The Adventures of Cat!Frank
The Ierorony of a Halloween exorcism.
"That's the Halloween decorations sorted."
Gerard stood back to admire his pentagram painted on the door, complete with lights. The landlady wouldn't be too pleased but he didn't care.
"Frank! Whatta ya think?" The brown-black tabby mewed in approval and nudged at the paintbrush dangling from Gerard's hand. He lent down to ruffle Frank's already messy fur before scooping him up. Shutting the door, Gerard placed the brush on the side next the palette and wandered over to his room.
"I've even got you a little costume, so you'd better appreciate it."
Frank purred and rubbed his head against Gerard's collarbone, earning a quiet giggle.
Upon reaching the already open door to what had been deemed as 'the bat-cave', Gerard released his grip on his furry burden, allowing it to drop onto the carpet and trot to his usual position on the bed. Flicking on the light, Gerard practically bounced over to his wardrobe where he'd been storing his costume for the past three days since he'd realised that it was almost Halloween.
"Come here, Frankie," Gerard sing-songed. That alone should have put Frank off, but he was in a good mood today. Sort of. Until he saw the disgustingly adorable outfit pulled from the deepest and darkest corner of the closet. A small, round, padded pumpkin suit. Frank hissed before attempting to scramble under the bed.
"Oh-no. You're not getting away that easily."
Gerard reached under the frame and dragged a rather unwilling ball of fur out.
"This is going to be fun. Lots of fun," Gerard grinned manically. A very scared 'meow' escaped the future pumpkin’s mouth.
***************
"Meeeeeeow."
The strained whining echoed throughout the apartment followed by an equally echoed cackle radiating from the lounge.
"You look adorable, Frankie!"
The hunched shoulders and the murderous glint in the eyes told Gerard that his ankles were in serious danger of being shredded.
Gingerly, Gerard patted the top of Frank's head, one of the only parts of the poor cat's body that wasn't covered in padded orange material.
He flicked his tail and padded away to go and sit in the sink.
“Someone’s moody…” Gerard sighed before striding off to get ready himself.
Even though he knew that there wouldn’t be any trick or treaters tonight due to living in an apartment block, he had still made a purchase of two bags of various candy at Walmart.
***************
Frank was curled up in his sink, clawing at the hideous costume that his wonderful owner had forced upon him. There was no-way Frank was letting that stay on. Not a chance. He appreciated the efforts that Gerard went to, but this wasn’t effort. It was pure torture. As was being stuck in an oven, but that’s a different story.
Being a stray was hard and the streets were cruel. But Halloween with Gerard Way? Nothing could be crueller. Two can play at that game, Frank thought in his catty mind. If he had to endure this, then Frank would put Gerard through his own version of hell.
***************
“What. The. Hell.” Gerard whispered when he walked out of his bedroom. The apartment had been turned brown. The floors, the walls, the ceiling, wait, how did it get on the ceiling? Actually, what even is it?
Gerard stuck his finger in the brown gunky substance, trying to discern what exactly it was. Being unable to identify the ominous liquid, Gerard decided the next best idea would be to smell it.
Coffee.
Frank.
Well shit.
Gerard had a nice long rant in his head as he went in search of the furball. He wondered absently if this was an accident, or if the creature just had some very destructive tendencies. That tended to end in Gerard having a lot of cleaning to do. Well, he thought, at least it wasn’t the paint this time. Gerard took a deep breath. Don’t know how the hell I’m gonna get this smell off the walls though.
He waded his way through the coffee into the living room and there, sat in the middle of the room, in the only clean spot of floor in the entire apartment (minus Gerard’s bedroom) was Frank, sat there licking at his paws as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. Yeah, right.
As angry as Gerard was then, when he saw the destruction of his very cute pumpkin costume he had so kindly put on Frank, well, he couldn’t have put it into words. The now ex-pumpkin was lying in shreds surrounding the tabby, whose eyes were now glowing a rather creepy green. Gerard shuddered and glared at the feline. He continued glaring as he wiped down the walls, as he mopped the floors, and thank God he’d decided he wouldn’t have any carpet in the house, even when the phone rang.
