Never Mind About The Shape I'm In

We make our way to the cramped patch of dying grass right outside the building. We settle into what I’m hoping is 50% comfortable and only 50% awkward silence. I just stare at him without outwardly staring because –shit- I have no clue what I wanted to say. I guess on the walk here I had forgotten the game plan for this conversation.

My eyes reflexively darted down when he turned his head to me. At this point, 20% comfortable would’ve been more than a stretch. If I said there was a shred of not-awkward in this moment that would be a blatant lie, but I’m not saying that. I’m being honest here. This was going horribly.

I just leaned my back against the brick wall with one foot casually propped against the wall as well, mainly out of habit, but also for support. I lit up and puffed out rings, also out of habit, watching as they expanded and dissolved into the smoggy air my lungs have grown accustomed to. I tried to collect my thoughts and wondered if he was questioning the silence while I only questioned his sudden outburst.
Why would someone be so defensive over a name?

“Frank.” I look at him straight on. “That’s my name.” I catch the tiny upward twitch of his lips and we’ve got a good and steady flow of 4% comfortable going. Sass turns back away, before our eyes can properly lock.

“I know.” Then, he’s smiling. He’s smiled a lot today, but for some reason it seemed I had a right to it until he wouldn’t give one away as freely. Now it was precious. “I was sitting literally right next to you during role call.”

“I know you knew, dumb ass. I was just making a point.” I smiled and ran a hand threw my hair, taking another quick drag because it seemed like conveneint timing.

“What was the point? You still haven’t actually made it.” He’s chewing his lip which is surprisingly distracting, seeing as I only have eyes for the one,…hypothetically. Isn’t that the point of romance? To be entirely intoxicated by the presence of one person that makes everyone else mere…mere…I-don’t-even-know-whats in their wake.

“The point is, I want you to return the gesture and tell me your name if you would be so kind.” He crosses his arms and I think he’s kind of upset, but what did he think we’d talk about? Upon further inspection though, I see his smile is now involving teeth.

“Okay, so here’s how it is.” He turns to me, pushing away from the wall, crossing his arms, cocking his hips to the left in a way that makes me think he should have a parental advisory sticker, and chewing his lip some more. Yeah, his entire body needs to be blurred out like middle fingers on fake reality shows because his face alone is hard enough to fight. I just have to keep in mind that if Gerard were here, I wouldn’t notice these things. I would be enraptured by my Gee. Mine. This kid isn’t a threat. Nope, I can’t take my eyes off the prize and even though my eyes are currently on the Sass, I meant that metaphorically. “My name doesn’t fit anymore. Ya know? Like-like it’s what people call me- called me, but it sucks that names make you remember things you really wish you wouldn’t. I just- I don’t know I want to start fresh. New school. New town. Fresh start. That’s what I want.”

“Then, that’s what you’ll get.” I shrug as if it’s a simple request because he’s already got the new town, new school, and fresh start. “That’s what you have, rather. I think you’re worried about how you utilize this opportunity to rebuild the image of you people see. Just be honest.”

“George.” He sighs and looks so defeated that I almost resent myself for feeling like it was just announced I won a skully or something. “Ross.”

I run my hand through my hair again, before stubbing out the cigarette that was already done. My subconscience fought back when I smiled so wide I was in sincere pain. Turning to fully face him, leaning my upper body against the wall because I’m way too lazy to stand on my own, I held myself tightly because this spot was always kind of cold, but a long breeze decided to hit. That didn’t stop my smile though. “George, huh?”

“Don’t tell any one that, though.” He snaps

“Come on, man. They gotta call you something.” His face does enough arguing that he doesn’t have to make a sound. “Be reasonable for two seconds.”

He shrugs in more of a “help me out” way than a “I couldn’t care less” way.

“Well, what’s your middle name, George?” I lean forwards and waggle my shoulders, which is a weird thing to do, but I’m having too much fun teasing him to properly process that.

“Oh my god! Shut. Up.” He’s smiling huge again, while flipping his bangs out of his line of sight.

“Seriously, though.” I whine as I push off the wall, in a way similar to how he had earlier, taking a step closer and giving my best puppy dog eyes. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” He tilts his head to the left and for the first time I actually look into his eyes. I actually really look. He giggles and I want him to giggle again because it makes me feel better about all the shit the world has to offer. “I don’t remember the question.”

I just poke him in the tummy and keep saying “Tell me.” because I really want to know. We’re both laughing our asses off to the point where my diaphragm burns a little, but I can’t care. Everyone’s so UGH at home and right now, I just wanna let loose and laugh. Somehow, he ends up pressed against the wall with the entrance/exit to his left, my right.

“You think I’ll tell my secrets because of a few pokes?” He’s taunting me and of course I take the bait. I tickle him relentlessly and he’s flopping all over, but I don’t let up. Even though he’s batting at my hands, I refuse to let up. I never take no for an answer.

“This more your speed?” At this point, the giggles are gone and he’s outwardly laughing, his whole body humming along with it.

“Okay! Okay!” He clutches my wrists one per hand and I’m honest to god frozen. Then, I get a mouth full of George.

I pull away dazed. “Um. I’m sorry, but I actually have feelings for some one else, so I can’t actually um… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-…I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.” I go for the door right after that, jerking my wrists away and enter the hallway. He snags my wrist again, pulling me to face him.

“Hey, sorry. You didn’t do anything, but be nice. I should have asked first. Let’s just forget about it. Okay?” I nod, we hug it out, and we head to class. Not before we run into Gerard. Yes, the one and only.
He seems a little agitated and is walking awfully close, but I’m never complaining about Gee giving me attention.

“Ryan.” George says as we walk in silence.

Gerard makes a face, then says “What?”

“Gee, this is Ryan Ross.” They both smile, Gerard’s tense vibe melting away.

“Well, Mr.Ross, I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Notes

Sorry it's been so long. I'll proof read when I actually have time.
I just found out about this band called Adorable. Even more recently, I found out they broke up.
Anywho, if you'd like to hear them click the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=getmXlcPT50
PS title from My Wave by Soundgarden
I got nothing, but butt tons of love for you guys.