November 12th, 1992
It's been 13 days since Frankie's party, Gerard and myself aren't dating actually I haven't talked to him since that night. He never comes to see me and he won't sit with me at lunch anymore, I can't help but feel I messed up this friendship and it really sucks.
I've taken to sitting alone by the library during lunch I don't eat, I draw. Frankie used to sit with me but I made him go back to the table. They were Gee's friends first not mine. I wish I'd never said anything, actually no I wish Gerard hadn't opened his fucking mouth and said those three little words that hold so much meaning.
Tomorrow's my birthday though who knows maybe I'll get my wish and Gee will talk to me again, that's all I want I just want my best friend back. I'm a little hurt by the whole ignoring thing though, but I miss him more.
*
My alarm started to blare Green Day, I shut it off, I hadn't slept all night. I missed Gee so much I just wish he would climb in through the window and we can pretend that nothing ever happened on that wonderful but terrible day. I got out of my bed and got dressed, I actually made an effort with my hair and makeup. I slung my backpack on and bundled up, it's fucking cold in Jersey I lived in Ohio and I thought it was cold there but nope it's a lot worse here.
My brother and sister were already downstairs and there was a plate of cake along with a cup of coffee.
"Happy 16th birthday!" They both yelled as I came all the way downstairs.
"Thanks guys, you didn't have to do that though."
"Yes we did, this is a big day. I'm taking you to take your test after school by the way." Lace said smiling, I think she's more excited about me turning 16 than I am.
I sat down and ate my cake and drank at least 3 cups of coffee, I put my dishes in the sink and headed towards the front door.
"Bye guys I'll see you later."
"Bye happy birthday!" They shouted in unison. I rolled my eyes and stepped outside smacking right into Gerard Arthur Way. I looked up into his beautiful hazel eyes, his skin was paler than it used to be, he's lost a lot of weight, and he looked sick.
"Sorry." I mumbled.
"No it was my fault. I was just coming to say happy birthday, so erm happy birthday!"
"Thanks." I looked down at my shoes, "What are you doing here Gerard?"
"I wanted to apologize, I'm so sorry I've been ignoring you but I didn't know how to deal with being in love with my best friend."
"Stop."
"Why? I can't say I love you because I do I love you so much."
"Gerard you can't just do this to me, you can't stop talking to me than start again by saying you love me!"
"Come to New York with me, let's get out of here. It's my treat."
"No Gerard."
"Please I want to make it up to you."
I sighed and looked back at my house, "Fine let's get out of here."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the car, "You won't regret this I promise."
"I better not." I mumbled getting in the car and buckling myself in, Gee climbed in beside me and smiled at me.
"I got you a present." He mumbled looking around, he was even more scatter brained than he used to be and I was worried. This wasn't my Gerard.
"Gee?"
He looked up at me, "You called me Gee."
I nodded, "Are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He's lying I could tell.
"No you aren't what's going on?"
"Nothing!" He said raising his voice.
I shrunk back in my seat and watched Gerard put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry."
"What's going on Gee? You can tell me."
"I can't though, I can't tell you Lex. You'll be so disappointed in me."
"Gee I'm scared what's going on?"
"I'm so low Lex, I've gotten so low. I'm high and drunk so much now. I've been trying to fill the emptiness, but I realize the only thing missing from my life is you. I want you to understand that even if you don't want to date me I still want to have you around as a friend. Your my best friend Lex, I almost let you slip completely away from me but I'm not letting it happen again. Please forgive me."
I wrapped my arms around him pulling him towards me, "I was never mad at you, I was confused I blamed myself for everything. Your forgiven Gee."
"Thank god, so friends?"
"Best friends Gee."
He smiled, "Hey I have an idea, we should go visit my Grandma, unless you have your heart set on going to New York."
"Will she be alright with us coming to see her?"
"She'll love it trust me." He started the car and backed out of my driveway pulling onto the highway and driving a few miles north then stopping in front of a nice looking house, it looked a lot like my own grandmother's. He parked the car and killed the engine getting out as I did too, I followed him up to the front door where he knocked.
The door was opened by what I assumed was grandma Elena, "Gerard! Come in honey come in!" She pulled both of us into the warm house. "It's so nice to see you."
"Grandma you saw me Saturday."
"You weren't here Saturday Gerard."
He looked confused for a second before dropping it, "Grandma this is my friend Lex, Lex this is my Grandma Elena."
"Oh so this is Lex, she's just as pretty as you said she is."
"Grandma!" Gee protested.
"Oh hush honey, hello Lex it's so nice to finally meet you after hearing so much about you."
"It's nice to meet you too ma'am. I've heard a lot about you as well."
"Polite I like that, she's a keeper Gerard. I hope it was good things."
Gee blushed a deep red and I giggled, "So what brings you two here?"
