Like Ghosts in the Snow
Dear, Clementine...
“Clementine… I love you”
I sit up, barely able to see in the darkness. “G-Gee?” I whisper, feeling around for him in the bed. I’m alone, here. I lay back down, not sure of what to do. My dream lingers in my head, the image of the dark haired girl. I’d never seen anyone so beautiful- thats why I’m wondering. Who is she? Clementine- is that her name? The door to the bathroom opens, and light floods into the room for only a moment, showing the figure in the doorway, before it turns off again. A few moments later, he gets back in the bed, facing towards me. “What’s wrong, Frankie? Did I wake you?” he looks over at me, resting on his elbow. “No- I just had a strange dream.” I lay back down, facing him. “oh?” I scoot in closer to him, for warmth. “Yeah- its not important though. Lets just go to sleep” I can’t sleep though, I’ve forgotten to take my pills. I just lay there blankly even after I know that Gerard is long past fallen asleep. It’s too late to take them, anyway. I sigh and get up, after Gerard has rolled away, snoring. I walk into the living room and look through the blinds, its still raining very heavily outside. The sky remains orange most of the time, from the city lights. We never get any peace in this city, there’s always something. Sirens, all of the time. We’re quite used to the sirens. I continue on to the kitchen, and turn the lights on. I proceed to make coffee. I do drink coffee, even though I want to sleep, only because it calms my nerves. I grab my book and open it to my current page, nearly finishing it in the night. I only stop when Gerard walks in, at about 7. He sighs, sipping the coffee. “Frank- did you get any sleep?” I shrug “I don’t need it, anyway”
“Of course you need it- how long has it been since you’ve slept a little bit?” I shrug “a couple days, I suppose” he sighs “You really need to-” I shake my head and stand up, pouring another cup of coffee. “I’m fine, Gee. Don’t worry.” he sighs, running his fingers through his raven black hair. “What- what day is it?” he looks out of the window, the sun is still rising slowly, over the skyline. “I believe it is Wednesday.” I throw my book in my bag and grab the rest of my textbooks. “Did you do your homework?” I nod “Yes. I had plenty of extra time.” he stands up and wraps his arms around my waist, he rests his head on my shoulder. “Frank- you worry me.” he sighs, hugging me tightly. “I’m sorry, Gee… I have to go.” I pull away, he doesn’t look very happy with me. He kisses me gently on the lips, “I’ll see you this afternoon, then?” I nod. I zip my bag up and set it down on the table. I grab a few jackets and layer them, topping them off with a black beanie. Gerard, sitting at the table now, smiles up at me. He’s quite deep in thought so there’s no point in trying to bother him again. “Bye.” I whisper, walking down the hallway towards the door. Once I’ve reached the outside door, I realize how cold it is. Do you realize how cold it is? Maybe, if you live in like Poland or something. For fucks sake, this is New Jersey. The walk to school is absolutely miserable, and this may have been the first time I was actually relieved to get in the building, and its only because of the heating. Thank god for the heating.
