“Do not,” I grit my teeth as I put the key in the ignition “Say a goddamn word.”

Mikey clamped his mouth shut and looked straight ahead. As we drove home, I could see his eyes dart towards my direction every so often and he’d open his mouth only to whimper.

I don’t fucking know what happened.

After Sarah said my name the entire room went quiet and then Frank got up and straight up punched me in the face. It didn’t even register until I was on the ground and there was blood spurting out of my nose. Of course this was the perfect time for all of our parents to arrive. Followed by nurses and the doctor.

Of course everyone was elated that Sarah was awake. Weird, but awake. But you couldn’t really ignore an 18 year old boy bleeding on the floor. Frank was pulled aside by his mom and Mikey dragged me to my car before I could react.

I did take one last look at Sarah though. She had a bewildered expression on her face and she honestly just looked... lost.

I sighed as we pulled up into our driveway.

“Fine, say it.”

Mikey let out a quick exhale “WhywouldSarahknowwhoyouarebutforgetFrankdidyouhavesexwithherGeeohmygod oh my god oh my god.” He clapped his hands over his mouth and looked at me worriedly.

I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head “First of all, what the fuck was that? That was all one fucking word. Did you really expect me—or any human ever—to understand that?”

“Why did Sarah know you? The way she looked at Frank… it was like she’s never seen him before in her entire life.” He started twiddling his thumbs “Same goes for me and Ray. But when she saw you…” he shrugged helplessly.

I absently rubbed my jaw where Frank had punched me. It wasn’t too sore, but I bet it was gonna bruise.

“I just don’t understand why the fucking prick clocked me.”

“Well… the uh tension,” he crept closer to me and whispered “The sexual kind,”

I halfheartedly shoved him away.

“Yeah uh that tension was all up in our faces. And when she said your name Frank kinda figured you porked his sister…”
I slammed my hands on the steering wheel “Well I fucking didn’t!”

“I’m sure Frank’s just stressed and he’ll come ‘round later and apologize?” Mikey rubbed the back of his neck helplessly.
I opened my car door and got out. “Fucking whatever.”

“Gee, come on. He’s been through a lot these past few days. Cut him some slack, alright?”

I leaned on the side of my car and lit a cigarette, mulling things over.

Mikey was headed inside, but he turned around to say something “And, uh, trust me… there was some definite sexy tension going on. I could have cut it, whittled something out of it and given it to someone as a present.”

“Fuck off, Mikey!”

He scurried inside the house and shut the door behind him.

---

One week earlier:

“Yeah I’m gonna go out for a smoke as well,” I got off the couch and gave the controller to Mikey. Ray shot me a knowing look. Thankfully Frank was still emerged in the game.

I walked briskly to the front porch where I found her already halfway through a cigarette.

“Those things are gonna kill ya,” I say with a cigarette between my lips as I settled down next to her.

She smiled and took a drag. We were silent for a while. She was engrossed in her thoughts and I was engrossed in, well, her.

“I can’t wait for school to end.” She said as she stubbed out her cigarette.

I nodded in agreement. I was relieved to see her light up another one, meaning she wouldn’t be leaving my side yet. “Let’s go to New York, S.”

“Wasn’t that already the plan?” she stuck her tongue out at me.

God, she was beautiful. The sun was setting and its remaining rays danced in her eyes. She didn’t look away and I could not, for the life of me, look away. Her long brown hair fell in waves and I resisted the urge to brush a lock behind her ear. Her lips were slightly parted and I couldn’t help but wonder how they would feel on my own. I noticed her breathing was shallow and that she was looking at me the same way I was looking at her.

“Gee, I—“

I held her nape and brought her face towards mine. Our lips collided almost violently and I felt her moan into me. This kiss was a long time coming. And it was probably a good 13 years overdue. Our mouths moved against each other so knowingly and I wondered why we haven’t been doing this all along. I felt my lips curve up into a smile and I felt her softly pull away. She softly kissed the side of my mouth before cupping my cheek with her hand. The cigarette in her other hand had long ago gone out and the one I had was on the ground between us.

“Wow,” she breathed out.

“Yeah,” my eyes widened “Wow is pretty fucking right.”

We heard the door knob jangle and we immediately flew apart. I stubbed out my cigarette and stood up quickly and so did she.

“Uh, guys? You’ve been out here for a while…” Ray poked his head out. He was quick to notice our flushed cheeks and the shit-eating grin that would not leave my face if I tried.

Sarah dusted off the seat of her pants and went back into the house wordlessly. I was about to follow suit, but Ray put a hand on my chest and he stepped outside.

“You know Frank’s gonna flip out, right?” he said after a while.

I snorted in derision “I’m fucking scared,”

He gave me a pointed look.

