The Screaming Hope

Gerard's POV

I was getting better.
The ungrateful days were far, so far behind me.
My job, my home, and especially people, everything is nice here. I'm doing something I love, something interesting, something helpful for others, something that served me as a loophole for so, so long, when all hope seemed lost, when "to give up" seemed to be the best choice, when my name could be removed from the list of the Provence inhabitants because I really wasn't going to live this earthly hell anymore.
When...
He locked me and abused me.

(Gerard Way, 20 years old)

I turn my head. My eyeball slowly slides to the right, guiding my pupil to see what lies around the corner of my eye.
Or rather WHO is at the corner of my eye.
My first instinct is to not believe what I'm seeing.
Why?
Because the thought of this person makes my heart beat so fast, makes my brain paralyzed with happiness, makes my body disrupted by the influence that has this person to my eyes. This person isn't just taking up the full extent of my pupil, she is also requesting all my neurons. I can't see anyone else but her. The world become also inexistent.
My second instinct is to rush on her and pull her into the tightest reunion hug. I stroke her cheek, not believing what I'm holding.
- Hey, Gerard. You haven't changed at all, she says.
The snowflakes seem to want to grab her glowing epiderm so bad. Her porcelain, glowing, suave skin: it just seems like the best morning dew. Her long raven hair makes a beautiful contrast with the rest of her body, her slim, svelte, delicate body. I lose my words and my gestures every time I look or think of her. She is... Mind-blowing. You can see all her benignity through her emerald eyes. And her open mind. I think... I came across the Perfection in person.
She wraps her hands around my neck. She begins to hug even tighter, like she was losing me, like all her life was depending on me.
- I love you so Shams. You don’t know how much I’m in love with you, I say.
- I love you even more than I can say in my most elaborate speech. Gerard, I wanna be with you for eternity.
I grab her chin, shakingly leaning for a kiss. She closes the gap between our faces and I can feel her soft, full, smooth lips on mine. This kiss has everything but lust or hunger. This is gentle, full of love, passion, and adoration for each other. I feel so light but so alive at the same time. I deepen the kiss, keeping the love in it. I could definitely stand here for eternity with her, in the same position, not caring if my legs are sore or if I’m near to death. I just want to be forever with her. Because she IS my forever.
The sound of a bullet entering in the body of my soulmate destroys my state of pure bliss.

- Please Baby… please my love, my honey, my soulmate, my angel, my sunshine, my everything…! Please Baby don’t leave me! Not like this Honey… I want us to die together, by a natural cause, I want us to live a perfect life just like the one you deserve, p-please Sweetie don’t leave me, I need you to stay alive, my heart beats just for you if you go then my heart beats for nothing so I die! Please Shams, please Baby don’t leave me!
- Gerard… I’m sorry, Shams said choking, I thought he was in jail… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have interposed myself between you two… He’s coming for you… Oh baby, you don’t know how much I’m sorry to be in love with you…
- NO! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN! You, in love with me, is the best thing that ever happened to me! Even sometimes, when I think of us, I reckon I don’t deserve your love, because it is so fucking beautiful! You’re beautiful! You’re perfect! You’re the love of my life! You’re everything for me! I need so fucking much Shams, because with you I’m sure I will become a better person! You’re a part of me, you can’t leave me like this! Not like this Baby… please…
- I must admit, says a masculine voice, that your speech almost brought me to tears.
I turn my head to see Frank Iero, that motherfucker, laughing at Shams and me.
I can feel my blood boiling from the tip of my toes and slowly circulating through my entire body, reaching my brain.
Before I do anything to that shitass, I imperatively must call an ambulance. I take my phone, dialing the number.
- Oh no you’re not doing anything! Frank yells.
He grabs me from behind by surprise.
I hear the familiar sound of a syringe compressed.
This sound has become so present the last few months.

The next second I can’t even figure out what is happening to me because I’m unconscious.

(Gerard Way, 21 years old)

I stare at the roof.
I can’t remember how much I’ve stared at it the last 300 days.
Yes. It has been 300 days since Frank killed Shams and kidnapped me. It has been 300 days during which he keeps me locked in his isolated house in Provence. It is now 300 days I haven’t been in contact with the outside world.
I’m stranded in the earthly Hell, watched by the Devil in person.
Frank Iero.
That sicko.

