Frank’s POV

He loves me, he loves me not.

The words repeated themselves over and over in my head as I slashed at my wrist, causing the deep cuts and blood. Oh so much blood.

But I loved it.

I deserved the pain, the punishment for upsetting Gerard. It was my fault. All my fault.

I had run home in tears as fast as I could, clawing open the door in a blind fury and dashing upstairs, slamming my door behind me I falling onto my bed. I had to find release. The crying wasn’t enough. I needed more, oh so much more.

I forced myself up, heaving myself over to my dresser and ripping open one of the drawers, tearing through it until I had found what I needed. I pulled up my blade, crusted with blood.

My secret vice.

No one knew, not even Gerard. I had been trying to wean myself off it for his sake but with what has happened I don’t think I can take it anymore.

I hungrily bring the blade down on my skin, making a deep cut mark in my arm. The pain feels so good, I have to continue. I can’t stop now. Maybe I’ll finally go all the way. Gerard won’t care anyways. He never did with that stupid pact we made, and the way he so bluntly broke me only 30 minutes ago.

I’m already cutting deeper and deeper words like ‘worthless’ and ‘idiot’ and ‘unwanted’ running races in my head, reminding me of every flaw I had and everyone who hated me. The words had become carved on my arms, and then I had collapsed on my bed, laughing like a madman between my tears. I continued my slashes, deeper and harder.

He loves me, he loves me not.

More slashes.

He loves me, he loves me not.

Even more.

He loves me, he loves me not.

The blood is starting to pool around me and I feel faintly lightheaded but ignore it, too far gone in the pleasuring pain this brings, the sweet sensation of relief.

He loves me, he loves me not.

The words echo in my head, a fresh line of red in my arm every phrase.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I watch the lines go up my arm, waiting for the one fatal blow to be delivered. I wondered which it would be. Would my vein say he loved me or not?

He loves me, he loves me not.

More lines, going up my arms, both of them. The dizziness is stronger, I’m working faster and faster.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I could end it all.

He loves me, he loves me not.

Just a few more slashes is all it takes.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I feel death would be welcome at this point. Less painful than the hell my life is.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I’m almost there. Just a few more strokes of the blade to go.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I’m practically there.

He loves me, he loves me not.

Surprise, surprise. Not.

He loves me, he loves me not.

The answer is not.

He loves me not.

I am a millimeter away from breaking the skin and tearing my vein of life to shreds when the door bursts open, a frantic Gerard looking over at me. Gerard. I loved him once. I’m dead on the inside by now. My soul and spirit are gone. Crushed by him. He whom I loved. His mouth is moving, but I can’t hear him. I look at him hollowly, when three words pierce the fog of my mind: “I love you.”

I squint for a moment, as though processing. He’s looking at me pleadingly, his mouth moving but I still can’t distinguish anything. In the haze I find one thought, the one I’d had before. He wants me gone. I should die. He doesn’t love me. Lying bastard.

My eyes turned fiery for a single moment before the blade broke the skin, a river of blood flowing from the new wound as I collapsed, falling back on the bed. My vision was darkening rapidly, my hearing fading. I smiled a tiny smile. I had done what I should.

I had made him happy.

Notes

SUSPENSE!!! Kind of sadistic, I know. It just sort of spewed out. Welp. HERE'S THE CHAPTER MY LOVELIES! Enjoy it! :3

x imakilljoywannabe x