I sighed and got another cigarette from the pack. “Yeah, I know, I know,” I put the stick between my lips and lit it “But, Ray… it’s her, man. I think it’s always been her. I’ve just been a fucking idiot all this time.”

He made a noise that indicated I should continue. “I don’t know, I’ve known her since I was five years old. That’s a long time to know someone. I’ve seen her in nothing but Barbie panties and she’s seen me in Batman briefs.”

He shot me a surprised look.

I laughed “Nah man, we were like 6 and we made mudpies and her mom was less than impressed. She threw our clothes in the washing machine and we were left in our underwear. We tried not to look at each other while we waited for our clothes.”

“Why didn’t her mom just give you guys new clothes?”

I shrugged “To punish us by embarrassing us, maybe?” I took a drag and exhaled slowly “I know everything about her. Maybe I know too much about her. Agh, I don’t fuckin’ know anymore. All I know is when that bitch Anna ripped my heart out, Sarah was the only person who could make me feel human again. She ripped the bottle out of my hand and told me to grow the fuck up and look around at the people I was hurting.” A small smile tugged at my lips at the memory of Sarah flushing all the booze down the toilet while I whimpered helplessly.

Ray nodded slowly “Maybe Frank thinks you’re gonna use his sister as a rebound, you know? She may be older than him, but he looks out for her like crazy. Especially since that douche of an ex of hers cheated on her and dumped her.”

I gritted my teeth, angry at the memory “That guy was such a fucking asshole. I don’t know what she saw in him anyway. Fuck, Ray, what do I do? I just kissed her and I don’t wanna stop kissing her. I wish I could go in there and hold the fuck out of her hand and be the dork that drives her home and shit.”

“I don’t know, Gerard. Her heart just got broken literally two weeks ago and I know you’re still angry over Anna. Is it a good idea to jump into this when both of you aren’t a hundred percent right now?”
I finished my cigarette and internally hated Ray for being right. The sun was almost completely gone now and the wind was getting nippy.

“You’re probably right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wanna kiss her like mad.”

“I know,” then he chuckled “Remember how you told me that story of how you guys met?”

I laughed at the memory “Oh man, I think it pretty much summarizes our entire friendship!”

“What’d she do again? Bury your head in the sand like an ostrich?”

“Nah, I stomped over to her at the sandbox and she was building… fuckin’ something, I don’t know. And I think I said something like ‘that’s stupid’ and stepped on it. And at first she looked so sad and I was gonna say sorry cos I thought she was about to cry. Then that tiny brown haired thing stood up, got me in a headlock and basically took me down. I remember having so much sand in my mouth. To this day I still can’t stand anything grainy like watermelon, eugh.” I made a face at the memory of dirty sand that couldn’t be washed out of my mouth for days.

“Our mothers rushed over and tore us apart. Or basically saved me from an intense chokehold from a tiny 5 year old girl. I remember Mikey toddled over and hid behind mom’s legs. He was 3 at the time. I think Frank was sick or whatever cos I remember there was a stroller there. After my mom got Sarah off me, her mom started apologizing so much. I remember scraping sand out of my mouth with my bare hands and Sarah was behind her mother with her arms crossed and tapping her foot. In her mind I was still the jerk even though she wrestled me to the ground and like force fed me sand!”

Ray was bellowing by this point and I was laughing as well “But while our mothers were talking I walked over to Sarah and said ‘sowwy’ and she hugged me and held my hand to drag me to the slides. Our mothers didn’t even notice until we were on the slide, holding tightly onto one another and giggling.”

“Aw man, I can’t believe she fuckin’ got you in a headlock. And she was five!” Ray’s laughter subsided, but his smile remained.

“And I was the one who said sorry as well. She was stubborn and angry and impulsive and trusting and kind all at once, and she still is.” I shook my head sadly as Ray and I began to walk back inside.

“I knew then, you know?” he stopped in his tracks and looked at me questioningly as he opened the door.

“Knew what?”

Through the small crack open, I saw her emerge from the kitchen with some sodas she handed to Frank and Mikey before she sat down on the couch. She must have seen me because she shot me a small smile and I saw her cheeks flush red.

“Knew that this was the girl that was gonna change my life. Because even then, I think I already loved her.”

---

I collapsed on my bed and groaned at the flashback of kissing Sarah. More than anything, I'd love to race back to the hospital and kiss the living fuck out of her and tell her that I've been stupid and I've probably loved her for 13 fucking years. But now isn't the time.

I hardly think confronting someone who just woke up from a coma is romantic.

Notes

Updates have been slow because I'm really torn on where this story should or will go. Sometimes I think of scrapping it and starting a new one, but I'm gonna have to perservere with this one. There are some chapters I've already thought up in my head so I just need to bridge them together.

Again, comments, subscriptions and ratings would be fantastic!

xo