Gerard snatched it off the cradle and held it to his ear.
“Whadya want?” He snapped down the line.
“Whoa, don’t shoot.” Gerard relaxed a little at the familiar voice of his best friend.
“The cat’s been possessed.”
“The cat’s been what now?” Ray asked.
“Possessed. You know, glowing eyes, demonic… things.”
“Gee, I really don’t think-“
“And he destroyed he costume!” Gerard pouted petulantly, to little effect seeing as Ray couldn’t actually see it.
“What was his costume?” Ray asked, sighing.
“He was a pumpkin. A very round, very cute, very orange pumpkin.”
“Right. And what ‘demonic things’ has he done?”
“He’s covered my house in coffee. Coffee! He has wasted my coffee. If that’s not a heinous crime then I don’t know what is.”
“It’s just coffee, Gee.” Ray tried to placate him. Gerard, however, was having none of it and proceeded to rant about the ‘demonicness’ of his adopted friend for a good twenty minutes before Ray decided it was time to interrupt.
“And just what are you expecting me to do about this?”
“I dunno.” Gerard shrugged. “Exorcise it or something.”
“I’m not a priest, Gerard.”
“Just come over here and help me!” He slammed to phone back down, promptly ending the call. He spun around the face Frank with an evil glint in his eye. “I know exactly what to do with you.”
***************
Ray arrived at the apartment an hour later and dressed like an actual priest.
“Where’s the demon cat then?” He asked, striding into the room.
“Over there.” Gerard pointed to a stack of boxes in the far corner of the living room. Ray cocked his head to one side.
“What the…?”
“Punishment corner.” Gerard stated as if it were the most obvious, and sane, thing in the world.
The boxes only came up to Ray’s knee. He looked at Gerard questioningly and said, “You know cats can jump, right?”
Gerard nodded.
“Of course I do. And every time he does, I put him back.”
“I…” Ray’s speech faltered.
“I’ve been watching Super Nanny.”
“Being unemployed is so not good for you.” Ray mumbled
“Meow.” The pitiful noise came from beyond the small, yet rather effective, wall. Frank was curled up amongst whatever Gerard had found to keep him in there and making a brilliant show of acting the badly done to pet. Gerard merely glared at the pile of fur while Ray bent down to pick him up.
“How can you be mad at this little guy?” He asked, stroking Frank’s head. Frank pushed his head into Ray’s hand again and purred loudly. “He’s so cute.”
“That’s what he wants you to think. When, in fact, he is the demon spawn of Satan and… well, some other demon hell bent on destroying my home.”
“I think Halloween might have gone to your head, Gerard.”
“Just get with the exorcising, Father Fro.” Gerard waved him off.
“Of course, Uncle Jiggy.” The pair glared at each other. Frank decided to take this opportunity to jump out of Ray’s arm and begin sharpening his claws. On Gerard’s (or rather, his parent’s) table.
“What the… GET OFF MY TABLE YOU DEMON CAT!”
“Gerard, it’s not even your table…”
“OFF! OFF YOU DEVIL SPAWN!”
“You basically stole that table from your parents.” Gerard turned sharply to Ray at this comment.
“I DON’T CARE! EXORCISE THE DAMN THING!”
Ray moved towards the table and started muttering gibberish.
“GET IT OFF THE TABLE FIRST!”
“I thought you wanted him exorcising.”
“NOT ON THE TABLE!” Gerard shrieked.
{Insert your own rubbish version of an exorcism here. Picture Ray getting his hands clawed at and Gerard doing some more yelling about ‘his’ table.}
***********
“Leave now, Fro.”
“I don’t think you understand. It is not a detachable accessory, Gerard.”
“Leave now, Fro.” Gerard repeated. Ray shook his head and muttered under his breath but left none the less.
************
“You’re not a demon anymore, right Frank?” Gerard looked down at the cat curled up on the pillow next to him. “I don’t want to go to sleep with a demon cat next to me. I would quite like to have my face in the morning.”
Frank purred in a very Frank-ish way. Gerard smiled, he had has Frank back. His paint destroying, non coffee touching, former-stray –but-now-adopted cat Frank back. All was well with the world until Gerard woke up the next morning.
