October 31st, 1992
I've been living in New Jersey for about three or four months now and it's actually been great, minus not really being able to go outside when it's dark.
Today is our dear Frankie's birthday, he's having a costume party and me and Gee are going as the Joker and Harley Quinn, no we are not dating we're just best friends and we've started to refer to each other as "the Harley Quinn to my Joker" or "The Joker to my Harley Quinn" it's a joke type of thing nothing serious.
School has been so shit lately somehow everyone at school found out about my suicide attempt and I was ridiculed mercilessly about it, until Bob got up and punched the lights out of someone for calling me a "suicidal freak", my parents have been ignoring me even more if that's possible I've gotten a few other piercings as well a smiley and my vertical labret. I love them a lot, I think they suit me really well, since becoming friends with Gee, Mikey, Ray, Frank, and Bob I've been feeling a lot better about myself I haven't cut in a month but I'm still abusing the pills and booze.
I was in so much shit with my brother and sister when I got home from being in New York with Gee but personally it was the best three days ever, yes we ended up staying there for more than an afternoon and night. Neither of us wanted to go to school so we figured, why not?
Gee got in a lot of trouble as well and got his car taken away which sucked, and I felt like it was my fault which he would be quick to assure me it wasn't, he's actually just recently gotten the car back.
But anyways enough dwelling on the past let's get to the present shall we?
*
I was in my bathroom finishing off on my hair I was just finishing off tying red and black ribbons into my pigtails, when I saw Gee climb in through my window and sit down on my bed.
"Honey I'm home." He said smirking.
"Hey Gee."
"You seriously look like her right now it's insane." He was staring at me through the mirror.
I rolled my eyes, "I don't even have my costume on."
"So what you look like Harley right now."
"You look like Joker." He had sprayed his hair with green and did his makeup white, with red lips that stretched upwards. He looked really cute in his purple suit.
"Well thank you Harley."
"No problem Mr. J." I said putting on Harley's high pitched voice.
I walked out of the bathroom and over to my costume it wasn't like the older jumpsuit type of costume I didn't have time to go out and buy new stuff so I'm putting a twist on the costume, a pair of ripped black leggings, a skirt that's black and red, a tank top that's also black and red with the designs of cards, a pair of knee high black and red boots, then the hat she always has. My hair was up in pigtails and I thought I looked really cute, I pulled on my mask and turned to Gee who's jaw dropped when he saw me.
"Do you like it?"
"You look awesome!"
I blushed and looked down, "Thanks Gee."
He smiled at me, "Come on let's go!"
I nodded and smiled, grabbing Gee's hand and dragging him out my bedroom door, I called a goodbye to my brother and sister, then out the front door and into the cool October almost November air.
"Come on Mr. J." I started to spin around in circles and fell into the pile of leaves on my front lawn pulling Gee down with me.
We laid there a few seconds looking up at the sky which was changing from a blue to a pink color, I looked over at Gee who was staring at me.
"What?"
"I haven't ever seen you this happy."
"You make me happy, I'm so happy your my best friend."
His eyes dulled a little when I called him a best friend but he quickly covered it up with a smile, "I'm so happy you moved here. Now come on let's go to Frankie's!"
I got up and followed Gee into his car, "Miss. Quinn."
"Thanks Mr. J."
On the ride to Frankie's we got some stares from people, "it's halloween mother fuckers get over it!" I shouted out the window.
That made Gerard laugh so hard we couldn't breath for a couple minutes. I turned the volume on the radio up and danced along to The Misfits-American Psycho.
"How much coffee have you had?" Gee asked laughing at me.
"A lot!" I shouted.
We pulled up at Frank's house and I froze there were actually a lot of cars out front. Gee grabbed my hand and rubbed the back of it, "We don't have to stay long if you don't want to."
"Are you crazy? This is our best friend's birthday party of course we're staying."
"Just trying to help."
"I know you are but come on let's go."
Gee killed the engine and hopped out, I unbuckled and opened the car door, "Hey that's my job!" Gee said in front of the car.
"Sorry!"
I shut the door and followed Gerard up to the front door, the house was shaking from the music being played, he opened the door and walked into the house that was decorated amazing.
"Hey guys!" Frankie said rushing up to us. "Matching costume themes huh?"
"As we've told you for the past two months we are not dating Frank!" I said over the music.
"Sure you aren't."
We both rolled our eyes but I hugged Frankie, "Happy birthday buddy!"
"Thanks!"
"Here I know you said no presents but it needed to be done." I handed him a little box and he pulled off the lid, and held up a little guitar pick. "I caught it at The Misfits show I was at in Chicago I thought you should have it."
He pulled me into a bone crushing hug, "I could fucking kiss you right now!"
I pulled away from him, "No need for that. Where's the booze? You do have some don't you?"
