There once lived a giant fucking homosexual in some city in California. His name was Gerard. He met another gay kid named Frank. They did the frickle frackle quite often but they didn’t want anyone to know. The only other person who knew was Gerard’s little brother, Mikey, because he could hear the intense “OOH OH FUCK ME UH UHH YEAH” and for some reason it would turn Mikey’s pee blue like the ocean. Mikey liked the ocean. Sometimes he wished he could pee for 5 hours straight so he could go swimming in his room. The water’s already warm too so +1.
Anyway Gerard and Frank. They wished they could hold hands at school but they would get bullied if anyone knew their secret. Also Ray Toro was the principal and he would banish children into his afro if they ever made physical contact with each other. Sounds like this would make playing tag difficult yes? No. Tag was played with assault rifles and the winner got to pick a prize from Ray’s afro but they just usually get sucked in and are never seen again. Don’t play tag.
So um Gerard and Frank yeah they would ditch class and sit in the big tree behind the school and talk about simpler times when TV was still black and white and when babies got thrown out with the bath water. Oh how they dreamed of such a life. But all of a sudden, a bird landed in Gerard’s hair.
Ray came falling through the branches with fire red eyes and and flaming afro. “NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!” And he obliterated the bird and Gerard was having a seizure and Frank was in tears. A cloud of orange fart swirled around the three and within 180 seconds, Ray was gone. Frank fell asleep in the tree and Gerard fell out of the tree and fell asleep too. And Mikey tried to go swimming in the little boy’s room but it turned out that his pee was dangerously acidic and could be used as a weapon. So he went to his least favorite person’s classroom and said, “Rock and roll is going to blow up people’s private parts.” And he peed on everyone with Buddy Holly by Weezer played in the background. Everyone’s private parts blew up and their faces melted off. Then um Austin Carlile showed up and took Mikey to his house and told Mikey “I can show you the world.” Then made a body of water inside Mikey’s anal passage way because Austin’s right arm had magic ocean powers.
Gerard and Frank woke up and traces of Ray’s orange fart cloud lingered where they lay. Somehow they ended up in a graveyard hand in hand. How romantic. Also they had dresses on and they hated each other’s dresses. They then walked to the mausoleum door and had a fancy midnight cup of apple juice. Then there were searchlights because they were out way past curfew. Then Frank fainted on the bathroom floor. “I miss you,” Gerard whispered, “I miss you soo faaaarrrr.”
Then he kissed Frank and Frank woke but he was not the same Frank. This Frank had very pale eyes and a stinger on his ass. Gerard’s kiss transformed him into a scorpion. Gerard shrieked and ran but he tripped over a human heart which burst into flames. Gerard was then in tears.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Then Bob Byrar stepped around the corner and sang “Oh Gerard…” He looked deep into Gerard’s soul and continued, “Gerard you make my heart burn!” Then Bob’s eyes let out massive tears which emptied the ocean into the room and Mikey and Austin Carlile fell out of Bob’s eyes and his skull split open and Satan came lyrical dancing out and requested the presence of Pete Wentz but Pete was already asleep because it was the middle of the night and Pete liked to follow the rules. “
Wow lame,” said Satan. “Dude I know,” Gerard replied. “You’re lame too Gerard. Who the fuck drinks apple juice with their boyfriend at midnight in a cemetery? Fucking n00b.”
The Frank scorpion thing stung Satan but Satan blocked it with Gerard but Frank’s stinger plunged into Gerard’s asshole and Gerard started screaming and blood poured out of his eyes and mouth. It was the ultimate orgasm.

Notes

Interesting right..?