What If They Find Out

I fell asleep crying in Gerard's car. I needed to be in that treehouse. It was the closest thing I had to seeing my mother. I missed my mother so much. I wanted to see her again. No matter what it took.

Regardless of telling Gerard that I was sorry that I tried to kill myself, I still wanted to die. I had to go to school tomorrow and I could only imagine what everyone would say. I couldn’t stand living in fear of everyone. But considering none of them would ever give me a chance to prove that I am worth something, I would always get treated like shit.

It wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have to live like this. I still wanted that respect. The respect that Bob got. Everyone hated him for a while. Yet, as soon as he was gone, everyone worshipped him. Just because he killed himself. I did so much more than he did and I still managed to fail. All he did was overdose. I wasn’t surprised though. I always fail. I can never do anything right.

That is why this time, I’m going to make sure that it is final.

I crept from my bed next to Gerard and walked quietly across the room. The door creaked when I opened it. Dammit. “Frank? What are you doing?” I heard Gerard mumble from the bed. “I’m j-just getting a dr-drink of water,” I say softly. “Oh, alright,” Gerard whispered and curled back into the blankets. If there was one thing I was going to miss, it would be him.

I walked towards the kitchen, careful not to wake Mikey too. When I finally got there I pulled myself onto the counter and stood up on its cool surface. I opened the cabinet that had been too high for me on the ground and stuck my hand inside of the near-empty compartment. I grabbed the one object that lie inside the dark interior and closed the door. I sat on the counter and slid down onto the floor. Once I was down on the ground I realized I should probably tell Gerard something. So he wouldn’t think that it was his fault.

I grabbed a piece of paper from the table and a pen from the counter. With that, I sat at the table and began to write;

Dear Gerard,

I’m sorry I lied to you. I really wasn’t sorry that I tried to kill myself the first time. But since I failed, I knew that this time I had to do something more permanent. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t go back to school and face those assholes. Not after my failure. I need some respect and this is the only way I know how to get it. I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. I am doing this for myself. I know that that is selfish, but I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live in fear. So I am saying goodbye. Tell Mikey thank you. Tell him that he was a great friend and I didn’t deserve him. He was too good for me. Please don’t be sad. Please don’t cry. Just do me a favor and remember me. I want you to remember me for who I really was. Not just the school’s bitch. Now Forget how you felt about me. Find yourself someone worth your love.You are truly amazing.

Goodbye, Gerard
Frank

I left the note on the table and took a deep breath. Maybe now, people will really see that I was worth something.

And with that, I put the gun up to my head.

Notes

No, I haven't given up on this story. Sorry for the emotional trauma. I don't really know how the next few chapters are going to end. Oh and not to self promote, but I did start writing another fic. It is called Magical. It's Frerard and Rikey again and it takes place at Hogwarts. Feel free to check it out. It is also on wattpad. Thanks for keeping with this story! :)