School, as usual, is hell. Hell for seven hours straight. The only class I really enjoy is music theory, its such an interesting class. I love learning about it, I’d like to go into some sort of music study…. if I ever go to college. I’m not exactly the wealthiest- my family left me and Gee sort of took me under his wing. I’ve been living with him since the middle of my Junior year in high school. It’s been a lot better since I’ve lived with him- I don’t have to deal with the abuse, and I know that he really cares about me. And yeah, it sounds bad that I’m still in high school and he isn’t, but I’m a Senior, and he’s a year out of school. He’s attending Art School here in New Jersey, he’s such an amazing artist… We haven’t talked about what I’m doing with my life, I have a job but that’s enough for us to get food and I don’t really have any savings. It’s not really that important though, I don’t mean a lot in society. I’m a faggot from New Jersey, I don’t have any real talents, well yeah I can play guitar but where will that get me? My own parents abandoned me. How much am I worth? Can I contribute anything to the planet? Does school even matter? I need answers, but no one has them. Where is god? Isn’t this what he’s supposed to do? I have detention for skipping Gym. Whoops. Five. I can make it to five, I can do homework. I’ll have to walk home, Gerard’s working until Seven. Detention is fine, the instructor staying after is the Chemistry teacher, and I like him. He’s pretty cool, I’m not a fan of chemistry, but I like him, and it’s not just because he’s extremely handsome, I swear. He likes me too. He’s only about 24 or so, his name is Mr. Christian. He doesn’t like it when we call him Mr. Novelli. He’s got black hair, fair skin, and the nicest blue eyes you can imagine, he always wears kind of tacky sweaters, but I think its nice. He went to School here. Why would he come back? ‘Detention’ when he’s instructing, is pretty much a classroom full of people doing whatever they want. For me, I sit by his desk in a rolly chair and talk to him about music. He has a good taste in music, for a teacher. Definitely the best I know. I roll up to him, he’s writing something down in a notebook. “What are you here for today, Mr. Iero?” Another thing I love about him, his voice. It is the most calming thing in the world and wow I just want to listen to him read to me, he should have gotten a job recording audiobooks. “I didn’t want to go to gym.” he laughs, putting his pen down. He looks over to me “Is this the third time this week?” I shrug, yawning. I spin around on the chair, looking up at the ceiling. “What’s wrong Mr. Iero?” I shrug, once more. “You look pretty tired. Did you get any sleep?” ugh, why does that question keep coming up? Sleep isn’t that important, not really. There are a lot more important things to do than sleep, I can read, do homework, study, brush up my guitar skills. “Mr. Iero?” I sigh, crossing my arms and facing him. “Do you really have to call me Mr. Iero?” I snap, sending him a glare. He cringes and looks down at his hands. One other thing about Mr. Christian is his ego- not the one of a normal teacher. His personality is that of a non-socially acceptable teenager. That’s why I like him. “Sorry…” he shrugs, looking down at his hands. “Can I call you Frank?” I nod. “Well, will you call me Christian?” I nod. He looks up, smiling. “Thanks. You can go when you want. I really don’t care.” I smile “I’m enjoying myself.”
God damn its cold. Snowing, fuck its snowing. I stayed after later than 5. I stayed until six thirty. Wow man, wow. It’s just that Christian is so cool and yeah. Nothing like walking home in snow flurries. One thing I notice about the outside… There’s a figure slouched over at the edge of the sidewalk. As I get closer, I realize it’s a girl reading a book. She’s shivering really heavily, she only has a thin black jacket. I walk over and sit down next to her, she looks over to me for only a second or so, then back to her book. “Aren’t you cold?” she looks up “I’m very cold” Her lips are pretty much blue and her nose reminds me of rudolf… “How long have you been out here?” she shrugs, hugging herself. “An hour or so.” oh my god, no wonder she’s shivering like that. “Are you waiting for someone?” she nods “one of my parents. support group ended at five.” oh my god- that’s an hour and a half. She’ll get a cold. “You’re gonna get sick. Do you think they’re still coming?” she shakes her head. A realization hits me. I’m wearing about eighty jackets. She’s wearing a thin sweatshirt. I unzip my top layer and take it off. I hold it out to her, she stares at it for a moment, obviously not caring at this point about not knowing me. “Well I’ll wait with you. What support group?” she looks down at her book, setting a bookmark in it. When she closes it, I see she’s reading the Catcher in the Rye. My favorite book, ever. It doesn’t look like a library book- and its awfully worn, like the pages have been flipped through again and again. “Uh… depression.” she sets the book down, and carefully pulls her sleeves down. “Oh. I had to go to that group for a while. Its a load of bullshit.” she nods. “Yeah, I know what they tell us is, but I can meet people there who have the same problems as me and-” she sighs, looking down at her hands again. “I can be - myself.” she says the word with such hatred, I don’t understand why. “You sound like you have a problem with that?” she nods, not elaborating. Despite my jacket, she’s still shivering. “Uhm. I don’t really know you, but do you want to come back to my house to warm up and have some coffee or something? My boyfriend might be home by the time we get there.” her eyes widen slightly at the word; boyfriend. I stand up, looking around. There’s only a couple cars left in the parking lot. She follows “Sure…” she smiles a little, not to me though, more to herself. “I’m Frank, by the way. Probably should have said that before I invited you earlier.” she laughs quietly, following me as I make the way through the parking lot. “I’m Clementine.”
