Straight Vodka tastes like cleaning agents. why people drink that it burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrns. Russian style, you're supposed to drink that, and chomp into a pickle to tomato afterwards! How funny! Champagne is really sweet. really really really sweet. Just like you. Sweetness gives us a sweet tooth. Never eat too much sweetness, kids!it gives you a very sweet tooth. Vodka burns, but after a while it becomes okay. So drink more of that, kids. It makes thinks fuzzzzzzzzzzy. Food.

Once upon atime therr was a guy. Called Garard. His parents were bad people. They were in jail. And then suddwblt a giant hagrid appeared. He said, "yer actually a wizard. Rasputin stole you when youwere just a kid. And he sangand drank vodka shots with you. And it was fun. But yer. A WIZARD. 11 .time to go to Howarts. So gerard packed up and he travelled to London from amarica and it was a long flight and he was lonely because rasputon got murdered and he was sad and he went to hogwards and he went to slytherinand went to Meey Adam Lambert who was a duplicate of himself because he was also gay and sexy and he moaned while performing and then he screamed and saw Harry and Harry was nice but draco was hotter and he was blonde and blonde boys were so hot so he said he needed to go and have sex with draco and then draco saw him have sex with Harry too and then they broke up and then he saw Frank Frank was really hot so they got drunk and drank together and played in the sandpit and then the next morning they woke up and they were naked together and hahaha Gerard was laughing and it was funny and Frank was laughing too and so they had sex again Nd it was the best sex Gerard had ever had because he was funny and Frank made him come seven times ahahaha seven was a cool number because it was a prime number and Frank loves gerarwd even more because they shared a prime number and then gerard asked where am I and Frank hugged him and kissed him and said tenderly that they were watching the sun set together and then it was so romantic that Gerard forgot about anything else except for Frank's dick. So they dated and went to Hogsmeade together because McGonagall said she saw something special in them and said that they would one they be rock stars and let them go to Hogsmeade together and butterbear was awesome even though it didn't make them drunk so they went to a holiday to Russia and got drunk and met Harry so they had a treesom where Harry stick his penis into Gerard and gerard stuck his penises into Frank and they had sex and they were fabulous because all gay guys are hot and fabulous and Gerard saw draco the next day and had to fuck him because he was too hot and halfway Frank walked in and he wailed with sad tears because Gerard cheated on him and they broke you even though Gerard was depressed and begged Frank to take him back. Frank was too angry and tried to move on but he still loved Gerard but he managed to pretend he didn't so they didn't talk to each other even though they had the same class in transfiguration and potions and charms and history but they were too angry and sad. In year six Gerard finally approaches Frank in the dining Hall and apologies so finally they are together again and they cry again but it is all happy tears because they were happy to see each other and they had fun and they had sex and then they married each other in California even though Frank didn't want to leave London because British accents were very sexy and then they eloped and had a honeymoon and Frank stuck his dick in Gerard's pink asshole many many times and then they adopted fifteen children because m-preg is gross. Just no. But he didn't want people who got off on m-preg to be sad because kinks can't be controlled and guys with children are hot and so Gerard pretended that he gave birth to half of them and many women wanted to fuck him because he was hot but he said no so they went away said and he told most people he was straight but everyone knew he wasn't because come on everyone knew he was married to a guy and they were okay with in, until Frank turned into a rooster and gerard was very scared so he summoned the wind Gods to turn Frank back but they said it was beyond their power. Frank was turned into a rooster because he suddenly woke up very early in the morning and humans shouldnt do that. So Gerard hiked from coast to coast and swam though the freezing article ocean and finally he reached Helsinki, Finland, where Adam Lambert was staying with him best friend sauli koskinen and he paid Adam a thousand galleons and a million euros and Adam agreed to come back and Adam called him dumb for hiking here and they took a floating metal plane back to Frank but Frank had disappeared so they flew to Cheng Du, China, to look for him and they found him in a farm of extremely hostile muggles and they agreed to give them to him if Gerard worked for them for fifteen months so for fifteen months Gerard was woken at the crack of dawn by his beloved and he slaved away at the rice fields and when the time was finally up, he brought Frank to Helsinki, still in rooster form, because Harry refused to stick around, but when Harry saw Frank he said the curse needed a good wizard as well as a dark wizard working together to call in Draco and they knew that although draco was better now he was still a bastard at heart and could still summon up the darkess from within himself at heart and so together they brought Frank back and finally they were together and they flash of light when the spell worked attracted two wizards bob and ray and Gerard asked if they wanted to join them and Bob said no and ray said sure so ray and drank and Gerard and Gerard's got little brother Mikey got together and plaid music and their music was better than Weird Sisters and they had a lot of money and a lot of fans long which was Adams little friend Tommy Joe Ratliff and then they were rich and they lived happily everyone after the end.