The Screaming Hope

Ugh, I forgot home was so constraining.
Mum's always arguing with dad, my sister's always yelling and pestering at my brother. Those people are one of the reasons my ears feel like they're torn apart.
I throw my bag on the floor. I run to the kitchen, getting some coffee - coffee is my life savior. It would be a hundred times worse otherwise. I then eat a slice of oriental cake before getting in my room to study while listening to music and headbanging on it.
I study a lot. I want to get the best grades so I can escape from this prison. My hope is still here, burning in me.
Time flies when I'm home. But no as much as when I'm in the new Art class. Sadly. I wish it has lasted more than that.
Something is finally sorting me out from my routine. It feels just like a drop of water in a desert.
I eat dinner and then I go to bed, letting myself pulled into the arms of Morphée.

I wake up.
The next second I remember this night's dream.
I was forgiving my ex.
He was hugging me in front of everybody, fighting against the teacher's orders to let me go and to listen to the lesson. He was claiming that he loves me more than everything and he would never hurt me again.
Never hurt me again.
I let out a tear to roll down my cheek at this thought.
I hate him! What I hate even more? The dream seemed so fricking real and when I was asleep I know I was... kind of relieved to the thought that he still loves me.
No! Even in a dream I can't let this happen!
Because, I hate him. More than I could ever hate someone. He cheated on me. He has abandoned me when I was needing him the most. He swore he'd never leave me, he'd always love me and only me.
I believed him. And it hurts. It hurts so much. Another tear rolls down my cheek, into my mouth, making me know the salty and bitter taste of being dumped.
I clean my face with the fresh water of the bathroom. Voilà, pain of the night gone.
After eating my cereals and orange, I begin to dress up. Well, today, maybe I will change my habit a little bit. I put on my tightest pair of black skinnies, along with a plum fitted tank top and an olive cardigan. Then I lace my plum dr Martens and apply plum lipstick.
This was going to be a plumy day.

*****

Surprisely, the day is going a little faster than usual. The boredom is still here though.
It' s lunch pause right now. When we have pause, I usually stay with friends and we talk about random things.
I am not really interested in friendships. Not anymore. I consider that I'm not part of this place. Of these people. Of this country. Of this "world".
That's why I want to escape.
Then we eat our lunches. The bell rings: we're on our way to Chemistry.
There are nice people in the class.
And then... there are assholes. And dickheads. So then they complete each others.
At the end you have two categories: the nice and the jerks.
I've lost hope for some of them.
Like this girl, Clea. She's the perfect definition of a daughter of a bitch. And still, those words are light.
She's always criticizing other people, making fun of them, about their appearance, their thoughts, their scars, their social positions. Everything. She's doing it to make her feel better about herself. How lame. I wait for the moment she DARES to say a word against me so then I can beat her to death. I'm not even joking. I guess I want to end it all for everybody. She needs to be deleted. Well, if there's legal ways, I'll take them. But right now, if she dares to open her mouth, I'll kick her.
Now she's bullying a girl who is known as a cutter, just in front of the teacher. But this jerk carry on with the lesson. What a coward. I'm too far to interpose myself, and if I stand up, the coward will react badly.
The bell rings.

Notes