Frankie and Gerard spent the entire night with me they even tried to calm me down when I woke up screaming and thrashing around, they looked terrified and I felt terrible. Gee held me while I cried and I don't think I can even thank him enough for that, I doubt either of them slept all night I know I didn't, when the sun came up I stood up from my bed, but I wasn't feeling the whole going to school thing.
"Do you guys want to skip?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Frank said in the most dead voice ever. "We can go to my place my mom won't mind she wants to meet you anyways."
"Are you sure Frankie? I don't want to intrude, I think I'll just stay here, my folks won't notice, they didn't notice I was asleep and possibly dying." I mumbled the last part but Gee looked at me with sad eyes.
I looked down, "I'm sure Lex, me and Gee always hang at my place when we skip trust me mom doesn't care."
"Alright." I stood up and went into my bathroom shutting the door and starting to shower hoping in washing quickly and getting back out to start on my hair, I pulled on my clothes. I left my hair in it's current curly unruly state and just straightened my side bangs, then I did my makeup like I usually do, I changed my stud in my nose to a ring, I put in my plugs and my second ear piercing as well as my three cartilage piercings. One good thing about your parents completely ignoring your existence is I can get whatever I want pierced, they sign I just have to pay. I stepped out of the bathroom and faced the guys, "Alright I'm ready."
"I never noticed how many piercing you have Lex. Doesn't it ever hurt?" Gee asked cringing slightly at the thought of getting pierced.
"Not really it's like a prick really nothing more than that, I enjoy it. I really want a tattoo though but I'm waiting until I go back to Ohio to see my grandma, my Uncle Trevor has a shop in Bowling Green."
"That's fucking rad Lex."
"He's cool, more of a older brother than a Uncle."
"Can your Uncle be my older brother?" Frank asked.
"Sorry Frankie he's mine."
I grabbed my bag off the back of the chair and led the guys out the front door locking it behind me, Frank led the way to his house. I followed silently behind Gee and Frankie and they kept shooting me worried glances but I tried my best to ignore it.
They both looked back once more and I finally lost it, "What?! What the fuck are you guys looking at?!"
Gee's eyes widened and so did Frankie's, they both looked down and mumbled "Nothing."
I just looked back down realizing I had hurt my best friends by yelling at them, no one talked for the remainder of the walk and then we reached Frankie's house; he pulled out his keys unlocking the door and letting us all in. "Mom!"
"Hey Frankie I'm in the kitchen honey."
He walked towards what I assumed was the kitchen and went up to his mom kissing her on the cheek, "Hi honey shouldn't you be at school, and where did you get off to last night? You dropped the phone and ran out whispering Lex."
"That would be me Ms. Iero." I said from behind Frank.
"Nice to meet you Lex, Frank over here won't shut up about you some days."
I blushed and looked down, "Okay well I'm assuming it's a skip day today, I have to go to work, so my only rules are to be good please. I'll be back around seven Frankie." She said grabbing her purse and car keys, "Bye Gerard, nice meeting you Lex. Bye Frankie."
"Bye Ms. Iero/Mom." We chorused back.
The guys turned towards me and I just looked down, I do it a lot not wanting to look at others, not wanting to see the disappointment in their eyes. "Where's your bathroom?"
"Down the hall to the left, you okay?"
"Yeah fine." I left walking into the bathroom locking the door and falling to the floor I couldn't start taking pills right now and I definitely couldn't cut, so I pulled my lighter out of my bag and pulled a bobby pin from my hair. I held the pin over the lighter waiting for it to become warm, then I pressed it against my skin over and over until I had red welts, then I repeated the process, until someone knocked on the door.
"Hey Lex you okay in there?" Gee asked
"Fine." I answered. "Actually can you get Frankie I need to talk to him."
"Um sure." I heard his footsteps retreat some talking then another knock on the door.
"Lex you okay in there."
"Make them stop." I whispered.
"What honey? I didn't hear you." I unlocked the door and pulled Frank inside then locked the door again.
"Make them stop." I said looking straight into his eyes.
He pushed my hair out of my eyes, "Make what stop?"
"The voices!" I screamed.
I heard Gerard stumble into the room but I was already on the ground clutching my head screaming. They both looked at each other with wide eyes not knowing what to do. Gerard fell beside me and pulled me towards him rocking me back and forth.
"Shh... It's okay they can't get you while I'm here."
"Make them stop Gee, I'm scared of them make them stop please."
"Frankie look through her bag."
"No!" I screamed ripping my bag from Frankie's hands, it held my pills, razors, alcohol, cigarettes, weed, everything important to me and to my self destruction.
Gerard snatched it right out of my hands, "look through it see if there's something that'll help her."
Frankie held up bottles upon bottles of pills, "What are these Lex?"
I looked away from him shrugging, "Nothing."
He read the labels on the bottles, everything was under my name. I never get help for my disorders I get more pills, Frank looked up at me and ran across the room pulling me into a hug. "Jesus christ Lex, how many pills do you have to take?"
"A fair amount."
"That's not a fair amount." Gee said. "Your bag is like a walking pharmacy."
I laughed a little, "It's nothing, don't worry your pretty little heads about it okay?"
"Like hell I'm not going to worry."
I rolled my eyes, "Just go okay? I need to be alone."
