Forever is a Long Time . . .

Gerard and I didn’t end up finding anything else that Frank might like for his birthday. The guitar was the absolute perfect gift for Frank and I knew he would just love it. I was still determined to get him that guitar and keep it a secret from him and the rest of the guys; something I already knew I was pretty good at. Gerard didn’t count.

Since telling Gerard the biggest and most monumental secret my soul had ever carried, he’d been really good about keeping it that way. He hadn’t said anything to the guys, not even hinting to them what I’d confided in him. Mikey didn’t even know anything, which was big considering the fact that Gerard told him nearly everything.

Though Gerard had proved himself trustworthy, there was one incident when I thought I’d have to kill him.

He and I were over Frank’s house one day after school. I walked out of the room for two seconds and as I was coming back down the hall, I heard Gerard and Frank talking.

“Seriously? What a loser.” I panicked as I heard Frank say this, my mind immediately racing to the conclusion that Gerard had told him. I never thought that if Frank knew that I loved him, he’d ever take it that hard.

Thankfully, Gerard cleared up my suspicions and saved himself a beating when he answered Frank. “Yeah, he’s such a baby. I don’t see why Mikey doesn’t want to be Robin if I’m gonna be Batman; I thought it was a cool idea.” I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. I was relieved to know that Gerard hadn’t failed me after all and even more relieved to know that Frank was still as oblivious as ever.

I walked back into the room having finished my eavesdropping on the guys, my suspicions on Gerard’s trustworthiness relieved. “Mikey giving you problems, Gerard?” I said sarcastically as I waltzed into the room, confident that my secret was still just that; a secret.

“Yeah, the little ass-hole doesn’t want to be Robin. I thought it was cool; me as Batman and his a Robin, I mean come on, that’s genius!” Gerard complained about Mikey sometimes, though there was still no doubt in anyone’s mind that he didn’t love his brother to death. They were best friends and did have a lot in common, but I couldn’t blame Mikey for wanting to be his own person every once in a while. Despite the age gap between them, he and Gerard did practically everything in tandem, so it was understandable for him to want to take a little break.

“I’ll get him to agree though; this costume idea is too cool not to do.” I smiled at Gerard’s full-of-himself attitude. That boy had total control over his brother, the poor sap, but they loved each other nonetheless and I had no doubt that Gerard would somehow get Mikey to agree with him.

“Whatever you say, Gerard. Well guys, it’s been real, but I’ve got to go.” I said as I picked up my bag from Frank’s bed. “Where?” Frank asked, standing himself up so that he was at my eye level.

“None of your business, that’s where.”

“Sassy,” Frank said as Gerard also got up to say goodbye. I rolled my eyes at his remark before they each gave me a hug. Gerard’s was quick and friendly but Frank’s was warm and entrancing. I didn’t want to let go, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him in for not so much as a moment before he pulled away. I felt the coldness of where Frank just held me and I was reminded once again why no one should ever fall in love with their best friend.

I said goodbye to the guys and told them that I’d see them later before heading out. I had a very important mission, one that none of the guys did or could know about.

Though Gerard had been with me when I first saw it, he didn’t know that I was actually going to buy Frank that guitar. I walked into the music store and, much to my contentment, the white guitar was still in the window. It was much nicer than Frank’s old guitar; even if it was twenty years old, it would still be nicer than Frank’s old guitar. His was old and shoddy; he could barely get out a few chords without having to retune it, and despite the fact that he loved it so much, he really needed a new one.

When I walked up to the front counter, a large, and somewhat scary looking, man turned around to greet me. “Hey there, what can I do for you, little lady?”

“I want to buy that guitar,” I said, pointing up to the white Les Paul that sat on a shelf behind the counter. “That one?” he asked, a little shocked at my choice. “That’s a fantastic guitar, sweetheart, but are you sure you can swing it?”

“Oh yeah,” I answered as I pulled out my money, all of it actually. It was all the money I’d ever saved from birthdays, holidays, and working at a camp over the summer. It was all I had but Frank was more than worth it, I just hoped it would be enough to pay for the guitar. “This enough?” I asked, setting down my wad of money and sliding it across the counter.

They guy started to count it and after a few moments, he slid back a few bills. Holding up what was still a majority of what I’d come in with, he replied, “This should cover the guitar and a case.” I smiled at him as he put the money in the register and rang up the guitar. He let me pick out a case to put it in and I just settle on a smooth black one, leaving Frank the opportunity to cover it with stickers, which I was sure he would do.

Just as he was finishing up, setting the guitar carefully in its case, the guy behind the counter asked, “So what made you pick this one?” I took another look at the guitar and remembered what I’d thought when I first saw it. The first thing that had come to mind was seeing Frank playing it. “It’s for my best friend,” I started to explain. “He’s turning eighteen next week and I wanted to get him a gift he’d really like, and when I saw this, I knew he had to have it.”
“Well, you must really care about him to be getting him such a nice guitar.”

“I do. We’ve known each other practically our whole lives; he’s the best friend anyone could ever ask for.” And he was; I wouldn’t know what I’d do without Frank. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without him, which was why I was so thankful that I’d met him all those years ago.

“That’s really rad, you know. He’s pretty lucky to have such a great friend.” But that’s all I was: a friend, and it was likely I would never be anything more. Truthfully though, if it meant keeping Frank in my life indefinitely, I’d rather stay platonic than lose him over the possible failure of a romantic relationship. It was tough and sometimes it hurt, but losing him wouldn’t just discomfort, it would devastate.

