right now.
I wrap my hands around Shams's [Frank's] waist and I crash our bodies together.
I am planning on deepening the kiss, so I moan "Shams..."
I figure out my huge error the next second. It could possibly be the biggest error I've done during these 3 years in this house with Frank. Even more big than when I tried to call the police. I came near to death this day, he plunged my head in the cold water of the bathroom's tub in order to drown me. It traumatized me so much. The most in 3 years.
Well, I hope this record won't be exceeded today.
My wish will apparently not be granted.
He begins to beat me, sending me a first blow in my forehead; the second blow goes to my jaw and the third is in under my chin. He looks at the rest of my body: I can't even fight back, my sight is blurred by the blood stimulated by Frank's blows.
So he hits me in the rest of my body. Hard. The pain is... I don't even have words. I'm going unconscious.
He won't cease before a long time. He won't be satisfied by these few blows. He wants me near to death so then I can obey him.
Fine.
I will do whatever he wants.
Before I think anything else, my sight is completely blurred and everything goes black.
And... I feel blood going out of my body.
Well, technically, I wasn't sleeping. I was unconscious because of the beatings caused by Frank.
I look around. Then, I see that sicko, sitting on a chair, looking like he's deep in his thoughts. He turns his head to cross my regard. He stands up, approaches the bed I'm lying on. He has my "Torn Freedom" canvas in his left hand, and, well, the object is like its name, torn.
- What was your goal in this painting, Gerard?
- I don't know, I just saw the vegetation outside... and it inspired me to draw something with the same colo-
- I said WHAT WAS YOUR FUCKING GOAL, BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING AWARE I WILL BE SEEING IT!
I know those eyes. When he has them it usually ends up bad, really bad for me.
- I just wanted to take all my emotions and my thoughts out, I guess! You know Frank, you know how much I hate every single day with you in this shitty house! You ruined my life, just to satisfy your selfishness, not caring about what I could feel! If you really loved me then you would've taken care of me! You would've listened to my desires! You would have... Let me go!
One instant I swear I saw culpability in his eyes.
But, instead of listening to it, he walks towards the bed, climbing on it. I try to avoid him, but he is sooner holding my wrists, tightening his fists until my wrists hurt.
- Let go of me Frank, please... I begin to beg. It hurts so much please if you loved me you wou-
- Don't tell me what I must do! He shouts. Of course I love you! Gerard it's been 12 years I'm in love with you! Since that goddamn day in school I walked in class and saw your beautiful, perfect face! Since this fucking day, I never stopped to love you. It's burning in me baby, don't you see how much we're perfect together?? Why are you so stubborn! Why won't you let go of your previous sad life and instead, living the new one with me? When are you going to give up and Fall. In. Love. With. Me??!
He hits me five times, at the same time as he says these last five words. He pulls me by my chin, making me look in his eyes.
- Kiss me, Gerard.
I begin to panic.
In the last 1080 days, he raped me more than once. I can't remember how much. Each time was more traumatizing than the previous one.
- I won't say it again Gerard. Kiss me like you mean it.
I don't want to. Everytime he raped me I remembered my wish to stay chaste for Shams. And everytime, this wish was useless.
I don't want to kiss him. But I know I don't have much choice. He will keep beating me after all.
I crash my lips on Frank's.
With all my strength, with all my soul, I try to imagine I'm kissing Shams.
I remember her soft, nice, full-looking lips, with a hint of red on the center, contrasting with her porcelain skin. I remember her fingers brushing the back of my neck while she deepened our kisses, and oh God, I'm... really feeling she's here.
I want us to become one. I want her body to collide with mine, right now.
I wrap my hands around Shams's [Frank's] waist and I crash our bodies together.
I am planning on deepening the kiss, so I moan "Shams..."
I figure out my huge error the next second. It could possibly be the biggest error I've done during these 3 years in this house with Frank. Even more big than when I tried to call the police. I came near to death this day, he plunged my head in the cold water of the bathroom's tub in order to drown me. It traumatized me so much. The most in 3 years.
Well, I hope this record won't be exceeded today.
My wish will apparently not be granted.
He begins to beat me, sending me a first blow in my forehead; the second blow goes to my jaw and the third is in under my chin. He looks at the rest of my body: I can't even fight back, my sight is blurred by the blood stimulated by Frank's blows.
So he hits me in the rest of my body. Hard. The pain is... I don't even have words. I'm going unconscious.
He won't cease before a long time. He won't be satisfied by these few blows. He wants me near to death so then I can obey him.
Fine.
I will do whatever he wants.
Before I think anything else, my sight is completely blurred and everything goes black.
And... I feel blood going out of my body.
Notes
Have a nice day :)
@nuclearcloud
I'm not fantabulous, silly... But awww thank you ;)
3/7/14