"Neither of us wanted to go to school, and it's Lex's birthday today."
"Well that's a special occasion, your turning 16 I presume."
"Yes ma'am."
"That's a very special day, well it looks like we're going to have to celebrate doesn't it Gerard."
"I believe so Grandma."
"Don't worry about it ma'am I don't want to trouble you."
"Nonsense your my grandson's friend, now come on honey. Just leave your jacket and shoes by the door."
I shrugged off my coat hanging it up by the door and then set to work on pulling my boots off, I set those down by the door as well and followed Gerard into the kitchen, he laced his fingers through mine and I immediately blushed bright red. And of course Gerard's grandmother had to notice.
"Gerard stop torturing the poor girl."
I groaned and hid my face while Gee just laughed, it was nice to hear him laugh again. I didn't realize that 14 days of him ignoring me would make me miss the little things about him, but I did, I had missed his laugh, the way his eyes shine when he talks about his art, his personality, the cute way he talks out of the side of his mouth, and of course his hugs, each of which surround you with his smell, the smell that I had missed terribly. It's normal to feel that way for your best friend right? I really hope so.
"Hey Lex!" Gee was snapping his fingers in front of my face, "anyone home?"
"Stop it." I pushed his hand away while smiling.
"What's got you so smiley today?"
I shrugged, "Nothing, everything, I dunno."
He shook his head and we headed farther into the house, his grandma was bustling around in the kitchen, "Would you like some coffee Lex?" Gee was about to pipe up but she cut him off, "I know you want some Gee there's no point asking, but what about you Lex?"
"Yes please ma'am."
"That's enough with the ma'am's call me grandma or Elena."
"Yes ma'am I mean Elena."
"That's more like it, so how do you take your coffee Lex?"
"You don't have to do that Elena I can manage, just tell me where the sugar and milk is."
She pointed out all the things I asked for and I added them to the liquid magic known as coffee. I took a sip instantly feeling the warm liquid seep into my freezing joints, winter was going to be hell this year I could tell. Elena motioned for us to sit down and set bagels in front of us.
"So tell me about yourself Lex, I can never get any straight answers from my grandson. Where are you from?"
"I was born in Toledo, and then we moved down towards Cincinnati and then here."
"So Ohio eh?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Jersey's a lot colder so far isn't it."
"It sure is."
"What about family?"
"I have an older brother and an older sister they're twins, Lacey and David. And I have a cat, Luna."
"Mom and dad?"
"My mom and dad are married and work a lot."
"Oh I think Gee mentioned something about them, what did you say about them?" Gee was shaking his head trying to get her not to say something, "Oh never mind I can't remember." She said getting the hint.
I knew what they were talking about, she knew something was up with my parents Donna knew too, so it was no secret that Elena would get it soon.
"What do you like to do honey?"
"Oh um, I like to draw, paint, write, play guitar, really anything that gets the creative juices flowing."
"You and Gee really are quite a like, have you played for her Gee?"
"No I haven't I'm not very good grandma."
"Oh nonsense, your really good. What instruments can you play Lex?"
"Erm, piano, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, drums kind of, trumpet; I was in marching band, violin and that's about it I think."
"Holy shit I didn't know you could play all of that."
"Gerard Arthur Way watch your mouth!"
"Sorry grandma."
"So you were in marching band Lex?"
"Yes ma'am I was, I wasn't all that great but I had fun."
"That's all that's important. Are you into theatre?"
"I did mostly backstage stuff back in Ohio."
"Gerard why didn't you tell me she was so creative?"
"I didn't know!"
She tutted at him and I giggled, "Actually that's fair he didn't really know that stuff. Sorry Gee."
His grandma's eyes were watching us and I could see a smile on her features, she's such a nice lady. "Lex?"
I looked up at Elena, "Yes ma'am."
"Would you join me in the living room for a little chat?"
I looked at Gee confused who just shrugged his shoulders and motioned for me to follow her which I did. She sat down in a comfortable looking armchair and motioned for me to take a seat in an identical one across from her, which I obliged to.
"I know you like my grandson."
My eyes bulged at her words, "What? Erm. No that's ridiculous he's my best friend I don't like him, I mean at least I don't think I do, but I'm not sure I mean..."
"Your blabbering on I know you like him, when he wasn't talking to you he came here almost everyday he was upset, he felt he ruined your friendship. I kept telling him to talk to you but he never would. Lex he really likes you but I don't think high school is quite the place for relationships."
"I agree."
"I think maybe you two should just continue to be friends maybe this is just an innocent crush, who knows maybe in three years the only thing you two will be is friends. I just thought I would talk to you about this."
"I appreciate it Elena, I really only want to be friends with him right now anyways, I've never really had friends and I'm just too scared to lose him if we were to break up."
