you only live forever in the light you make

that I have the responsibility to remember all these things no one knows about you. That I have to force myself to keep these memories, for as long as I'm alive. That these memories will be the only thing left of Jenny, that no one else will have memories like I do.

Like, the way I leave all the cupboards open after I'm searching for something, and you go behind me and shut them all. At first you started nagging me to shut them, then you gave up and you shut them for me.

How you look when it's one in the morning and we're fighting sleep but our movie isn't over, the way you force yourself to keep your eyes open by scrunching up your face.

The way you shuffle around the next morning, wearing one of my t-shirts.

I was your only friend; one of the few people that got to experience friendship with you. The only person who ever experienced loving you. I'd seen the sides of you no one ever did, saw the laughter and the crying.

The only person to see the way you stare at me over the edge of your favorite mug in the morning, while we're sitting together for a brief moment before we go our separate ways to separate jobs and separate sides of the city.

No one will ever know how you held my hand while you got your first tattoo, or the way you looked when you were laying beside me on the roof, or know that whenever you wear a dress you have to spin so you can see the skirt flare out.

I'm the only one who can keep these for you.

No one knows you cried every night for a week last Christmas, because you missed your parents but you were afraid of that. No one knows that sometimes when we're driving down the interstate that I sometimes pull the car over as soon as I see you sob, that other times I keep driving.

No one knows that I kissed you five times the first morning then ten the next, came late to the studio for the first few mornings because I was with you and we finally moved in together. No one will ever know that I was afraid that when I went home, you wouldn't be there—but you were always there.

Now, I go home and you aren't there; no one will ever know the way my whole body feels that much heavier when I realize that I can't hold you until you fall asleep.

No one sees that I fall asleep with my torso stretched over your bed almost every night, my hand wrapped around your hand in a way so that I avoid the IV dripped into yours.

These are the things I go over in my head, compile lists on lists of Jenny.

Notes

frank will only have two pov chapters, and i'm gonna update within the next two days with a normal long chapter but i just needed to post this one