“FRANK!”
Gerard stood back to admire his pentagram painted on the door, complete with lights. The landlady wouldn't be too pleased but he didn't care.
"Frank! Whatta ya think?" The brown-black tabby mewed in approval and nudged at the paintbrush dangling from Gerard's hand. He lent down to ruffle Frank's already messy fur before scooping him up. Shutting the door, Gerard placed the brush on the side next the palette and wandered over to his room.
"I've even got you a little costume, so you'd better appreciate it."
Frank purred and rubbed his head against Gerard's collarbone, earning a quiet giggle.
Upon reaching the already open door to what had been deemed as 'the bat-cave', Gerard released his grip on his furry burden, allowing it to drop onto the carpet and trot to his usual position on the bed. Flicking on the light, Gerard practically bounced over to his wardrobe where he'd been storing his costume for the past three days since he'd realised that it was almost Halloween.
"Come here, Frankie," Gerard sing-songed. That alone should have put Frank off, but he was in a good mood today. Sort of. Until he saw the disgustingly adorable outfit pulled from the deepest and darkest corner of the closet. A small, round, padded pumpkin suit. Frank hissed before attempting to scramble under the bed.
"Oh-no. You're not getting away that easily."
Gerard reached under the frame and dragged a rather unwilling ball of fur out.
"This is going to be fun. Lots of fun," Gerard grinned manically. A very scared 'meow' escaped the future pumpkin’s mouth.
***************
"Meeeeeeow."
The strained whining echoed throughout the apartment followed by an equally echoed cackle radiating from the lounge.
"You look adorable, Frankie!"
The hunched shoulders and the murderous glint in the eyes told Gerard that his ankles were in serious danger of being shredded.
Gingerly, Gerard patted the top of Frank's head, one of the only parts of the poor cat's body that wasn't covered in padded orange material.
He flicked his tail and padded away to go and sit in the sink.
“Someone’s moody…” Gerard sighed before striding off to get ready himself.
Even though he knew that there wouldn’t be any trick or treaters tonight due to living in an apartment block, he had still made a purchase of two bags of various candy at Walmart.
***************
Frank was curled up in his sink, clawing at the hideous costume that his wonderful owner had forced upon him. There was no-way Frank was letting that stay on. Not a chance. He appreciated the efforts that Gerard went to, but this wasn’t effort. It was pure torture. As was being stuck in an oven, but that’s a different story.
Being a stray was hard and the streets were cruel. But Halloween with Gerard Way? Nothing could be crueller. Two can play at that game, Frank thought in his catty mind. If he had to endure this, then Frank would put Gerard through his own version of hell.
***************
“What. The. Hell.” Gerard whispered when he walked out of his bedroom. The apartment had been turned brown. The floors, the walls, the ceiling, wait, how did it get on the ceiling? Actually, what even is it?
Gerard stuck his finger in the brown gunky substance, trying to discern what exactly it was. Being unable to identify the ominous liquid, Gerard decided the next best idea would be to smell it.
Coffee.
Frank.
Well shit.
Gerard had a nice long rant in his head as he went in search of the furball. He wondered absently if this was an accident, or if the creature just had some very destructive tendencies. That tended to end in Gerard having a lot of cleaning to do. Well, he thought, at least it wasn’t the paint this time. Gerard took a deep breath. Don’t know how the hell I’m gonna get this smell off the walls though.
He waded his way through the coffee into the living room and there, sat in the middle of the room, in the only clean spot of floor in the entire apartment (minus Gerard’s bedroom) was Frank, sat there licking at his paws as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. Yeah, right.
As angry as Gerard was then, when he saw the destruction of his very cute pumpkin costume he had so kindly put on Frank, well, he couldn’t have put it into words. The now ex-pumpkin was lying in shreds surrounding the tabby, whose eyes were now glowing a rather creepy green. Gerard shuddered and glared at the feline. He continued glaring as he wiped down the walls, as he mopped the floors, and thank God he’d decided he wouldn’t have any carpet in the house, even when the phone rang.
Gerard snatched it off the cradle and held it to his ear.
“Whadya want?” He snapped down the line.
