So Long & Goodnight

....did that just happen? Did... did the nice Frankie from the bus just publicly humiliate me?
I couldn't believe I stood up for that asshole! He called me a fag... well, he was right about that. Or partially anyway. I liked both girls and boys. Was something wrong with that? Maybe he was right.
Maybe something really was wrong with me....
My god, of course he was right! And I was so wrong... again! Oh dear, and I was starting to cry. Of course. My fag me was starting to cry...
I ran off. The Frankie dude was right! He made me see he was. He made me see what I was...
I ran and ran and ran until I finally reached my hiding place, a large, old tree next to the Dark Lake. I climbed it until I reached my favourite spot. At first, I looked out over the lake for a little while. It was called the Dark Lake because its black bottom was always visible. Like my father's. Like mine. Everyone knew I was odd and everyone knew I was to be left alone. That's what everyone decided. Maybe they had some conference I missed, but I was off limits. No one spoke to me, no one would get close to me and all I got to hear was insulting. And when Frankie was so nice this morning... god I was being naive. I was a stupid lame dumb fucker! I honestly thought he was different. How could I possibly have thought that? Bloody whanker. I was such an idiot! I crawled a bit back on the branch I was sitting on, and reached inside the tree to get a small case out.
I carefully opened the case, lifting the lid, and got a blade out.
Damn I owned many blades.
I put it to my wrist, feeling the sharp pinch, flinching with satisfaction.
Yes, this was it. This was the real good stuff...
GOD was I weird, thinking like that about cutting myself.
But it was an addiction.
No, it was more than that...
Yes, it was to take the pain away.
Yes, it was an addiction.
But once the blood started to stream, I once again realised...
It was also a fetish.
I loved the blood, I adored the stuff.
It could totally turn me on..
Yea, I was weird....
Part of me wanted to touch myself while cutting.
I could feel an erection coming up at the thought of...
FRANKIE?
No way.
No.
Fucking.
Way.
"No way, Way."
I joked to myself. But really, it wasn't funny. This wasn't about the blood anymore... I was attracted to Frankie!
I couldn't resist the temptation... I slowly put my hand in my trousers, started to touch myself...
and all the while I was thinking of Frankie. I felt so good while doing it.. I was all hot and sweaty and I couldn't stop myself from breathing heavy as fuck and moaning so loudly.... Oh man, this was so good.. And then I saw someone...
And that someone looked up at me....

Notes

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