“It’s gonna be fine, Mikes. We’ll go to fight and we’ll all come back. All of us; and we’ll carry on as if we never went.”
I pour out another shot of liquor. Laughter fills the dim and smoky bar as friends and comrades try to ease the tense atmosphere and comfort each other. All we’re doing is pretending. We all know that out of the 200 or so men here tonight, less than half will come back. I just hope that Mikey and I come back, however selfish that sounds. I’d hate to break our mama’s heart if I can’t protect him.
“Care for a smoke?”
Frank holds a packet out to me and I gladly accept. As we light up, Raymond Toro saunters over from the pool table, accompanied by Robert Bryar.
“Going to offer one to us too, Iero?”
There is no bitter or bullying tone to his voice, and as if to ensure that he is being friendly, he smiles. A warm smile that reaches his eyes, leaving no doubt that it is genuine. This is the kind of behaviour that earns him respect.
Frank passes over two cigarettes while shoving the rest of the packet into his pocket. Bob takes his with a hearty ‘thanks’, whilst Toro declines. He seems on edge and keeps turning his head as if to check for some unwanted follower.
Maybe he’s just nervous, as we’re all sick to our stomachs with it. Despite this, we all enjoy the night thoroughly, chuckling at each other’s jokes, bathing in the glow of friendship and discussing our plans for the future over spirits and smokes. I wish it could last forever, instead of going to our dooms tomorrow. I know it won’t happen, but I can still hope that it might all get called off, right?
Mikey is still stood rigidly by the bar, shaking and frowning. I promised our parents and myself that I’d keep him safe and although I still by that and I will try my absolute best, I can’t shake the feeling that he might not come home. Not alive, not in a pine box.
We’re just trying to fool each other to keep our morale high. Nothing will ever be the same and nor could it be, and as harsh at it might be, this will be the last time that many of us will meet together.
I say again to Mikey in a tone that is firm, yet gentle, “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
He doesn’t look convinced.