I know him since we’re 11. We used to be friends. Not like close friends, but you know, like “quickly friends”. At least that’s what I was feeling. And I was not against it. He was a bit strange.
But not like “Ah hum you’re weird… but that’s ok, I can deal with it!”.
More like, he is strange, and he scares me. I still tried to accept him like he was, but that was too much. The way he stared at me, the way his lips moved when he was trying to speak to me, the way he smiled with the corners of his mouth raised to his eyes instead of stretched to his ears.
But especially the way I was feeling him watching me everyday, everytime I did something.
Maybe I wasn’t a “quick friend” for him.

This hypothesis was confirmed when I was 18.
This year, I met Shams at the Laser Game. The first time I saw her I thought my eyes were confronted to a fallen angel. A halo was encircling her body – I’m not even joking. When it was time to play the laser game, I did everything I could to cross her each time. We were in the dark so it was pretty sensual in some way. I took it at my advantage: I was playing the famous game of seduction with her. At one moment, I managed to jam her in a corner: “Please don’t shoot me” she says seductively. “Okay but put your laser gun down”, I said. “Whatever you want, gorgeous” she said and took me into a hug. Then we made out and ended up in the restaurant next door. Over timewe have becomedeeply in love, so much so that nobody could change anything in our unwavering, healthy relationship.
Well I was talking too fast. I began to show myself with her like any couple would do.
And I regretted it as soon.
Frank began to show his real stalker side: I began to understand what was happening. He was really obsessed with me. He was in love with me. He was idolizing me. He needed me. He still does, by the way.
But the problem is, I don’t feel the same for him. I’m straight, and I was in love. Deeply in love. He couldn’t just land in my life, in the middle of my relationship and ruin everything between my soulmate, the love of my life, and me, just for his behoof. It’s bloody selfish to think like that.
But he was thinking another way: he began to follow Shams. I had to accompany her everyday, even when it was compromising for me.
One day I was fed up of this masquerade. We packed our things in order to leave Paris and go to the Provence, in the south of France. He knew it.
He attacked us in our house in Provence and kidnapped Shams. I just – I couldn’t do anything.
He wanted me to forget Shams and to live with him. I didn’t want that. At all.
He tortured Shams… until I walked in this hut where he locked her and fought against him. I accidentally pushed him and his head collided with a metal wall: there was blood. A giant puddle of blood.
I took Shams out and called the police and an ambulance for Frank.
They locked him in jail after he lost a lawsuit because of the forensic evidences of the torture he had inflicted Shams, and our two testimonies.

It took us nearly a year to get over this incident. But Shams… She was too traumatized to forget completely. They sent her in a mental institute. They have also announced that Frank’s folder would be revised.
My life became empty. I’ve done drugs. I went to parties where I returned completely wasted. Just to fill the emptiness Frank created in me.

But then, 300 days ago, I saw Shams again. I gave her a rendezvous under our cherry tree, snowy at the time. It was snowing so much. Everything was perfect.
Except Frank shooting on my Baby.

I’m still not over the fact that my Baby is dead. My soul, my love, she’s not here. She’s… gone. Forever. My life hasn’t any meaning anymore. My heart was beating because of Shams.
I tried to kill myself so many times during these last 300 days. Everytime failing. Insomuch that Frank hid every object susceptive to kill me; he also made sure I wasn’t going to do that anymore, by punishing me. Drowning, beating, making me choke, almost strangulating… Every way was acceptable.
At the beginning I fought. I refused to be treated that way. I’m not his toy. I have rights. He killed my soulmate, he killed a beautiful human being, fuck, he killed a human!
But I’m just tired. Tired of fighting. Of living. Of everything.
I decided to agree with this entire masquerade and give him what he wants. He suddenly became more social; our life is currently “normal” now, outside of the boredom and emptiness.
I try to fill my life with Art right now. I have really developed my artistic skills.
One day, maybe, if I escape from here, I will become the coolest Art teacher. For the memory of Shams.
When I’ll die I hope I will see her.
One day, maybe we’ll meet again.

Notes

30 Seconds to Mars aww :3
You don't know how much I've struggled to write this, I've cried, it has been literally like a mental masturbation ><<br>
Have a nice evening, morning or day <3

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