I sit up, barely able to see in the darkness. “G-Gee?” I whisper, feeling around for him in the bed. I’m alone, here. I lay back down, not sure of what to do. My dream lingers in my head, the image of the dark haired girl. I’d never seen anyone so beautiful- thats why I’m wondering. Who is she? Clementine- is that her name? The door to the bathroom opens, and light floods into the room for only a moment, showing the figure in the doorway, before it turns off again. A few moments later, he gets back in the bed, facing towards me. “What’s wrong, Frankie? Did I wake you?” he looks over at me, resting on his elbow. “No- I just had a strange dream.” I lay back down, facing him. “oh?” I scoot in closer to him, for warmth. “Yeah- its not important though. Lets just go to sleep” I can’t sleep though, I’ve forgotten to take my pills. I just lay there blankly even after I know that Gerard is long past fallen asleep. It’s too late to take them, anyway. I sigh and get up, after Gerard has rolled away, snoring. I walk into the living room and look through the blinds, its still raining very heavily outside. The sky remains orange most of the time, from the city lights. We never get any peace in this city, there’s always something. Sirens, all of the time. We’re quite used to the sirens. I continue on to the kitchen, and turn the lights on. I proceed to make coffee. I do drink coffee, even though I want to sleep, only because it calms my nerves. I grab my book and open it to my current page, nearly finishing it in the night. I only stop when Gerard walks in, at about 7. He sighs, sipping the coffee. “Frank- did you get any sleep?” I shrug “I don’t need it, anyway”
“Of course you need it- how long has it been since you’ve slept a little bit?” I shrug “a couple days, I suppose” he sighs “You really need to-” I shake my head and stand up, pouring another cup of coffee. “I’m fine, Gee. Don’t worry.” he sighs, running his fingers through his raven black hair. “What- what day is it?” he looks out of the window, the sun is still rising slowly, over the skyline. “I believe it is Wednesday.” I throw my book in my bag and grab the rest of my textbooks. “Did you do your homework?” I nod “Yes. I had plenty of extra time.” he stands up and wraps his arms around my waist, he rests his head on my shoulder. “Frank- you worry me.” he sighs, hugging me tightly. “I’m sorry, Gee… I have to go.” I pull away, he doesn’t look very happy with me. He kisses me gently on the lips, “I’ll see you this afternoon, then?” I nod. I zip my bag up and set it down on the table. I grab a few jackets and layer them, topping them off with a black beanie. Gerard, sitting at the table now, smiles up at me. He’s quite deep in thought so there’s no point in trying to bother him again. “Bye.” I whisper, walking down the hallway towards the door. Once I’ve reached the outside door, I realize how cold it is. Do you realize how cold it is? Maybe, if you live in like Poland or something. For fucks sake, this is New Jersey. The walk to school is absolutely miserable, and this may have been the first time I was actually relieved to get in the building, and its only because of the heating. Thank god for the heating.
School, as usual, is hell. Hell for seven hours straight. The only class I really enjoy is music theory, its such an interesting class. I love learning about it, I’d like to go into some sort of music study…. if I ever go to college. I’m not exactly the wealthiest- my family left me and Gee sort of took me under his wing. I’ve been living with him since the middle of my Junior year in high school. It’s been a lot better since I’ve lived with him- I don’t have to deal with the abuse, and I know that he really cares about me. And yeah, it sounds bad that I’m still in high school and he isn’t, but I’m a Senior, and he’s a year out of school. He’s attending Art School here in New Jersey, he’s such an amazing artist… We haven’t talked about what I’m doing with my life, I have a job but that’s enough for us to get food and I don’t really have any savings. It’s not really that important though, I don’t mean a lot in society. I’m a faggot from New Jersey, I don’t have any real talents, well yeah I can play guitar but where will that get me? My own parents abandoned me. How much am I worth? Can I contribute anything to the planet? Does school even matter? I need answers, but no one has them. Where is god? Isn’t this what he’s supposed to do? I have detention for skipping Gym. Whoops. Five. I can make it to five, I can do homework. I’ll have to walk home, Gerard’s working until Seven. Detention is fine, the instructor staying after is the