I Lost My Fear of Falling

It’s been five days since Sarah woke up and we haven’t been allowed to visit her yet. Apparently it’d be too overwhelming or maybe the hospital was tired of having 4 dudes stinking up the place and punching each other in the jaw. But I heard she comes home tomorrow.

Frank apologized to me the day after he punched me. I laughed it off and knew he was stressed out. And I was guilty because I didn’t doink his sister, but I did kiss her and that was kind of in the same ballpark… ish.

“Hellooooooo? Earth to Ge-RARRRRD!” Mikey waved his skinny as fingers in front of my face and I shook my head and looked at him in annoyance.

“What?”

“We’ve been in neutral for like 3 minutes now and you have English Lit first up and I have Bio, so I suggest we get a move on and pick up the rest of the guys?”

I rolled my eyes, but put the car into drive anyway. I hadn’t even realized I was in the car already. The past five days have been a haze. It’s like I’ve been on autopilot. I think the longest time I’ve been away from Sarah was when we both had chicken pox when we were 7 and our parents tried to quarantine us. But we all sneaked out anyway and ended up giving Frank and Ray and even little Mikey chicken pox as well. I think our parents just collectively sighed and let us all hang out in my house because, what the hell, we were all sick anyway.

As I was driving to Ray’s, I thought of how Sarah cried because she was so itchy and she had oven mitts taped on her hands so she wouldn’t scratch, so I stole a pair of scissors for her and cut off her mitts crudely, because my own hands were in mitts too. Mom was so fucking pissed. I shredded a pair of her mitts and she saw Sarah delightedly scratching her tummy. She still has scars on her tummy because of that scratching rampage she went on.

“Whatcha smilin’ about?” Ray asked as soon as he got in the car.

I shook my head, “Just so happy to see your beautiful face and be graced with your presence. The past 12 hours have been simply unbearab—“

“Shut the fuck up!”

I chuckled and continued to the familiar route to Frank and Sarah’s house, remembering with disdain that Sarah wasn’t here. Instead, Mikey occupied her normal place in the passenger’s seat. I could tell he was a bit apprehensive about losing shotgun again, but I didn’t care. It’s been that way since I could remember. Then again, he does get the middle hump in the backseat, so I guess I don’t blame him for savoring the passenger’s seat while he can.

“What up bitchaaaas!” Frank yelled as soon as he got in.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” everyone yelled in unison.

We made it to our personal hellhole and practically dragged ourselves out of the car. I slammed my door and locked the car and heaved my backpack over one shoulder. Ugh.

“So when’s she getting home?” I ask Frank in the most nonchalant manner I could muster, but it probably sounded like I was choking on my own saliva.

“If not this afternoon, early tomorrow morning. I’m not too sure. Dad’s at the hospital now signing paperwork and shit” he shrugged dejectedly.

I put a hand on his shoulder “C’mon, man, it’ll be fine. If she doesn’t remember anything yet, she soon will.” I gave him a weak smile.

He halfheartedly shrugged off my hand, “She remembers you.” He raced to his class leaving me in his lurch.
I sighed and made my way to English Lit with Ray. We were already late, so we just took our sweet ass time getting to the room. After we came in and everyone’s head whipped towards our direction and the teacher handed us a tardy slip each, we settled into our seats at the back.

I stuffed the pink piece of paper inside my backpack. I’ve practically got a collection that can cover an entire wall of my room. So does Ray. And probably Mikes and Frank. Obviously due to my lateness because I was the designated driver of the group until Ray gets a car. Sarah doesn’t even have her license. She’s been too lazy to do the test and besides she figures she has me to drive her around whenever she pleases. Which she kinda does, I guess. Until I had Anna and she had James and we drifted a bit.

