See The Rust Through Your Playground Eyes

The ride home was quiet and uneventful. Frankie not having said anything the whole time and I not really bothered by the silence. It was a comfortable, content silence. There was nothing to say, so we said nothing.

When we got home Linda was outside, standing in the doorstep looking anxious and irritated.

"H-hi, m-mom!" Frankie greeted when I opened the door for him.

Linda glared at me, "It's very late." She spoke slowly.

"I know." I said.

"Why did you two take so long?" She asked cautiously.

"There was a lot of traffic." I answered.

Frankie clung on to my arm and looked up at me with wide hazel eyes. Linda glared at the ground. I walked past her, Frankie still by my side, and in to the house.

Frankie ranted about how good the movie was all the way up to his room. When we got there I opened the door for him.

"G-good n-night, Gee-rawrd." He smiled and placed a soft kiss to my cheek.

"Good night, hun." He smiled again and then retreated to his room, closing the door behind him.
I sighed and turned away from the door walking to the stairs and going up to my room.
When I got there I went straight to the bathroom. I stripped and stepped in to the shower. After showering I towel dried my hair and walked to the closet, picked out some undershirt and pajama bottoms and slipped in to bed.

I wasn't tired, I just really wanted to be with Frankie. I wanted to hug him or kiss him or just hold his hand. I just really wanted to be near him.

Being in love kind of sucks. But it's the best thing in the world when he's with me. And the stupid butterflies are always there. They make me feel weird and fuzzy and I seriously have to digest them. It's not that I don't want to love Frankie. It's just that it makes me feel weak. He's my soft spot and I would do anything for him. I don't want to be weak. But I can't help it.

He's my strength and weakness. My reason to live and the one that could destroy me. I don't know what I'd do without him.

It's scary really, to know that he plays such a major part in my life. He matters so much.
I'm kind of still scared of getting close to him. He's so delicate and innocent. Only not so innocent? I mean he's so sexy and tonight, when we were kissing, I almost forgot he was still a little kid. He certainly didn't act like it then. It's hard to imagine that the little boy I was coloring with the other day is the same one that gave me a hickey.

I rubbed my eyes, I guess it will be another sleepless night.

I wonder if Frankie's awake. It would be nice to sleep with him. Not even in a sexual way -although that would be incredible. It would be nice to have him fall asleep with me, as in: In my arms. Well, I never thought I could be this cheesy, proven myself wrong. I don't care if it's cheesy, I would like it. I wonder if he would like that? He's a hopeless romantic, of course he'd like it. Unless, he doesn't like me.


I felt my stomach drop.

But he does like me, right? He's said so and acted on it. I doubt he'd kiss me or hug me or even be near me if he didn't feel something for me. So that's solved. Only it's not, what if he doesn't feel what I feel? I'm sure of my feelings, I am one hundred percent sure that I am in love with Frankie. What if he's not sure of his feelings?

I should just give him time, it's probably harder for him to figure his feelings out. It wasn't exactly easy for me to come to terms with it. I should just give him time.

I rubbed my neck, fingers lingering on the mark Frankie had left. That had felt amazing. I wonder if he'll ever do that again? I hope he does, I loved it.

I felt my stomach grumble, suddenly wishing I hadn't turned down Frankie's offer of popcorn and other junk food I bought him at the movies.

I slowly got up off the bed, not pleased with having to leave the warmth and comfort of my covers. I didn't bother putting on shoes and padded downstairs in my socks.
I stopped at the top of the stairs of Frankie's floor. There was no light coming from under his door. He must be asleep. Or maybe he can't sleep, either? It would be nice to be with him right now. I would like to go and see how he is. If he can't sleep, if he had a nightmare. I want to be in there with him.

I slowly turned away from his door and continued downstairs. I stopped at the second floor, hearing my dad and Linda argue. I couldn't make out any words. Just heard an angry female voice and a irritated male voice.

I walked closer, putting my ear against the door and listening carefully.

"- not normal!" That was Linda.

"You should be happy they're getting along!" That was my father.

