February 16 2004.

“Ali, this place looks great!”

I had spent the last four hours frantically making sure that there was enough food, drinks, entertainment, and of course, books for my guests.

This was it, it was opening night.

I had been freaking out so much over the entire night that I had barely noticed that at 7:00 pm on the dot, guests had started to trickle in. It was now 8:00, and I was still so paranoid about this entire night being ruined for me that I had to be reminded by Izzy that it was speech time.

“Holy shit, really?” I hissed as she led me towards the makeshift stage where we had had several local writers talk about their books or do readings.

All eyes turned to me as Izzy grabbed the microphone that was set up on the stage and introduced me as the reason for us all being there. I scanned the sea of people for the one face that would calm my nerves.

“Uh...thanks Izzy,”

I saw Frank give me the thumbs up from where he stood with Ray and his girlfriend, Jamia. No Gerard there.

“I just wanted to thank you all for coming; it’s been a long time coming this store...”

I heard the door slip closed quickly and I looked up to see Mikey come in alone. No Gerard either. Surely he was hidden in the crowd somewhere.
My stomach lurched as I looked quickly over at my sister for some support. Her face was stony.

“...I...I...really hope you enjoy yourselves...thank you...”

He isn’t here.

No, he’s here; he’s just gotten lost somewhere. He promised.

He. Isn’t. Here.

Stepping slowly down from the stage while everybody clapped and returned to the party. I felt like the blood had been drained from my body. I practically fell into my sisters arms, she hugged me tight, whispering things in my ear that I didn’t understand.
From over Izzy’s shoulder I glance up to see Mikey talking to the guys, throwing hesitant looks in my direction and pressing his glasses up his nose nervously. Something was going on.
I move away from my sister, ignoring her protests that I should just have some fun and forget about him.

“I thought he was with you?” Frank raked his hand through his hair, looking at Mikey as if he’d lost his first born child.

“And I thought he was here, fuck, Ali,” Mikey turned to me; his face was whiter than a blank page. “I’m so sorry.”

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out, I felt tears threatening to escape from my eyes. Fucking, fuck, fuck.

“We have to go find him.” I finally managed to spit out.

“No, Ali, we’ll find him, you stay here.” Ray implored, looking as if he was worried for my mental health.

“Let’s go.”

I was in a daze as I looked over to my sister, who was watching me carefully. We didn’t speak, she just nodded. She knew.

-

An hour later Mikey and I had just left his and Gerard’s mothers house. In an attempt to not send their mother Donna into a cardiac arrest, we told her we were going into the house to retrieve something for the event, whilst also asking suspiciously if she'd seen her eldest son. We had spent a good amount of time trying to get out of the house as Donna had tried to explain to us the night of Mikey’s conception. Dear god.

We somehow managed to get out of the house without knowing about the night Mikey was 'created', and raced back to the car. We were half way back into town to search some bars when Frank called Mikey, telling him that he had found Gerard, and gave us the address of a bar that I’d never heard of in my life.

The Longman was a small bar situated on the edge of town, sitting on the corner of two main roads. As we entered, I found that this was not Gerard’s usual scene. The place was full of middle aged men staring into their drinks as if there was something interesting at the bottom of them, the tables were filthy and the curtains were drawn closed so that the only light that came into the whole place were oddly very modern spot lights that ran across the shape of the bar.
This was where we found two hunched backs, one turning around and waving us over, the other looking into his drink just like the other men in this bar.

When Gerard turned around to see what Frank was looking at, our eyes met.

At that moment I felt the anger that I had been pushing down inside of me in case Gerard really had been in trouble bubble up and I could swear that he saw my eyes flare red.
I stomped over to him, ignoring Frank’s explanation to how he found the idiot and pointed an accusing finger in his face.

“Do you even know what day it is Gerard?” I hissed.

Gerard looked up at me and shrugged. “I dunno, Thursday?”

That was when the anger started pouring out of my mouth.

“NO, Gerard it is SATURDAY. Saturday, the day that I was having the opening of my store. You know, the thing that you PROMISED you would be at?” I was yelling. I knew it, and the faces of the other lonely men in the bar turned to see what was going on.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

“Dear god, you’re so fucking drunk you don’t even know what day of the week it is anymore! I swore I was going to get you through this, but tonight was FUCKING important to me, Gerard, and you ruined it, you ruined my whole night-”

Gerard reached over and rubbed my arm “Ali, I...”

“-NO. I won’t be rescuing you from this bullshit anymore. You can’t rely on me anymore. Don’t bother calling me. We’re done.”

I turned on my heel and stormed out of there, Frank following behind me as I stood out the front of the bar, the events of the evening reeling in my head.

I turned around to see him looking at me sympathetically.
“Well, you sure gave him hell.”

I sighed and slumped against the horrible brick wall, sliding down to the cement path below.

“I can’t believe I just did that.”

Frank nodded, bending down and securing my shoulders in his hands. “Ali, nobody has flipped their shit at him like you just did. Ever.”

“Well, good,” I mumbled, looking up into his eyes.

“C’mon you fiery vixen, let’s get you back to your store.”

I nodded and slowly followed him to his car, feeling as if my body had been broken into a thousand pieces.

I wanted to go home, but I was determined to act like this didn't effect me as much as it did.