"I'm Frank Iero of course my fucking party has alcohol it's over there." He pointed towards the kitchen and I walked in pushing past people and grabbing a cup pouring a generous amount of whiskey into the cup then drowning it, I filled the cup a second time and finished it. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and did the same thing, I switched back and forth drinking about 8 glasses of alcohol. I was a little tipsy but certainly not drunk, I felt a presence behind me so I spun around to face Mikey.
"Hey Mikes."
"Hey you look nice."
"Thanks, you do too."
"Are you drunk?"
"No I am tipsy there's a difference. Hey I have an idea we should play spin the bottle!" I ran away from the kitchen and into Frankie, "Let's play spin the bottle mother fucker!"
"Okay! Everyone downstairs we're playing spin the bottle."
When we reached the basement I recognized quite a few faces, there was a girl I had English with her name is Genevieve, then there was Alex he's in my photography class, there was a girl named Venus who lived right next door to Frankie, and of course Ray, Bob, Mikey, and Gerard, and a couple other people that I didn't recognize. Frankie started since he was the birthday boy and ended up kissing a girl named Jamia I think. Mikey got Venus and he blushed a little but quickly pecked her on the lips and pulled away. Bob got Genevieve he kissed her but nothing too gross, Ray kissed a girl named Bailey I think. Alex kissed Venus and that was a full on make out session, he flipped us off when we started yelling gross and get a room.
I was the only girl that hadn't gotten a kiss yet, Gerard grabbed the bottle and spun it, just my luck it landed on me. My eyes widened and I looked and Gerard who was already pulling me towards him. When our lips finally collided I felt like I had caught on fire every nerve in my body was tingling, I closed my eyes and Gerard's tongue licked my bottom lip, but I held my ground and pulled away.
"Finally!" Everyone shouted. I hid my face in Gee's chest.
"Shut up guys it's just a game." Gee said.
In that moment my heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest and stabbed then stepped on a million times. I felt the breath get knocked out of me, I ripped my face from his chest.
I let out a shaky laugh, "Yeah guys it's just a dumb game it didn't mean anything." I got up, "I need to use the bathroom- actually I'm lying I need a smoke I'll be right back." I climbed the stairs and grabbed the bottles of whiskey and vodka from the kitchen and went out to the backyard to smoke and drink my sorrows away, I was such a fucking moron for thinking Gerard had even a slight crush on me. We were playing spin the bottle for fuck's sake that game is about kissing not feelings.
"I'm a moron." I whispered swishing the vodka around in the bottle then putting my lips to it and drinking, it burned down my throat but I just put my cigarette to my lips and took a drag.
"You aren't a moron I am."
*Gerard's POV*
"Yeah guys it's just a dumb game it didn't mean anything." Lex said standing up from beside me, "I need to use the bathroom- actually I'm lying I need a smoke I'll be right back." I watched her retreating back and couldn't help but feel like I had really fucked it up this time.
I heard the backdoor slam and I looked up at everyone, "I really fucked it up this time didn't I?"
"What the fuck was that Gee? You like her we can all see that, she likes you too! Why can't you just get over it and tell her already?" Frank said.
"I can't okay! Have you seen her? She makes me nervous!"
"Get your fucking ass up there right now Gerard Way! And don't come back down until she's forgiven you. Or you'll have to walk home in the dark." Ray said.
"You won't know I have my car."
"Oh really?" Mikey asked holding up my keys. I patted my pockets and sure enough there in his hands sat my car keys. Ray laughed and I rolled my eyes.
"Fine I'm going I'm going."
I went upstairs and took a deep breath before opening the backdoor and stepping into a war zone where every step I took there could be a land mine.
There she was sitting in the middle of the yard smoking and drinking like a fish, I felt terrible for making her this upset. She swished around the alcohol in the bottle before taking a huge gulp and then just taking a drag of her cigarette.
"I'm a moron." She said.
"You aren't a moron I am." Her head whipped back towards me. "Do you mind if I sit down?"
She shrugged and just continued to smoke and drink, so I sat down beside her, I pulled a cigarette out and lit it up taking a drag then the unexpected happened Lex passed me the bottle of whiskey that was sitting in front of her.
"If we're going to have this conversation you need some alcohol." She said smiling at me but it was forced I could tell.
I took a swig after swig chasing each of them with a drag from my cigarette. "I'm sorry." I said.
"I know you are." She smiled at me. "It's okay though it was just a game no big deal."
"It wasn't just no big deal to me." I said.
"Gee please don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't fuck up this friendship by admitting you like me please."
"I don't like you."
"Thank god."
I leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, "I love you."
She turned towards me and her eyes widened but I caught her with a kiss, she kissed back just as passionately.
"I love you too." She whispered against my lips.