Eyeing the back of Anna’s head, I sighed deeply. I really regret losing all that time with Sarah to be with this vapid bitch.
Ray elbowed me and sent me a questioning glance and I shook my head to indicate I was fine. I drowned out the entire lesson, instead focusing on all the shitty fights Anna and I had. And then remembering that Sarah had been there for me after each and every one of them. I’d been such a dick these past few months. Being with Anna made me completely forget everyone. There was this day when they all had to walk to school because I was with Anna and I totally forgot to pick everyone up and they just waited and gave up after half an hour and walked to the school. It was like a 30 minute walk and I remember it was hot as fuck that day and our school uniforms are basically made from the collected fur of 20 polar bears. So imagine my surprise and shame when I see my best friends crawl through the school gates, sweat dripping down their foreheads with the uniforms practically stuck to their body.

And all I could do was murmur a hasty apology and head back to an impatient Anna tapping her foot by my car.

I’m surprised they didn’t disown me then and there. And when Sarah got with James, I was an even worse friend by not seeing how much of a dickhead that James guy was. I was too busy fighting with Anna all the time to see that my best friend was being conned.

The bell rang for next period and Ray and I parted ways. He had Algebra and I had Art—which I usually had with Sarah, but seeing as she’s kind of tied up right now, I’ve been flying solo in that class. Which is okay, I guess. Without Sarah there, I actually got some form of work done. Ever since the whole sandbox debacle when we were 5, we’ve been inseparable. I don’t know how we do it, but we manage to talk all the goddamn time. I don’t think we’d ever run out of things to say to each other. Even after 13 years, no one can still shut us up when we’re in a room together. I think the art teacher’s pretty grateful that Sarah hasn’t been here in a while because it’s the first time there’s been peace and quiet all year.

I glanced at the empty stool next to my own and felt the familiar twinge of sadness that I felt whenever Sarah wasn’t around. I focused on my work again, scrutinizing every brush stroke. The teacher wandered over and commended me on my work and I shrugged and mumbled a response. Of course she said it was good, it’s her fucking job to do that.

The remainder of the day was as bland as the rest of them. It’s alarming how dull conversation had become without Sarah snort-laughing at everything. We also noticed how little lunch we all actually pack without Sarah handing out bags of chips or cookies. We never realized how much she cared for us. And it took her being in a coma for us to really appreciate all the shit she does for the group. Mikey was the one that reminded us on the first day we all went to school without Sarah.

“Is anyone else… hungrier?” he said when we were driving home.

We all looked at each other and started kind of frowning and nodding.

“Yeah, I don’t feel satisfied.”

“My stomach feels lonely.”

“But we just had lunch like two hours ago.”

“It feels like lightyears ago!”

We mulled over why we were suddenly so hungry when Mikey practically shot up from his seat.

“It’s because Sarah wasn’t here to give us those small snacks she always brings!”

We all nodded in agreement, but a silence fell in the car. We took Sarah for granted until she was in a hospital bed and we were starving on a drive home.

“We’re such jackasses.” I said finally.

“Yep”

“You betcha.”

“Jack ass numero uno.”

We spent the rest of the drive in silence, each of us lost in our thoughts.

Today after I dropped everyone off (including Mikey, who wanted to play video games with Frank), I made a pit stop to Starbucks. I happily shelled out the 6 bucks for a cup of the wondrous shit. Yeah, it’s overpriced, but I’d spend my last dollar on this shit.

I emptied the cup before I reached my house. I planned on actually doing some form of homework tonight so I wouldn’t flunk anything. I may hate school, but I do want to go to college. Especially this visual arts one in New York. So I can’t fuck around anymore like Mikey and Frank. I actually gotta start doing well. I groaned audibly, thinking of the mountain of homework that awaited me.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I failed to notice a figure sitting on the couch. I still didn’t notice when I was kicking off my shoes and struggling out of my coat until I heard a small cough.

I whipped my head around, alarmed by the noise because I knew no one else would be home until much later. What I saw on the couch made my breath hitch. I had let my coat fall to the ground and I felt myself just stand there and stare.

“…Sarah?”

Notes

This is the last chapter I've had pre-typed, so now I actually have to start writing again uh oh! Updates might be a bit slower now. I'm still torn on which direction I'll take this story. I'm also working on a new story. Agh, multi-tasking!

Anyway, thanks for reading. Comments, ratings and subscriptions would be grand!

xo