"That's the thing, Don! They're getting along too well."

"Linda, I'm trying to understand you, but I just can't. Tell me what the hell you're hinting at." My dad sounded more irritated then ever. He wasn't ever mad, just irritated.

"They almost kissed today! In front of me!" Fuck, they're arguing about me and Frankie.

"I highly doubt that." My dad deadpanned.

"And they're always together! You said it yourself, Gerard doesn't usually get along with anyone, why is Frank different?"

My dad was quiet for a while. Then, "So you're accusing my son of abusing your child?"

"No! I meant...I don't know." She sounded tired.

"Gerard isn't like that. He wouldn't take advantage of Frank. He may be a bit strange, but he's not a bad person." He said slowly.

I felt guilt settle in the pit of my stomach. I am like that, I did take advantage of Frankie.

Wait, I'm not. I didn't do anything to him. He was in charge all of the time. If he wanted to kiss, we kissed. If he didn't want to, then we didn't. I didn't make him do anything. I shouldn't feel guilty. I did nothing wrong.

"But, there are so many other things, Don...have you seen the way Gerard looks at him? I know he's your son. You think the best of him. But you can't be completely oblivious to it."

I kneeled and looked through the key hole. Linda and my dad were sitting on the foot of the bed. They both looked tired, my dad more irritated than Linda.

"No, Linda. I have not seen how he looks at him. Care to illustrate me?" He asked, sounding more annoyed than the time I crashed the Ferrari.

"He just looks so..." She waved her hand a bit.

"So, what?" My dad asked.

"So..." She faltered, "So..."

"Goddammit Linda! Say something!" My dad yelled. Scaring the living shit out of Linda and myself.

I can't remember the last time my dad yelled out in anger.

"So creepy! Okay?! He looks like he wants Frank and it's creepy! He's your kid and you have to defend him, I get that. But Frank can't defend himself. Like today, they came back past midnight, what do you think they were doing?"

My dad rubbed his eyes, "They were at the movies."

"This late? Don, that isn-"

"Shut the hell up, Linda. Gerard is not trying anything on Frank. Now shut up and go to sleep."

He got up off the bed and left.

Linda looked defeated, she sighed. "He's right. Gerard's a good person, he wouldn't hurt Frank. Be happy Frank finally found a friend." She mumbled to herself.

I turned away from the door and walked back down the stairs.

So I'm a creep? So I look at Frankie like I want him? Am I really that obvious? I can't be that obvious. Linda already suspects enough to have told my dad. But she sounded pretty convinced afterwards. Maybe dad really convinced her? I've always thought my dad is the most convincing man in the world. I mean, for twenty years he convinced my mom he wasn't cheating. That's got to count for something, right?

Still this is serious. I have to be more careful. Now my dad will be on edge, too. I can't imagine what they would do if they found out about Frankie and I.

When I made it to the kitchen I opened the fridge and pulled out a random plate. Salad. Oh, well. It's not that bad.

I sat at the island and ate a forkful of salad. I looked up from my plate and saw Frankie standing there.

He looked so cute, half asleep and pajama clad, hair messily hanging in his eyes.
"Frankie? Why are you awake, hun? It's late." I stood up and walked to the doorway were he was standing.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand and hung the other around my neck. He didn't answer.

"We have to talk about your mom, by the way." I whispered.

He snuggled up on my shoulder, is he asleep? I looked down and saw he had his eyes open bu they were drooping and it looked like he would fall asleep any minute.

"Let me take you up to your room, okay?" He kind of half nodded and I picked him up bridal style and carried him away.

He hung both his arms around my neck and buried his face against my chest. He was really light and I liked carrying him.

I got to his room and pushed the door open with my hip, careful not to bother Frankie. There was a bedside lamp on, the only light in the whole room since the curtains were drawn. I placed him on his back on the bed, he didn't let go of my neck, though. So I was nose to nose with a half asleep Frankie.

"Gee-rawrd, s-stay, y-yeah?" He murmured.

Notes

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