20th January 2004

“Well that’s news, Gerard drunk, I’ve never heard that before,” Isobella grumbled into her third slice of apple pie for breakfast.

I had asked her to my favourite little pastry cafe for breakfast as an apology for leaving so early on her birthday.

“He’s not always drunk,” I say, trying to stand up for my friend.

Izzy pointed her fork at my face. “He is, Alice, and you know it. You shouldn’t be going to his every beck and call.”

I avoided her gaze. “He needs someone behind him, he needs me to pick him up when he’s down.”

Izzy rolled her eyes “Which is every fucking day at the moment. You have a life outside of him, you shouldn’t have to be running off and rescuing him just because he got himself wasted again.”

I look up and meet her gaze as she reaches out to touch my hand. “Ali, are you still sleeping with him?”

“No.”I lie, hoping I sounded at least slightly convincing.

“Well that was an outright lie,” She muttered, and I glared at her “You are a terrible liar.”

When I first slipped up and admitted to Izzy that I had been sleeping with Gerard, she was hysterical. She told me that musicians are unreliable, that best friends shouldn’t sleep together because then that’s a relationship. I assured her it was all about the sex, but as time wore on, even I couldn’t believe that we were more than that, even if he might not know it.

Izzy dropped her fork on her plate and placed her hands on her bulging stomach, staring intently at me.

“You’re in love with him.”

“I am not, you idiot.”

My heart twisted in all sorts of directions. Damn it.

“Well then since you aren’t in love with him, then I think you should put some space between you. Because if you were in love with him, you would just end up hurt. He isn’t reliable, he won’t get married, and he won’t have children. How long do you even think he’ll be around?”

My head snapped up. “What do you mean be around?”

Izzy bit her lip, rubbing her stomach and watching me carefully.

“Ali, if he keeps going the way he’s going, he’s going to end up dead on a sidewalk with nobody around him but the cold hard ground.”

22nd January 2004

This place was disgusting.

I perched myself on a chair on the other side of the room facing the carpeted area where the boys were prac ticing for their upcoming tour. It was going to be a good two months before I would see them at home again, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle being away from them, especially Gerard, for that long.

Sipping my slightly lukewarm beer, I scanned the room again.

There were wrappers and jackets and boxes of god knows what littering the floor. Cords and cables attached to instruments and other tripping devices tangled the carpet. I watched as the band fiddled and argued about a certain part of a song, Frank grumbling angrily at something Ray had said, while Mikey fiddled with his bass.

I looked over to where Gerard was, smoking a cigarette and jotting notes on a piece of paper. He looked up, as if sensing I was staring and winked at me.
My stomach flip flopped and I winked back, trying to hide the blush threatening to creep its way up my cheeks. He had promised me that he would take me out to Chinese food for lunch to make up for the other night, and pay me back for driving him home. I didn’t care about that; I just wanted to spend time with him before he left for the tour.

About an hour later I was sitting across from Gerard, perusing the menu as he ordered us a couple of beers.

“So you said you have news,” he said, trying to scan the menu as much as possible without looking suspicious. I knew he was worried about it what be, I had been rather quiet all night.

“Well,” I paused as we threw our orders at the waitress and she set our drinks down.

“I finished.”

Gerard sniffed and squinted his eyes “...you...finis—ohhhh...the bookstore?”

I nodded enthusiastically. Two years ago my father passed away from a heart attack, and as it was always just him, me and my sister, we were both left with a sizable inheritance.
I used the money to purchase a bookstore I had always dreamed about owning down the road from my apartment. I’d kept the money around for a year because I didn’t know what to use it on, and when the store went up for sale, I practically ran to the real estate agent’s office.
The place was an old 1900’s building, and had always dreamed of painting the dark inside walls yellow, I had spent the next year and a half decorating it and making it absolutely perfect.

“I sent out invites last night to the grand opening!”

He gave me his bright toothy grin, and for a fraction of a second I thought he was back to his non-alcoholic self. “That’s fantastic Ali!”

I smiled at him “It’s February 16. You better be able to get here.”

Gerard leaned back in his seat, watching my face carefully. I wasn’t sure what was there, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was in that stare, but it made my stomach feel like it was going to eat itself up.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

I reached over to grab his hand excitedly. “Promise?”

His thumb rubs over my knuckles. If anybody didn’t know better, they would have thought we were a couple.

God damn it Ali, stop thinking ridiculous things like that – you are going to get yourself in some serious shit.

“I promise.”