Millions

Gee's POV

~~~

I'm not sure what was going through my head when I pulled up to that beautiful redbrick house with the stone driveway and shiny new car parked out front.

Might have been envy for knowing that I was asking for the help of someone who was living more happily than me.

Acceptance for knowing what would happen after asking him to help me do what needs to be done.

Regret for not having taken my brother away from this terrible place eight years ago when I had the chance.

Hate for myself for knowing what I was going to be putting others through if things turned out right for me.

Fear for the chance that I might fail like I've failed so many other things in my life, fear that I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

But it was probably nothing
Just like my father said I was, like my mother, my family, my friends, my teachers and my girlfriends.

I was nothing.
I am nothing.
I will always be nothing.

Then when I get to the Pearly Gates or wherever it is that I end up and they ask me what I thought of my life I'll only have one response.
I'll smile and say 'nothing.'
Because I died just like I lived.

As nothing.

Notes