“Whoa, don’t shoot.” Gerard relaxed a little at the familiar voice of his best friend.
“The cat’s been possessed.”
“The cat’s been what now?” Ray asked.
“Possessed. You know, glowing eyes, demonic… things.”
“Gee, I really don’t think-“
“And he destroyed he costume!” Gerard pouted petulantly, to little effect seeing as Ray couldn’t actually see it.
“What was his costume?” Ray asked, sighing.
“He was a pumpkin. A very round, very cute, very orange pumpkin.”
“Right. And what ‘demonic things’ has he done?”
“He’s covered my house in coffee. Coffee! He has wasted my coffee. If that’s not a heinous crime then I don’t know what is.”
“It’s just coffee, Gee.” Ray tried to placate him. Gerard, however, was having none of it and proceeded to rant about the ‘demonicness’ of his adopted friend for a good twenty minutes before Ray decided it was time to interrupt.
“And just what are you expecting me to do about this?”
“I dunno.” Gerard shrugged. “Exorcise it or something.”
“I’m not a priest, Gerard.”
“Just come over here and help me!” He slammed to phone back down, promptly ending the call. He spun around the face Frank with an evil glint in his eye. “I know exactly what to do with you.”
***************
Ray arrived at the apartment an hour later and dressed like an actual priest.
“Where’s the demon cat then?” He asked, striding into the room.
“Over there.” Gerard pointed to a stack of boxes in the far corner of the living room. Ray cocked his head to one side.
“What the…?”
“Punishment corner.” Gerard stated as if it were the most obvious, and sane, thing in the world.
The boxes only came up to Ray’s knee. He looked at Gerard questioningly and said, “You know cats can jump, right?”
Gerard nodded.
“Of course I do. And every time he does, I put him back.”
“I…” Ray’s speech faltered.
“I’ve been watching Super Nanny.”
“Being unemployed is so not good for you.” Ray mumbled
“Meow.” The pitiful noise came from beyond the small, yet rather effective, wall. Frank was curled up amongst whatever Gerard had found to keep him in there and making a brilliant show of acting the badly done to pet. Gerard merely glared at the pile of fur while Ray bent down to pick him up.
“How can you be mad at this little guy?” He asked, stroking Frank’s head. Frank pushed his head into Ray’s hand again and purred loudly. “He’s so cute.”
“That’s what he wants you to think. When, in fact, he is the demon spawn of Satan and… well, some other demon hell bent on destroying my home.”
“I think Halloween might have gone to your head, Gerard.”
“Just get with the exorcising, Father Fro.” Gerard waved him off.
“Of course, Uncle Jiggy.” The pair glared at each other. Frank decided to take this opportunity to jump out of Ray’s arm and begin sharpening his claws. On Gerard’s (or rather, his parent’s) table.
“What the… GET OFF MY TABLE YOU DEMON CAT!”
“Gerard, it’s not even your table…”
“OFF! OFF YOU DEVIL SPAWN!”
“You basically stole that table from your parents.” Gerard turned sharply to Ray at this comment.
“I DON’T CARE! EXORCISE THE DAMN THING!”
Ray moved towards the table and started muttering gibberish.
“GET IT OFF THE TABLE FIRST!”
“I thought you wanted him exorcising.”
“NOT ON THE TABLE!” Gerard shrieked.
{Insert your own rubbish version of an exorcism here. Picture Ray getting his hands clawed at and Gerard doing some more yelling about ‘his’ table.}
***********
“Leave now, Fro.”
“I don’t think you understand. It is not a detachable accessory, Gerard.”
“Leave now, Fro.” Gerard repeated. Ray shook his head and muttered under his breath but left none the less.
************
“You’re not a demon anymore, right Frank?” Gerard looked down at the cat curled up on the pillow next to him. “I don’t want to go to sleep with a demon cat next to me. I would quite like to have my face in the morning.”
Frank purred in a very Frank-ish way. Gerard smiled, he had has Frank back. His paint destroying, non coffee touching, former-stray –but-now-adopted cat Frank back. All was well with the world until Gerard woke up the next morning.
“FRANK!”
I love this story :)
7/15/14