Chemistry teacher, and I like him. He’s pretty cool, I’m not a fan of chemistry, but I like him, and it’s not just because he’s extremely handsome, I swear. He likes me too. He’s only about 24 or so, his name is Mr. Christian. He doesn’t like it when we call him Mr. Novelli. He’s got black hair, fair skin, and the nicest blue eyes you can imagine, he always wears kind of tacky sweaters, but I think its nice. He went to School here. Why would he come back? ‘Detention’ when he’s instructing, is pretty much a classroom full of people doing whatever they want. For me, I sit by his desk in a rolly chair and talk to him about music. He has a good taste in music, for a teacher. Definitely the best I know. I roll up to him, he’s writing something down in a notebook. “What are you here for today, Mr. Iero?” Another thing I love about him, his voice. It is the most calming thing in the world and wow I just want to listen to him read to me, he should have gotten a job recording audiobooks. “I didn’t want to go to gym.” he laughs, putting his pen down. He looks over to me “Is this the third time this week?” I shrug, yawning. I spin around on the chair, looking up at the ceiling. “What’s wrong Mr. Iero?” I shrug, once more. “You look pretty tired. Did you get any sleep?” ugh, why does that question keep coming up? Sleep isn’t that important, not really. There are a lot more important things to do than sleep, I can read, do homework, study, brush up my guitar skills. “Mr. Iero?” I sigh, crossing my arms and facing him. “Do you really have to call me Mr. Iero?” I snap, sending him a glare. He cringes and looks down at his hands. One other thing about Mr. Christian is his ego- not the one of a normal teacher. His personality is that of a non-socially acceptable teenager. That’s why I like him. “Sorry…” he shrugs, looking down at his hands. “Can I call you Frank?” I nod. “Well, will you call me Christian?” I nod. He looks up, smiling. “Thanks. You can go when you want. I really don’t care.” I smile “I’m enjoying myself.”
God damn its cold. Snowing, fuck its snowing. I stayed after later than 5. I stayed until six thirty. Wow man, wow. It’s just that Christian is so cool and yeah. Nothing like walking home in snow flurries. One thing I notice about the outside… There’s a figure slouched over at the edge of the sidewalk. As I get closer, I realize it’s a girl reading a book. She’s shivering really heavily, she only has a thin black jacket. I walk over and sit down next to her, she looks over to me for only a second or so, then back to her book. “Aren’t you cold?” she looks up “I’m very cold” Her lips are pretty much blue and her nose reminds me of rudolf… “How long have you been out here?” she shrugs, hugging herself. “An hour or so.” oh my god, no wonder she’s shivering like that. “Are you waiting for someone?” she nods “one of my parents. support group ended at five.” oh my god- that’s an hour and a half. She’ll get a cold. “You’re gonna get sick. Do you think they’re still coming?” she shakes her head. A realization hits me. I’m wearing about eighty jackets. She’s wearing a thin sweatshirt. I unzip my top layer and take it off. I hold it out to her, she stares at it for a moment, obviously not caring at this point about not knowing me. “Well I’ll wait with you. What support group?” she looks down at her book, setting a bookmark in it. When she closes it, I see she’s reading the Catcher in the Rye. My favorite book, ever. It doesn’t look like a library book- and its awfully worn, like the pages have been flipped through again and again. “Uh… depression.” she sets the book down, and carefully pulls her sleeves down. “Oh. I had to go to that group for a while. Its a load of bullshit.” she nods. “Yeah, I know what they tell us is, but I can meet people there who have the same problems as me and-” she sighs, looking down at her hands again. “I can be - myself.” she says the word with such hatred, I don’t understand why. “You sound like you have a problem with that?” she nods, not elaborating. Despite my jacket, she’s still shivering. “Uhm. I don’t really know you, but do you want to come back to my house to warm up and have some coffee or something? My boyfriend might be home by the time we get there.” her eyes widen slightly at the word; boyfriend. I stand up, looking around. There’s only a couple cars left in the parking lot. She follows “Sure…” she smiles a little, not to me though, more to herself. “I’m Frank, by the way. Probably should have said that before I invited you earlier.” she laughs quietly, following me as I make the way through the parking lot. “I’m Clementine.”
Update please? :O
1/19/14