"See I knew you would understand where I'm coming from. But I give you my blessing to be more than friends if this buds into something more. I really hope it does you two are just so cute together, I haven't seen Gerard this happy in years."
"He makes me really happy as well Elena."
"I can see that, when you look into each other's eyes it's adorable, his eyes light up and so do yours. He hangs on every word you have to say and I think it's just the cutest."
I blushed and looked down, "Come on dear let's go back and join Gerard."
I got up and followed her back into the kitchen which was empty but Gee's coat was gone so I assumed he was outside taking a smoke break. "Is he smoking again? That boy..." She mumbled. The backdoor opened and in came Gerard he shut the door behind him and slipped his pack of cigarettes back into his pocket and hanging the coat back up.
"Sorry I needed a cigarette. Did I miss anything?"
"Girl talk Gee you wouldn't understand." She said.
He just nodded and looked away from us, "So Lex what are we doing to celebrate 16?"
I shrugged, "I've never had a birthday party."
"You've seriously never had a party?"
I shook my head, it was true I'd never had a proper party, I mean I have but those were when I was a toddler and I can't remember that. I never had any friends to invite to said parties. But now I have awesome friends, I just don't know how to have a party.
"We're changing that then."
"What are you going to do?"
"You'll see."
*
Gerard dropped me off at home after an awesome day with him and his grandma, he was right Elena reminded me a lot of my own grandma. I hopped out of the car and waved to Gee who pulled away from my house and sped three houses down to his place.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed to my front door unlocking it and pushing my way into the house, Luna was wondering around and Lacey was standing in front of me with her arms crossed, "Where have you been?"
"I um... I spent the day with Gerard."
"Where were you?"
"His grandparent's place."
She nodded not looking pleased, "Well we better get going if you want to get that license." I nodded dropping my bag and books then grabbing the papers I needed to get the damn thing.
She let me drive the car to the DMV where I hopped out and ran to the car I needed to be in, gave the instructor the papers and started the test.
*
I aced the test with flying colors, got my picture taken and drove back to my house, sitting in the front drive were Dave, my mom, dad, and another car. I parked Lacey's car where it needed to be and got out going inside.
"Did you get it?" Dave asked before I even had the chance to take a breath. I smiled and nodded showing him the card with my face, name, and the state.
"I'm so proud of you Lex!" He pulled me into a hug and let go, "Mom and dad have a surprise for you."
I was a little confused, I mean they don't really ever get me any surprises. I hestantly went into the dining room where my mom, dad, uncle, and grandma were sitting.
"Grandma! Uncle Trevor!"
Trevor was the first up, he pulled me into a hug and spun me around, "Hey kid, happy birthday."
I smiled and clung to him, he's been there for me for so long, he's never missed a theatre production, band performance, birthday, or holiday. "I missed you."
"I missed you too kid, but it wasn't as if I was going to miss this now was I?"
My grandma was behind him and pulled me into an even bigger hug, "Hi honey."
I nuzzled my head into her neck, she smelled just like she always did, cigarettes, chocolate chip cookies, and Chanel number 5 perfume. I'd missed her so much, I felt my cheeks get wet and pulled back before I got her pink dress ruined by my makeup. "Hi grandma."
"Happy 16 honey, now Hank get up and show your baby girl her present."
"Yes mom." He stood up and I followed behind him to the garage, "Happy birthday princess."
My dad hadn't called me that since I was 6, I actually smiled at him. "Thank you daddy."
"You know I love you so much right?"
I nodded, "I know dad."
"I'm sorry if it doesn't seem like it sometimes, it's just things aren't like they should be honey, I'll explain when your older."
I shook my head, "Can we not do this dad?"
He nodded, and put his hands over my eyes leading me into the garage, suddenly there was a bright light and sitting in front of me was the car I'd fawned over since I was 7, my grandfather's car, the one I pretty much grew up in. My jaw dropped, "I-is this mine?"
"You bet your ass it is kid. Take it for a spin." He tossed me the keys and I caught them, tackled my dad in a hug.
"Thank you so much dad."
"Your welcome honey, be careful okay?"
I nodded and hopped into the car, starting it and pulling down the driveway. It smelled just like I remember pine, tobacco, and mint the scents of my late grandpa. We used to take afternoon drives to the ice cream parlor, comic book store, and record store all the time in this thing. This car and me have more memories together than I have with my own mother.
I stopped in front of Gerard's house and honked, he looked out the window and I waved he smiled and ran out to join me, he slid in beside me. "Nice ride Lex."
"Thanks my dad gave it to me."
"Did you check it for bombs?"
"Not yet I guess we'll just have to take our chances." I started it back up and off we went, driving into the sunset, music playing through the speakers the two of our laughs mixing together in a melody. That's what life is about; friends, memories, and those who will always be there for you.
Gerard Way is that person that will always be there for me.