“Thanks, and I know he’ll love it.” The guy behind the counter smiled once more and brought the guitar over to the other side for me. I thanked him once more before picking up the guitar case by its handle and turning to go back home. Just as I was about to exit the store, I heard the guy call out to me one last time. “Good luck.”

I turned back around and smiled at him a silent thanks. Not that I needed luck for Frank to love my gift, but a little providence never hurt anyone.

***

Once I got home, I went up into my room to hide the guitar in my closet. Gerard had probably already figured out that I was going to buy it for Frank and by this point had most likely knew I would go through with it. God, and Gerard, knew that I’d do just about anything for Frank. In light of Gerard’s recent demonstrations of reliability, I knew he had no problem keeping Frank’s gift a surprise, but the other guys however, weren’t as good at keeping secrets and I knew that if they saw the case, they’d tell Frank in a heartbeat. They all knew I didn’t play guitar, nor did I have the patience to learn it, so a guitar in my closet would obviously not be for me and no one else had any birthdays coming up.

Just as I closed my closet door after carefully hiding the guitar case behind some clothes, I heard my bedroom door open. I looked over to see Frank stepping into my room. I tried not to act suspicious considering his present was only feet away from him, inside my closet; not that he’d go in there anyway.

“Hey, how’d your ‘thing’ go?” he asked me sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and replied to him with an equal amount of sarcasm, “Very well, thank you.” Frank smiled at me and sat down on my bed, grabbing for my arm and pulling me with him. We fell onto the bed laughing at his klutziness. “So what’s up?” he asked as we readjusted ourselves on my bed, me crossing my legs underneath myself, while Frank just leaned back against the wall.

“Same stuff as always; you?”

“Nothing, I just feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. You’ve been hanging out with Gerard a lot lately.” It was true, Frank and I hadn’t seen as much of each other as I would have liked recently. I normally spent every waking moment with him, but the party planning and secret gift buying kept me from it. Admittedly, I was spending a bit more time with Gerard, but that might just have been a result of my obsessive need to keep tabs on him; make sure he didn’t say anything to anyone.

Though I was spending more time with Gerard, I didn’t want Frank to get any ideas. “I wouldn’t say a lot, same amount as usual.” Lie.

“Well either way, I need more of you. I propose we spend a day together, like, soon. What do you say?” Spending a whole day with Frank all to myself sounded like a great idea. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Sweet. How’s Saturday, after the party? We’ll chill, watch scary movies, eat gross amounts of junk-food, and, of course, talk until we lose our voices. How’s that sound?” Frank excitedly explained his plans, the eagerness in his eyes, and his voice, becoming more and more evident with each word he spoke.

“That sounds great, Frank.” I replied with a smile. I already couldn’t wait for Frank’s party, and now the day after was going to be just as rad. A whole day with Frank, no one else, just him. Sure, it would be just as friends, as it always had been, and I wished that the time could have been spent in his arms, kissing him as his girlfriend, but this was still going to be nice.

“Rad, so Saturday, my house it is.”

“Definitely.” We agreed upon our plans for a day spent together and there was a small pause in the conversation. Frank’s face washed over with a slightly more serious look. I knew that look; it meant that something was bothering Frank. He wanted to talk about something with me.

“Paige?” he started, looking over to me, the worry in his eyes clear and evident. “I got to ask you something, but don’t take it the wrong way.”

“Sure, what is it?” I didn’t want to show Frank how nervous I was; no one liked to hear those kinds of words.

“It’s just that,” Frank sighed and continued. “You’ve seemed a little . . . off lately; is everything okay? Something happen that you want to talk about?”

I couldn’t tell Frank; I couldn’t tell him that he was the reason I was ‘off’ lately. Telling Gerard had me a little preoccupied, worrying over his caution on keeping the information from slipping while my own thoughts intensified on the age old feelings I’d had for Frank. It must have been teenage hormones or something, but lately Frank had been on my mind much more than usual. Why wouldn’t I seem a little odd?

And it’s not like I could tell him either. It’s not like I could just say, ‘It’s you, Frank; I’m in love with you!’ That wouldn’t have gone over well, so I had to do something I really hated doing, especially to Frank. I had to lie to him. “Oh really?” I tried to sound nonchalant about it as not to let him know that something actually was going on. “I didn’t even realize. Everything’s been fine, probably just stress. I’ve really been getting a lot of work in school lately. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” I ended my little rant with a smile as warm as I could force it to be.

Frank’s face softened a bit upon hearing this. “School has been getting rough, but if it’s something else, you know you can always talk to me about it, right?” Wrong. Any other time Frank would have been the first person I went to when I needed to talk to someone. I could tell him anything, but just not this. In this case, he was the last person I would want to tell about what was on my mind. Him.

Either way, I smiled back to him before tentatively taking his hand in mine. He looked down to our overlapped fingers and lifted our hands. Frank and I, despite not having a romantic relationship, were no strangers to a little physical contact. It wouldn’t surprise anyone to see us hugging or touching each other, though we’d never really held hands, not since we were kids and our mom’s didn’t want us to lose each other in a crowded place. I wasn’t sure how Frank would react to me taking hold of his hand, but I myself had electric jolts of adrenaline racing through my veins.

For now though I didn’t care about what Frank thought; I just liked the feeling of his skin against mine and I wanted to enjoy the moment. I looked to Frank who was still holding my hand. “Yeah, I know.”

Notes

So I know that I've already posted today, and I don't normally post twice in one week, but I've received some very lovely and inspiring comments that I feel deserve to be repaid with another update. Thanks to everyone who's been reading, and thank you for your feedback. Enjoy!!!