Gerard looked a little hurt but I turned away and grabbed my bag pushing the two of them out. I took out my pills and my whiskey bottle, I made a cocktail of pills and started to feel the familiar foggy, blurry feeling. It masked everything, all the hurt and I was so thankful for it.
I stuffed everything back in the bag and grabbed my lighter and cigarettes, I walked past Frank's room where I heard them talking about me, then outside and I sat on the steps pulling a cigarette out and lighting it up. I took a drag then let out the cloud of smoke, I pulled my jacket closer around myself.
"That'll kill you ya know?"
I looked up at Gee's black hair covered face, "That's what I'm hoping for." I mumbled taking another drag.
Gee stole one from the carton and lit it up, "But who am I to lecture."
I smirked and finished off my cigarette pulling another out and lighting it up, I finished that one off even before Gee was done with his first. I reached for another but Gee grabbed my hand. "Slow down there, you'll die for sure."
"What does it matter?" I turned away from him and crossed my arms over my chest. I pulled out another pill making it look like it was a mint and swallowed I took a sip from the bottle without Gee noticing and instantly I felt even more foggy.
"You okay?"
"Fine." I finally managed to get out.
"What's wrong with you?"
I shrugged, "Lots of things."
"Like? There's lots of things wrong with me too."
"Just drop it okay Gee? You wouldn't understand."
"I wouldn't understand? Okay yeah sure."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You have a family that actually gives a shit about you, your little brother thinks your like superman or something! My family doesn't give two shits about me Gerard! So please tell me how you would understand that!"
"Your so dramatic Alexis! I care, Frankie cares, Mikey cares, everyone cares! Your just so fucking blinded that you don't see it!"
"No one cares about me Gerard! You don't know me, okay?"
"I do know you! Are you fucking drunk or something? God your so stupid sometimes! Stop being such a fucking bitch." We were face to face at this moment and my face just fell when he called me a bitch. "Wait I'm sorry I didn't mean it." He grabbed my hands and I pulled them out roughly.
"Just leave me alone, I'm so sorry I'm such a stupid bitch." I got up and ran across the street and back towards my house, Gee was yelling my name but I just ignored him. I unlocked the door then slammed it shut and locked it, I ran upstairs and shut my blinds. I threw my bag and jacket across the room and curled up in my bed with Luna next to me.
"Your the only one that cares Luns."
She purred slightly and curled into my side, I let the lyrics of Green Day and The Misfits sing me to sleep.
*
I was awoken by a raping on my window, I knew who it was the phone in my room had been going off with his number all fucking night, I finally had to rip the cord out of it so it would be silent. I ignored him until it finally stopped but this time the knocking was on the front door, someone must've opened it because I heard feet coming upstairs.
The door opened and I heard my sister say, "She's been like that all night, what happened?"
"It was my fault." The door shut and I heard my sister's voice raise.
"What do you mean it was your fault? What the fuck did you do to my little sister Gerard Arthur Way?!"
"I yelled at her and called her stupid and a bitch." He whispered.
She sighed, "She's really sensitive to that type of stuff."
"I didn't mean to say it we were arguing and my mouth was moving before I had time to think."
"If I let you in there you have to promise to apologize and get her out of there it's starting to smell."
The door opened again then shut, "Hey."
I remained silent and stared at my wall, "So I guess this is going to be a one way conversation."
I again didn't answer, I didn't even react to him being in here, "Fuck Lex, I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean it at all, I'm so sorry."
I again didn't say anything, "What can I go to make it up to you? I'll do anything I just want my best friend back."
"Stop prying into my life."
He looked startled that I answered, "Fine done yes I'll stop."
"You have to understand I'll tell you eventually okay?"
He nodded, "I really am sorry I didn't mean it at all."
"I know you are, I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"No don't be sorry you had every right to I was being a jerk."
"Yeah you were." I said smiling.
"Come on let's go do something, no offense or anything but it smells in here."
"Don't we have school?"
"Fuck school!"
I smiled and he grabbed my hand pulling me up and turning on the light, his eyes widened at my arms and I looked down realizing I had on a tank top, I grabbed my jacket and pulled it back on then my hat and bag, "Come on."
He tried to smile but he just looked sad, "Yeah let's go."
We walked out to his car which was black and old but nice it had a lot of character. I opened the door and climbed in which he shut for me, the interior smelled like Gee; shower gel, cigarettes, coffee, and mint. He climbed in beside me and started the car, "where to madame?"
"To the mother fucking stars."
"Certainly, ma'am. But seriously where to?"
"New York."
His eyes widened, "Really?"
I nodded, so he pulled out of the driveway and started towards the highway and that's how we spent our Wednesday afternoon driving to New York city, it was nice being alone with Gee he didn't have the need to fill every second with talking I liked the quiet and he did too. The only sounds was the music playing, of course it was the Misfits as it was the only thing Gee had in his car at the moment.
We drove across the bridge and there it was with all it's glory, New York City.
"We're here."
"Out of Jersey."
"We sure are."
"Can we stay forever?"
"I'll make you a deal."
"Which is?"
"When I become a famous artist, I'll buy us a place here and then we can stay forever."
I smiled, "Deal."
That was the first time he truly confused me as to what we are, I couldn't help but wonder why he would want me around when he's married and successful. But one good thing he kept his promise on the deal, it might not have happened the way I thought it was going to but it happened, and that's better than anything.